hellrzr

That's not a fair comparison. She is an alcoholic and it appears he is neither an alcoholic nor an Al-Anon type. That would make him a "normal" person. When a normal person sees the life of an active Alcoholic they will, rightfully, run for the hills. A normal person will immediately see the insanity of an active Alcoholic's life and they want nothing to do with it. It's a mental disease with how we deal with life and how we think. It's not comparable to cancer or really anything else.

At this point I think the best thing you can do Wiwomen, is to let this go and work on sobriety. It sounds like you have much bigger issues, like a criminal hit and run, that you need to worry about way before a relationship.

For me getting better included AA meetings and working the steps in order to understand my Alcoholism. If you aren't ready for AA or have a better path for you that is great. But if you contact this guy anymore you will just chase him further away for sure. Just work on yourself and if this relationship is meant to be than it will come back around when you are ready to live life on life's terms and will be in the state of mind you will need to be in.

Lonewolf22

Wiwomen I have felt like that a lot over the last couple of years and it does often feel like that.
Infact I felt like that a few days ago lol

Trying to think of the name of that film where Al Pacing has that motivational speech to an American football team. He talks about losing everything and how life is about inches. Anyway if you type Al Pacino motivational speech it will surely come up on youtube.

I think it is such a great speech. Life is only about inches and it can be an inch that makes the difference of your downfall or your rise. So I would just suggest doing something a little different seeking help and going to a recovery centre or a support group. If you go and still end up drinking at least you have some support for when you do.

In recovery you hear a lot of people suggesting big steps as if you have to change your life completely at first this is understandable as they look in retrospect proud of their own recovery. Yet in the very early stages it can be a single moment of making a slight change, or slight change in perspective or someone reaching out that puts you on the right track.
If you give up you will prolong your drinking, at least try something different or seeking some help

I have faith that you will be able to cope because I think if it is possible for one person it is possible for anyone. But also do what you think will help you not necessarily what people say was essential to them.

All the best and keep your chin up.

noturningback2

i think we have all felt we would never get out of the hell we are in. But it sounds like it has only brought you misery (like all of us), it hasn't brought you anything positive has it? its cost you this relationship and probably countless other things, and I'm going to guess the hit and run was alcohol linked? So why not give sobriety a chance and see what it has to offer? The old tried and tested way of drinking through life hasn't worked, so what you got to lose?

Its easy to self pity and drink through the pain, think lifes unfair and bury your head in the sand, it takes strength to say that this is the last time you will lose something to alcohol. But you have that strength in you, I know that because many of us in the same illness have found it, when we didn't think we could. And we are here and we are sober and we are all saying that sobriety is worth every minute of uncomfortableness/hardwork/terror in the beginning. You may need some help from AA or to work the steps, for me I found working the steps helped, because I needed to know why I chose to drink to cope with anything. It helped me understand myself, and in that, I am able to understand triggers and work through them using the steps programme.

Commit to it fully, find it in you, because everyday you don't, is time wasted and another step onto a path that will ultimately kill you after its taking everything you have first.

BlownOne

This is not even remotely applicable in this case. I've never met a diabetic or a cancer patient who calls people and says mean or bizarre things, alienates family/ friends or crashes cars, ends up in jail or divorced or whatever because of their illness. I've done many of these things in active alcoholism. I've yet to meet a diabetic or cancer patient whose disease has directly caused any of the above.

Nonsensical

Believing everything you think in early sobriety is a BIG mistake.

Brains are weird and they don't react well when you persistently give it a depressant for an extended period of time. Mine liked it even less after I did that and then abruptly took that depressant away. It goes a little batty in there.

You're sad about losing your BF - and that's OK.
Let it be OK to feel sad.
It doesn't mean there is something permanently unfixable about you.
Don't let the alcoholic living in your head turn it into something it isn't.

You can be sad. It's OK.

Rooting for you!

You can do this.

WIwoman

I have read all of your posts countless times. They are all so valuable to me. Sorry for the radio silence - I am gaining so much more from reading than writing right now. One day when I have my life together again, I promise to pay it forward to the next person in need. THANK YOU.