Everyone is against a geographic and I don't understand why. HELP
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
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Everyone is against a geographic and I don't understand why. HELP
Hello. This will be a long story you guys so please bare with me. I need your honest help.
I am an addict. I am powerless to drugs. I have been trying to get long term sobriety for about five/six years now. In the last 5-6 year’s the longest sober time I got was 11 months. However, during my 11 months sober I was engaged in drama and disputes with all those in my life. You can say I was dry and those 11 months were not fun at all.
I finished college in a major that does not exactly give you a high paying job unless you get a master’s which I have been accepted to. My problem is Crystal. My problem is whenever I am sober I consistently hate the city where I live. I hate the winters and I hate how crowded my commute to work is on the subway. I am in NYC. I have been to LA, a city I love but am afraid to move to for sobriety. I found a six-month recovery program out there. After the six month’s there is a sober living in which graduates of the program move to if they chose to do so. I like the AA meetings in LA they are fun, loud, crowded, and then there is the weather. The fact that I won’t ever have to think about slush, weather below 10 degrees and changing seasons that cause my mood to change along with the weather. But then NYC has my elderly mom. My dearest best friend whom I love and who sacrificed a lot for me. But she is also someone that suffers when I suffer. She is someone who has seen me at my worst and continues to do so with every relapse. I know sobriety can happen anywhere. AA is everywhere. And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before. But the city I am in haunts me with memories of PTSD, a psychotic abusive older brother, and memories of past lovers, exes, and depression. I know and I have heard so many times “wherever you go, there you are” and I agree it is true. But it is just TOO much. It is just TOO much to go through all these withdrawals, all these failed attempts, it is all I see when I think of where I live. I grew up in NYC and I just feel that I won’t make it here as a sober individual. My 11 months sober in NYC was terrible, the last 5-6 months of on/off relapses have been insane and deadly. I know self-accountability is important and an intense 6-month recovery program would give me that. I struggle to leave my house where I live after a relapse I know I won’t be able to be consistent with AA or NA here without a strict regime of some kind. I am scare to go to a new city with only the goal of being sober. Talk to me you guys. Give me insight.
On day 2 here.
I am an addict. I am powerless to drugs. I have been trying to get long term sobriety for about five/six years now. In the last 5-6 year’s the longest sober time I got was 11 months. However, during my 11 months sober I was engaged in drama and disputes with all those in my life. You can say I was dry and those 11 months were not fun at all.
I finished college in a major that does not exactly give you a high paying job unless you get a master’s which I have been accepted to. My problem is Crystal. My problem is whenever I am sober I consistently hate the city where I live. I hate the winters and I hate how crowded my commute to work is on the subway. I am in NYC. I have been to LA, a city I love but am afraid to move to for sobriety. I found a six-month recovery program out there. After the six month’s there is a sober living in which graduates of the program move to if they chose to do so. I like the AA meetings in LA they are fun, loud, crowded, and then there is the weather. The fact that I won’t ever have to think about slush, weather below 10 degrees and changing seasons that cause my mood to change along with the weather. But then NYC has my elderly mom. My dearest best friend whom I love and who sacrificed a lot for me. But she is also someone that suffers when I suffer. She is someone who has seen me at my worst and continues to do so with every relapse. I know sobriety can happen anywhere. AA is everywhere. And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before. But the city I am in haunts me with memories of PTSD, a psychotic abusive older brother, and memories of past lovers, exes, and depression. I know and I have heard so many times “wherever you go, there you are” and I agree it is true. But it is just TOO much. It is just TOO much to go through all these withdrawals, all these failed attempts, it is all I see when I think of where I live. I grew up in NYC and I just feel that I won’t make it here as a sober individual. My 11 months sober in NYC was terrible, the last 5-6 months of on/off relapses have been insane and deadly. I know self-accountability is important and an intense 6-month recovery program would give me that. I struggle to leave my house where I live after a relapse I know I won’t be able to be consistent with AA or NA here without a strict regime of some kind. I am scare to go to a new city with only the goal of being sober. Talk to me you guys. Give me insight.
On day 2 here.
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MisterM, i think it all boils down to motives.
if im moving to escape myself- not good motive.
if im moving for better oppertunity and to better my life-good motive.
