Do I really have a problem?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,825
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
You have to make the decision YOURSELF about YOUR drinking.
Your husband will adjust.
This is the bottom line:
You're not an idiot, it's just something that happens with some people and alcohol. Quit and all this goes away.
Your husband will adjust.
This is the bottom line:
You're not an idiot, it's just something that happens with some people and alcohol. Quit and all this goes away.
The anticipated unease about implementing the solution , is the 'booze' talking and telling It to shut up is the best answer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by noturningback2
hmmm well, i know of alot people that don't drink often and then binge drink and wake up the next day feeling terrible and not remembering it all etc. My social media is pretty much filled with this every weekend, i wouldn't say they all have a problem with alcohol, especially in the UK as this seems to be commonplace. But after quitting drinking and your blinkers are off to the damage of alcohol, you do realise this isn't exactly normal either. i really don't know anyone that drinks responsibly at all times, and that's not just the company i kept, that's across the board including family. But should we rate and define our behaviour as ok just because someone else is 'worse'?
This clearly is something your husband isn't willing to tolerate, no matter how infrequent, and it does sound like he finds it embarrassing. My husband referred to seeing me in a drunk state as 'digusting'. Luckily it was always in private, so i didn't embarrass him anywhere, otherwise i think he would have left me there and then without question.
I also promised to never overdo it, but i always did, the times i could control it got fewer and fewer, until i had no control at all ever, and then i became angry at him for trying to control me and telling me to stop drinking. What i actually meant was, 'leave me and my booze alone'. So i guess I'm saying i started out as what you are saying right here today.
So do you have a problem? Only you can answer that, but i would say if you drinking is now unacceptable to your husband, then there is an issue no matter what, perhaps he is seeing something you cannot? If i could go back and stop when i was first told that i couldn't control my drinking, i would have spared myself an awful lot of heartache and mental health issues. Some people just aren't designed to drink, i am one of them, maybe you are too?
Perhaps your husband is sensitive regarding the drinking, but if i was to vomit all over myself in public infront of our friends, he would be giving me an ultimatum too. He also asked me, would i accept that behaviour of him?? Worth thinking about.
This clearly is something your husband isn't willing to tolerate, no matter how infrequent, and it does sound like he finds it embarrassing. My husband referred to seeing me in a drunk state as 'digusting'. Luckily it was always in private, so i didn't embarrass him anywhere, otherwise i think he would have left me there and then without question.
I also promised to never overdo it, but i always did, the times i could control it got fewer and fewer, until i had no control at all ever, and then i became angry at him for trying to control me and telling me to stop drinking. What i actually meant was, 'leave me and my booze alone'. So i guess I'm saying i started out as what you are saying right here today.
So do you have a problem? Only you can answer that, but i would say if you drinking is now unacceptable to your husband, then there is an issue no matter what, perhaps he is seeing something you cannot? If i could go back and stop when i was first told that i couldn't control my drinking, i would have spared myself an awful lot of heartache and mental health issues. Some people just aren't designed to drink, i am one of them, maybe you are too?
Perhaps your husband is sensitive regarding the drinking, but if i was to vomit all over myself in public infront of our friends, he would be giving me an ultimatum too. He also asked me, would i accept that behaviour of him?? Worth thinking about.
Admittedly he only really saw students but we know that there is definitely a ‘drinking culture’ in the UK that is unlike anywhere else. At first I just put his remarks down to cultural differences, as being ‘on a mission’ was pretty much normal to me. Maybe that’s the problem?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 70
You cannot drink. Even one. Sorry. If you cannot do that get help in either AA or another treatment program. There are lots of them. Tell your husband you cannot drink at all. You dont have the ability to control yourself once you have even one. So head it off at the pass and dont have even a sip. As Nancy Reagan said: "Just Say No". Your husband will just have to drink by himself while you have a diet coke or something with twist of line and an umbrella in it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 172
I think since alcoholism is progressive it’s hard to pin point the exact ah-ha moment but I can say from my experience that I had a really hard time stopping once I start, but justified that since I didn’t do it every day and when I did it it was always “the party” scene. As years went on my justifying went to weekends at home, to some days to then every day.
Trying to stop made me more cranky so trying to control how much was more stressful than not starting at all, and eventually I was sick of feeling guilty and worried about how much I was drinking. I wish I would I have stopped earlier as it’s always easier the earlier you stop.
I’ve never heard of anyone regretting stopping. If your husband is concerned for you that’s a loving act. If he’s over controlling he may lack the support and understanding so make sure you quit for you and not for the wrong reasons or you could be resentful.
Trying to stop made me more cranky so trying to control how much was more stressful than not starting at all, and eventually I was sick of feeling guilty and worried about how much I was drinking. I wish I would I have stopped earlier as it’s always easier the earlier you stop.
I’ve never heard of anyone regretting stopping. If your husband is concerned for you that’s a loving act. If he’s over controlling he may lack the support and understanding so make sure you quit for you and not for the wrong reasons or you could be resentful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
My only hesitation as far as stopping drinking is the fact that I’m very shy in social situations, honestly I’m am introvert and come off as totally awkward and boring (in my opinion) unless I’ve had a drink. Only then does my personality come out I’m able to be ‘me’ in front of strangers.
if youre an akward introvert, that IS your personality.
who came out when i was drinking NEVER was me- jeckyll and hyde.
if youre an akward introvert, that IS your personality.
who came out when i was drinking NEVER was me- jeckyll and hyde.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by tomsteve
My only hesitation as far as stopping drinking is the fact that I’m very shy in social situations, honestly I’m am introvert and come off as totally awkward and boring (in my opinion) unless I’ve had a drink. Only then does my personality come out I’m able to be ‘me’ in front of strangers.
if youre an akward introvert, that IS your personality.
who came out when i was drinking NEVER was me- jeckyll and hyde.
if youre an akward introvert, that IS your personality.
who came out when i was drinking NEVER was me- jeckyll and hyde.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
There used to be two separate definitions before they got combined of alcohol use disorders with one being alcoholics, and the other binge/problem drinkers. You sound like a classic case of a problem drinker as someone who isn't addicted to alcohol, can go for long periods of time without it, but when you do drink, can not control yourself.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 150
There are tons and tons of people who uses alcohol to ease their anxieties in social situations. It's called a "social lubricant" for a reason. But, in reality, if we all step back, we know that that is the unhealthy way to deal with the issue and shouldn't be so glossed over. And, really, once you depend on alcohol in those situations it becomes sort of a crutch.
It's better to just try and improve your social skills in a sober way, which usually just takes more experience. Yes, you'll be a bit awkward at first, but as you keep trying, you'll get better. I'm sure there is plenty of advice out there on the internet for improving social conversation and charisma, etc.
I would think at first that your husband was overreacting, but I don't see the transformation he sees. Perhaps he sees a potential lack of control that could grow as the years go by.
Nice username, by the way. Good luck with everything!
It's better to just try and improve your social skills in a sober way, which usually just takes more experience. Yes, you'll be a bit awkward at first, but as you keep trying, you'll get better. I'm sure there is plenty of advice out there on the internet for improving social conversation and charisma, etc.
I would think at first that your husband was overreacting, but I don't see the transformation he sees. Perhaps he sees a potential lack of control that could grow as the years go by.
Nice username, by the way. Good luck with everything!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SiameseDream
The decision has been made. I will not drink ever again. There are plenty of non alcoholic options out there. Thank You for all of your great advice.
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