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Old 01-04-2018, 07:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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in crisis - mum manipulated me


Am in crisis right now my mother been saying that my niece who is 23 is mentally abusing her as well as psycally my mum says she has had enough she wants my niece to get help or she is going to her dr and then everything will come out she been threating to kill herself to my mum over and for the past 3 years my mum told me this this morning i posted a letter from my mum to my niece has she had blocked her Facebook now i sent the letter and now am caughting in the middle be tween my mum and my niece my husband went nuts at me for doing it and getting us involved what else could i do my mum was upset and she been too scared to tell anyone my mum can be very minipulative and in the past she has lied she got me to send it before my husband went nuts now i feel like i need to use , drink or cut am not at home at the moment am at a group too scared to go home and am going to a meeting as soon as i can really want drink , drugs or cut feel suicidal as well but am safe where i am my husband and my pastor both said that i shouldnt have done what she got me to do and now am a mess ... sorry i just dont know what to do
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I really agree with your husband and pastor. You have to focus on yourself. Allow your mother and niece to work out their own problems.

And, if you're on Facebook, it would probably be a good idea to stay away from altogether, or at least awhile. Just use your energy on getting and staying healthy.
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Old 01-04-2018, 08:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi, GMS .
Do you know for sure that your niece is violent with your mom?
Need to establish that before interceding, I think.
Take care.
Please don’t drink, use, or cut over this.
Good luck.
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Old 01-04-2018, 08:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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With regards to being told you shouldn't have done it, what is done is done, there really is no point in attributing blame. You need to focus on what is best for you ,not anyone else. Personally, it sounds like you should put some distance between you & your mum & niece.

Just don't drink, self harm etc. Stay in control of you, take some control in your life, stay strong on this. Such drama is just not helpful to you right now.

Take care. X
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Old 01-04-2018, 09:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Just cos someone gave birth to you doesn’t make them a Mum, trust me I know! Might even be for you the main toxic relationship that kicked it all off, something to work on, it’s very difficult but if you get help and guidance it’s possible. Stay strong.
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Old 01-04-2018, 01:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I have a bad relationship with my Mum. She makes me feel like Iím a horrible lost cause when I know now that Iím not!
Focus on yourself.
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Old 01-04-2018, 01:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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i went to a meeting tonight instead of just going home it helps so much am going to another one a saturday as well i'll keep going to meetings am safe my husband is with me am not answering the phone or going on face book at all my husband said i need to stay away from what going on with my family and look after myself going to watch film then go to bed i think tomorrow we have to wait at home for a package and then get my medication from the chemist but thats all just going to spead the day in the house and relax with my husband and my cats for company
thank you all so much for replying to me and supporting me
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Old 01-04-2018, 01:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Sever ties with both of them.
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Old 01-04-2018, 01:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Please keep going to the meetings and don't let yourself be manipulated by what you were trying to have be a good deed.

Big hugs!
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I agree with others that you were trying to do a good thing GrantMeSerenity. I think it's best though to keep right out of it from now on tho

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Old 01-04-2018, 02:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Glad you're feeling better GMS.
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Old 01-04-2018, 03:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Am drinking some tea and then meditating doing prayers and then going to bed
was going to watch a film but am too tired stay up and watch it ,
thank you all again at the moment am leaving both of them too it am having nothing to do with anything or anyone of them my mental health cant take this my husband is worried all the time about me and the best thing i have ever done is be a member of this forum and going into the rooms its help me so much and am very grateful to everyone of you and the people in the rooms
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Glad you are feeling better.
Peace.
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:41 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Glad the meeting helped and you're feeling better. Meetings have saved me from crisis mode and doing even more damage to myself, over others, than I can count in 12 months. Same thing with SR.
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:01 PM   #15 (permalink)
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my sister got intouch with me today about my mum saying she ill and that she is worried about her got there and she played a phone call she got from my older niece init she said that she would kill herself and other things like she going to batter my mum sit there for ages fighting over weather we should phone the police or talk to my niece my mum says she is mentally ill i cant handle this at all had to go to an meeting but i still feel like its too much to cope with my husband has now wrote to my sister on face book telling her am ill and unable to deal with all this i know i am being selfish my husband has blocked her and we have turned the phones off i need to see someone tomorrow at 1 pm at the recovery cafe near to where i am living
am full with the flu and my mental health isnt good at all my sister had a go saying her mental health is bad also but she cant handle all this i feel guilty now i want to drink, use and cut
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:06 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by GrantMeSerenity View Post
my sister got intouch with me today about my mum saying she ill and that she is worried about her got there and she played a phone call she got from my older niece init she said that she would kill herself and other things like she going to batter my mum sit there for ages fighting over weather we should phone the police or talk to my niece my mum says she is mentally ill i cant handle this at all had to go to an meeting but i still feel like its too much to cope with my husband has now wrote to my sister on face book telling her am ill and unable to deal with all this i know i am being selfish my husband has blocked her and we have turned the phones off i need to see someone tomorrow at 1 pm at the recovery cafe near to where i am living
am full with the flu and my mental health isnt good at all my sister had a go saying her mental health is bad also but she cant handle all this i feel guilty now i want to drink, use and cut
I've had to step back from some situations that drinking me would be all over. For myself. They're adults and should be able to work it out without dragging others into the mix. I'm assuming your niece lives with your mother/vice versa and that should change,BUT it's not your job to do it. Focus on yourself.
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Nope, step away, keep out of it, you need to look after you. Don't think about anyone else's mental health, just yours. As Dontremember said, they are adults, they need to sort things out for themselves.
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:18 PM   #18 (permalink)
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my niece isnt living with her she was doing it by coming into the house or phoning her and saying she would kill herself my sister will not do anything and i cant cope they are adults my niece no longer has a key to the house my mums been told if she comes to the door to phone the police
my other nieces who are 14 and 16 live with my mum who arent hurting her the only time my niece does is when everyone is out the house told my mum to not answer the phone from her ...its getting too much
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Old 01-07-2018, 02:20 PM   #19 (permalink)
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It's not selfish to look after yourself when you're struggling yourself, GMS.

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Old 01-07-2018, 02:21 PM   #20 (permalink)
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...its getting too much
It's too much for the adults involved. Not so much for those that choose to not be involved. Just saying. This is your life and that needs to be in control/sober before you have a chance at rationally helping others. Your life IS in your control. Can't control other people.

Edit: And I'm sorry if this sounds heartless..If your niece is playing the suicide 'card'..Well..again we cannot control other people's actions.
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