And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before
the loneliness,though, can dissipate with T.I.M.E. if you get active in AA- do service work along with meetings, you will build new friendships.
however, you mention you tried to move before. what were the results of that?
if im moving to escape myself- not good motive.
if im moving for better oppertunity and to better my life-good motive.
And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before
the loneliness,though, can dissipate with T.I.M.E. if you get active in AA- do service work along with meetings, you will build new friendships.
however, you mention you tried to move before. what were the results of that?
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 60
My motive is to get and stay sober. However, the feeling of escape is there too. But escape in the sense that I literally feel so disconnected from the city I am currently in. Everything reminds me of my failure at not getting clean. And the weather the cold weather make loneliness all the more unbearable out here. My mother gives me company but she too suffers from depression and I don't think we are always the best influence on each other.
Opportunity wise, I believe NYC provides me with easier access to school and furthering my degree and more financial stability with the proximity to my mothers home.
CA-I feel has more programs for sobriety that are to my liking
Before when I moved I expected to reconnect immediately with my friends in CA that I made during a stint in Sober living there, I did not and ended up using is CA and immediately got on a flight back to NYC. Now however I found a tough program out there that would keep my busy and surrounded with others.
Opportunity wise, I believe NYC provides me with easier access to school and furthering my degree and more financial stability with the proximity to my mothers home.
CA-I feel has more programs for sobriety that are to my liking
Before when I moved I expected to reconnect immediately with my friends in CA that I made during a stint in Sober living there, I did not and ended up using is CA and immediately got on a flight back to NYC. Now however I found a tough program out there that would keep my busy and surrounded with others.
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
MisterM, i think it all boils down to motives.
if im moving to escape myself- not good motive.
if im moving for better oppertunity and to better my life-good motive.
And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before
the loneliness,though, can dissipate with T.I.M.E. if you get active in AA- do service work along with meetings, you will build new friendships.
however, you mention you tried to move before. what were the results of that?
if im moving to escape myself- not good motive.
if im moving for better oppertunity and to better my life-good motive.
And a geographic change may cause more loneliness and I have tried to move before
the loneliness,though, can dissipate with T.I.M.E. if you get active in AA- do service work along with meetings, you will build new friendships.
however, you mention you tried to move before. what were the results of that?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I believe that where I live does play an important role in my mental health. I have a hard time with cold Eastern Canadian winters and dreary, grey days. I have been to LA many times and I love it. There is so much emphasis on healthy living, on being outside walking/running/roller-blading and just enjoying the sunny days. It sounds to me like you have a good plan for treatment and support when you arrive there.
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Hi Anna! Thank you for the positive reinforcement. I haven't decided on what to do but I can't keep relapsing where I am currently it is terrible. Yes, healthy living and the recovery community out there is vibrant and makes me want to stay sober.
I have met many people here in NY that literally work hard every morning/afternoon and come 5PM they are able to use hard drugs and go into work the next day! It is almost as if there's a sort of acceptability or "norm" of using where I am. It makes me doubt the importance of sobriety. I feel so disconnected from my HP here too. I know there are healthy individuals out here too but they are rare. It is almost as if everyone out here is working as much as they are using and they are able to function! I don't know maybe it is because that is the energy I am attracting but there is something about nicer weather that makes living and staying sober just a tad bit easier and worthwhile.
The cold weather, hook up using spots in NYC, and lack of resources for sobriety are not going away out here but my life sure is.
I have met many people here in NY that literally work hard every morning/afternoon and come 5PM they are able to use hard drugs and go into work the next day! It is almost as if there's a sort of acceptability or "norm" of using where I am. It makes me doubt the importance of sobriety. I feel so disconnected from my HP here too. I know there are healthy individuals out here too but they are rare. It is almost as if everyone out here is working as much as they are using and they are able to function! I don't know maybe it is because that is the energy I am attracting but there is something about nicer weather that makes living and staying sober just a tad bit easier and worthwhile.
The cold weather, hook up using spots in NYC, and lack of resources for sobriety are not going away out here but my life sure is.
Originally Posted by Anna
I believe that where I live does play an important role in my mental health. I have a hard time with cold Eastern Canadian winters and dreary, grey days. I have been to LA many times and I love it. There is so much emphasis on healthy living, on being outside walking/running/roller-blading and just enjoying the sunny days. It sounds to me like you have a good plan for treatment and support when you arrive there.
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Thanks. But how does one trust their motives with only two days sober?it is tough. But I have been contemplating this course of action for some time now.
