misscostalot

I went home for two weeks to scotland and during this time I relapsed. For some reason when I visit home, I find it hard to stay sober and end up binge drinking. There are a lot of conflicts going on within my family and I felt really displaced, like an outsider. I still dont know why I drunk so much, but I did and it led to arguements and having to start over again. I am so fed up. I was doing so well. I am back in mainland Europe (where I live)and not even tempted to drink. I wish I knew why going back home is such a massive trigger for me. I didnt realise it until recently.
I feel so down about my drinking, family and being alone. Thanks for reading.

Gabe1980

Hey Miscostalot, I'm sorry you had such a crap holiday and I know how hard it is to pick yourself up after a relapse and come back here. Good for you in getting up and starting over. Don't give yourself too much of a hard time. Christmas and hogmany can be brutal when trying to stay sober.

As a fellow Scot who loves this country, I don't think the term 'drinking culture' quite covers it when talking about Scotland and it's traditions at this time of year. I relasped too over the holidays. I had family staying for 6 days and everyone drank, every day. Not an excuse for me drinking but I found the whole thing really difficult. People just don't get it and it's always a time when tempers flare.

I'm sorry you feel so alone but your not, we are all here! It's great that you don't feel like drinking now you are back too. I sounds like we both need to figure out some coping strategies when dealing with family/alcohol related occassions. Gabe x

misscostalot

Hey Gabe, thanks so much for your reply. As a Scot, you know exactly how it can be there! There was drink everywhere and that is all people wanted to do! Not that this a reason for me to join in but it 'normalised' drinking in huge quantities. I did suggest different activities like going on a day trip, but noone was interested. Guess I just need to keep moving forward now. Take care! X

Anna

Misscostalot, at the outset of my recovery, I distanced myself from my parents, especially my mother. I knew I had to and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. Early recovery is a time to listen to your inner voice and do whatever you need to do to care for YOU.

I'm so glad you're back.

Gabe1980

That's it in a nutshell Miss C, it's so normalised that if you don't do it you are the abnormal one. I totally get feeling on the outside because in a lot of ways we are when we stop drinking. I went to my brother's 40th and relatives I normally get pissed with didn't know how to talk to me. I felt completely out of it with people I am normally close too. It's really hard but it's also their problem. If they can't see past the drink then maybe some of those relationships have to change. Gabe x

misscostalot

Thanks Anna. Its not so much that my family are big drinkers but how they make me feel. It was too early to deal witj it. I feel so selfish but i think distance is needed.

misscostalot

I can only imagine how you felt. Good for you for staying sober! I even noticed that I was the one drinking more than everyone and I really have no idea why. To belong? To forget? I have no idea. All I know is that it was not worth it!

EliL

For me 2 weeks at home with family would be like going to my old local bd sorbding 2 weeks there! Jeez at some point I’m going to have a drink! I stay out if family issues and make my visits very brief and to the point, sure I’d love a Walton’s family unit but it isn’t bad I wasted many years keep going back expecting it to be different much like my old local!

theVman31

well done for coming back and being honest.
Time to get back on track !

Dee74

welcome back

I had to distance myself from my family too for a while - they haven't changed much but now I can be around them and not have any issues, so change is possible for us I think

D