One precious life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Definitely feel like an outsider here.
Was getting some good positive vibes
Then I crashed.
Have come out fight again or surrendering or whatever the hell it's called!! !
It's at time like these when a guy needs
some kind of uplifting comments.
I joined the Jan sober class and I'm posting here
Trying to keep it simple
I've caused a lot of damage in recent times and its going to take everything I got to clean up the wreckage
I'm trying my best I'm into my 2nd 24 hours now I am not white knuckling more like
Red pawing! Not as desperate but still pretty raw!
Come on people give me some fire to feel the warmth!
One of my biggest blocks to recovery is social isolation
Alienation
Anxiety driven isolation
Chronic defector of people.
Trusting friends pls....?
Was getting some good positive vibes
Then I crashed.
Have come out fight again or surrendering or whatever the hell it's called!! !
It's at time like these when a guy needs
some kind of uplifting comments.I joined the Jan sober class and I'm posting here
Trying to keep it simple
I've caused a lot of damage in recent times and its going to take everything I got to clean up the wreckage
I'm trying my best I'm into my 2nd 24 hours now I am not white knuckling more like
Red pawing! Not as desperate but still pretty raw!
Come on people give me some fire to feel the warmth!
One of my biggest blocks to recovery is social isolation
Alienation
Anxiety driven isolation
Chronic defector of people.
Trusting friends pls....?
Last edited by Ghoster18; 01-05-2018 at 02:31 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Ghoster I'm really glad you're back posting. Oh yeah your addiction just loves you to feel isolated too. Just one of the many lies it whispers in your ear to drag you back in the early days.
You really aren't alone through this any more. I remember having burnt the bridge of trust so badly in my real life I felt utterly alone when I found SR. I was desperate for connection to others and I'm so grateful to say it did come.
Even a "hello welcome" had me crying with gratitude.
I'd say if you can immerse yourself in recovery material and SR right now. If you're feeling too sick to go out at least you have the internet with access to some great stuff.
Every hour away from that poison is a victory. It's another hour of healing. Another hour closer to that sober life I know you want. The withdrawal and anxiety and sweats and insomnia are all your body getting rid of a toxin. It's important. Maybe journal how you feel right now as an aid in case the AV comes knocking in the future.
Are you safe where you are? You don't think you need a doctor? Does anyone know you are in withdrawal? Just checking as it can be dangerous as you know and frightening too.
Please look after yourself. Lots of water, rest and some tlc. Doesn't matter what you "achieve" right now as long as you get to bed sober tonight. Nothing else matters.
One thing that helped me was realising that we're the lucky ones. We have found SR and have that connection. We are trying. We can do it.
Look forward to seeing you around xxx
You really aren't alone through this any more. I remember having burnt the bridge of trust so badly in my real life I felt utterly alone when I found SR. I was desperate for connection to others and I'm so grateful to say it did come.
Even a "hello welcome" had me crying with gratitude.
I'd say if you can immerse yourself in recovery material and SR right now. If you're feeling too sick to go out at least you have the internet with access to some great stuff.
Every hour away from that poison is a victory. It's another hour of healing. Another hour closer to that sober life I know you want. The withdrawal and anxiety and sweats and insomnia are all your body getting rid of a toxin. It's important. Maybe journal how you feel right now as an aid in case the AV comes knocking in the future.
Are you safe where you are? You don't think you need a doctor? Does anyone know you are in withdrawal? Just checking as it can be dangerous as you know and frightening too.
Please look after yourself. Lots of water, rest and some tlc. Doesn't matter what you "achieve" right now as long as you get to bed sober tonight. Nothing else matters.
One thing that helped me was realising that we're the lucky ones. We have found SR and have that connection. We are trying. We can do it.
Look forward to seeing you around xxx
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome Ghoster 
Let me extend a to you!
Stick with it, stick with SR, there is lots of wisdom to be mined in the copious threads and stickies and there are fabulous folk here who want to see you succeed!
Let me extend a
to you!Stick with it, stick with SR, there is lots of wisdom to be mined in the copious threads and stickies and there are fabulous folk here who want to see you succeed!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hell yeah!!
That's the spirit
This beats the drunken howl of babbling ghouls!
Those thoughts that talk a good life with face down in the gutter!
This is reality with the real winners
Great to be back on board!
Shoulder to shoulder we commence our common journey.
G
That's the spirit
This beats the drunken howl of babbling ghouls!
Those thoughts that talk a good life with face down in the gutter!
This is reality with the real winners
Great to be back on board!
Shoulder to shoulder we commence our common journey.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hi D
I'm alreAdy further through than when I caved last time, so that's positive.
What else
I've written up on my bedroom wall as a reminder...
Rigorous self honesty
Deal with it
Phone sponsor
Exercise
Pray
Post
Inventory
Recovery read
Eat as well as I can.