Originally Posted by Berrybean
Yep. What Tomsteve said.
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Another thing is either of my two options will take courage.
1) If I stay here in NYC, I will have to walk through my PTSD and finish graduate school and then move with a stable career but maintain a sober community of some kind be it SR or AA(which I don't think I will have the courage to submit to unless I move). I have to risk running into old triggers and deal with my seasonal depression.
2)I I move to CA , I will have to risk moving away and dealing with the emotions that comes with a new place. I will also have to be patient with myself in finding and building friendships. I have to give up an opportunity for grad school and reapply or find a full time job in CA instead and completely begin anew.
Both options scare me and both have positives and negatives. But I have to commit to one as I have been down this road far too many times.
1) If I stay here in NYC, I will have to walk through my PTSD and finish graduate school and then move with a stable career but maintain a sober community of some kind be it SR or AA(which I don't think I will have the courage to submit to unless I move). I have to risk running into old triggers and deal with my seasonal depression.
2)I I move to CA , I will have to risk moving away and dealing with the emotions that comes with a new place. I will also have to be patient with myself in finding and building friendships. I have to give up an opportunity for grad school and reapply or find a full time job in CA instead and completely begin anew.
Both options scare me and both have positives and negatives. But I have to commit to one as I have been down this road far too many times.
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When i came to sobriety I'd recently started the process of buying a flat in a different city. Folk at AA suggested that I pull out of the process, but I felt it was too far through for that so I went ahead. Thankfully it all turned out fine. I found that the AA meetings where I lived to were far more suited to me (more recovery and step focussed) and there were more people that I got on with. It was also nice to not have to walk past my local pub every time I needed to leave the house, and not be surrounded by all the people who I'd previously drunk with. It was fun to explore and get to know my new city as a sober person.
On the down side, moving was extremely stressful, with all the usual stuff that comes with it. I also felt a bit lonely at first (but almost not as lonely as when I could see all my old pals getting on with their partying and drinking without me).
Would it be possible to book a session with a counsellor with the sole purpose of talking this through with someone unbiased?
BB
On the down side, moving was extremely stressful, with all the usual stuff that comes with it. I also felt a bit lonely at first (but almost not as lonely as when I could see all my old pals getting on with their partying and drinking without me).
Would it be possible to book a session with a counsellor with the sole purpose of talking this through with someone unbiased?
BB
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
What a tough question you pose MisterM. I would say "follow your instincts" but I would also subject those instincts to as much analysis as you can - maybe writing out a long list of the pro's and con's of staying or leaving, perhaps scoring them out of 10 or 100 plus or minus and see if that helps you to come to a decision.
Either way, good luck to you.
Either way, good luck to you.
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I recently stopped working with a counselor in November. We decided on going to the recovery program but then I got into grad school which we both decided would be a good fit. However, she does not know I relapsed two weeks before the start of school. And I no longer with her and to be honest I did not think my counselor was all that helpful in the long run. I can search for another one but that would take some time as there aren't too many great counselors out here.
Originally Posted by Berrybean
When i came to sobriety I'd recently started the process of buying a flat in a different city. Folk at AA suggested that I pull out of the process, but I felt it was too far through for that so I went ahead. Thankfully it all turned out fine. I found that the AA meetings where I lived to were far more suited to me (more recovery and step focussed) and there were more people that I got on with. It was also nice to not have to walk past my local pub every time I needed to leave the house, and not be surrounded by all the people who I'd previously drunk with. It was fun to explore and get to know my new city as a sober person.
On the down side, moving was extremely stressful, with all the usual stuff that comes with it. I also felt a bit lonely at first (but almost not as lonely as when I could see all my old pals getting on with their partying and drinking without me).
Would it be possible to book a session with a counsellor with the sole purpose of talking this through with someone unbiased?
BB
On the down side, moving was extremely stressful, with all the usual stuff that comes with it. I also felt a bit lonely at first (but almost not as lonely as when I could see all my old pals getting on with their partying and drinking without me).
Would it be possible to book a session with a counsellor with the sole purpose of talking this through with someone unbiased?
BB
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a pro/con list is a great idea especially scoring things out.
Also, I might regret it big time if I don't at least give the course I am registered to take this February a chance...
I am scared to "follow my instincts" because I think following those instincts got me to where I am in life right now. And it's not a good place.
Also, I might regret it big time if I don't at least give the course I am registered to take this February a chance...
I am scared to "follow my instincts" because I think following those instincts got me to where I am in life right now. And it's not a good place.
Originally Posted by saoutchik
What a tough question you pose MisterM. I would say "follow your instincts" but I would also subject those instincts to as much analysis as you can - maybe writing out a long list of the pro's and con's of staying or leaving, perhaps scoring them out of 10 or 100 plus or minus and see if that helps you to come to a decision.
Either way, good luck to you.
Either way, good luck to you.
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I moved when I was 3 months sober (last time) and it was the best thing I ever did. It was a fresh start, no one knew the old me, the drunken me, I had no associations with places or people or memories. I would recommend it -if you can and feel it will help, if you are young enough and can afford it you really have nothing to lose. It doesn't matter what others think - this is YOUR recover.
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Afford it I wouldn't say I can at this point. I mean the program helps individuals find employment after 3 or 4 months of sobriety. I wouldn't live lavishly for a while BUT I would be sober.
How far away did you move? How did you connect with new people? and I am 26 not sure if that is still considered young enough to risk it all and move by myself. Also, when you moved did you immerse yourself into AA right right away?
Also, I would have to commute by limited trains and long bus commutes to and from wherever I want to go bc I have license but don't drive just not my thing and LA doesn't have MTA system like NYC BUT I think that these things are minuscule when it comes to being sober...what do you think?
How far away did you move? How did you connect with new people? and I am 26 not sure if that is still considered young enough to risk it all and move by myself. Also, when you moved did you immerse yourself into AA right right away?
Also, I would have to commute by limited trains and long bus commutes to and from wherever I want to go bc I have license but don't drive just not my thing and LA doesn't have MTA system like NYC BUT I think that these things are minuscule when it comes to being sober...what do you think?
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I moved when I was 3 months sober (last time) and it was the best thing I ever did. It was a fresh start, no one knew the old me, the drunken me, I had no associations with places or people or memories. I would recommend it -if you can and feel it will help, if you are young enough and can afford it you really have nothing to lose. It doesn't matter what others think - this is YOUR recover.
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Originally Posted by MisterM
Afford it I wouldn't say I can at this point. I mean the program helps individuals find employment after 3 or 4 months of sobriety. I wouldn't live lavishly for a while BUT I would be sober.
How far away did you move? How did you connect with new people? and I am 26 not sure if that is still considered young enough to risk it all and move by myself. Also, when you moved did you immerse yourself into AA right right away?
Also, I would have to commute by limited trains and long bus commutes to and from wherever I want to go bc I have license but don't drive just not my thing and LA doesn't have MTA system like NYC BUT I think that these things are minuscule when it comes to being sober...what do you think?
How far away did you move? How did you connect with new people? and I am 26 not sure if that is still considered young enough to risk it all and move by myself. Also, when you moved did you immerse yourself into AA right right away?
Also, I would have to commute by limited trains and long bus commutes to and from wherever I want to go bc I have license but don't drive just not my thing and LA doesn't have MTA system like NYC BUT I think that these things are minuscule when it comes to being sober...what do you think?
I take back what I said about age tbh. You're never too old to make changes
I was in my late 30s when I moved.
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That's awesome and it is great to hear success stories of people that had moved for sobriety and were successful.
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
Hi, I moved from England to Scotland. I met people through children's school though am a bit of an introvert so don't want a wide social circle. I'm not in AA but that would be a fantastic way of meeting new people with similar focus.
I take back what I said about age tbh. You're never too old to make changes I was in my late 30s when I moved.
I take back what I said about age tbh. You're never too old to make changes
I was in my late 30s when I moved.Member
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My mother is being very unsupportive and saying I should stay here as she is scared of me being so far away...
she said it is wise to complete grad school and move with a stable career and savings...
I wish I had familial support but she is as codependent as me maybe even worse!
she said it is wise to complete grad school and move with a stable career and savings...
I wish I had familial support but she is as codependent as me maybe even worse!
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No I haven't because the only other career I am interested in is acting & film and there is no better city to be in for that than LA...also one of my visits to LA was amazing the recovery resources out there is great along with the AA community.
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
have you considered anywhere ELSE besides LA? you have more options that A) stay in NYC and B) move across country to the biggest city in the biggest state.
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