Gratitude the thankfulness.
Tough it out.
It's only temporary.
G
I'm alreAdy further through than when I caved last time, so that's positive.
What else
I've written up on my bedroom wall as a reminder...
Rigorous self honesty
Deal with it
Phone sponsor
Exercise
Pray
Post
Inventory
Recovery read
Eat as well as I can.
Gratitude the thankfulness.
Tough it out.
It's only temporary.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Just replied to a thread about songs to inspire recovery... its a great idea if music moves your soul... it does me.
I'm not gonna pinch the thread
But if you guys and grrls like music
Let's here whAt you got.
The one that came out from the original post had me feeling the vibe.. great track!
Don't post here post on the song music thread!!!
Had to edit so I wasn't misunderstood!!
Lol.
I'm not gonna pinch the thread
But if you guys and grrls like music
Let's here whAt you got.
The one that came out from the original post had me feeling the vibe.. great track!
Don't post here post on the song music thread!!!
Had to edit so I wasn't misunderstood!!
Lol.
Last edited by Ghoster18; 01-05-2018 at 05:31 PM. Reason: Change
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you're back and posting. Stay in the boat.
Our addiction loves to make us feel like we're outsider. That no-one loves us, likes us or cares about us.... 'so ya might as well drink' it whispers. What liars our addictive voices are.
My gorgeous sponsee has has a couple of weeks out of the country so no meetings, sporadic contact. She's got over a year, but I suspected she'd be rattley when she returned and I was right. Last night she was all fearful and sad, feeling out of the loop, and that people were talking about her (nope, they werent) didn't like her (completely untrue) and didn't care (again, completely untrue). And, she said, her rational brain KNEW that but it was SO scary and lonesome making. She went home feeling much more secure and calm. Thing is, we can all have those thoughts. It's important to voice them, because like any other fear, that takes the power out of it.
Hugs to you. Great plan. Hope following it goes well.
Please keep posting.
BB
Our addiction loves to make us feel like we're outsider. That no-one loves us, likes us or cares about us.... 'so ya might as well drink' it whispers. What liars our addictive voices are.
My gorgeous sponsee has has a couple of weeks out of the country so no meetings, sporadic contact. She's got over a year, but I suspected she'd be rattley when she returned and I was right. Last night she was all fearful and sad, feeling out of the loop, and that people were talking about her (nope, they werent) didn't like her (completely untrue) and didn't care (again, completely untrue). And, she said, her rational brain KNEW that but it was SO scary and lonesome making. She went home feeling much more secure and calm. Thing is, we can all have those thoughts. It's important to voice them, because like any other fear, that takes the power out of it.
Hugs to you. Great plan. Hope following it goes well.
Please keep posting.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hi everyone
Shaky start! But ok.
Prayer on my knees
Done the Just for today card
Just accepting I'm in withdrawals from my addictive pattern.
Have colossal resistance towards phoning my sponsor.
Pride rage frustration self pity
But I'm not surprised my life is in tatters in so many ways but it is recoverable.
Anyway just being honest
Let the yoyo continue
Just do not pick up the poison!!
And one day at a time (How I hate that... but its so true!)
It will improve.
I know exactly why people don't make it these feelings that are present today are bordering on being intolerable.
I feel for me its because I know my potential who I can be sober
It's so painful to let go of the drinking come back to the world and become aware of the devastation and the time it's going to take to get it all sorted.
My no1 resentment right now is myself for being a chronic relapser but if I don't find the strength of character to endure this misery I will cave in again and again.
For what temporary oblivion more devastation!
No I've only got to give myself permission to abstain until I go back to sleep later.
I'm defo flimsy but I'm better than I was before today.
This is my now third 24 hour stage of abstinence.
Just boiled up a pot of peppermint green tea.
For a guy like me that's an act of self love!
G
Shaky start! But ok.
Prayer on my knees
Done the Just for today card
Just accepting I'm in withdrawals from my addictive pattern.
Have colossal resistance towards phoning my sponsor.
Pride rage frustration self pity
But I'm not surprised my life is in tatters in so many ways but it is recoverable.
Anyway just being honest
Let the yoyo continue
Just do not pick up the poison!!
And one day at a time (How I hate that... but its so true!)
It will improve.
I know exactly why people don't make it these feelings that are present today are bordering on being intolerable.
I feel for me its because I know my potential who I can be sober
It's so painful to let go of the drinking come back to the world and become aware of the devastation and the time it's going to take to get it all sorted.
My no1 resentment right now is myself for being a chronic relapser but if I don't find the strength of character to endure this misery I will cave in again and again.
For what temporary oblivion more devastation!
No I've only got to give myself permission to abstain until I go back to sleep later.
I'm defo flimsy but I'm better than I was before today.
This is my now third 24 hour stage of abstinence.
Just boiled up a pot of peppermint green tea.
For a guy like me that's an act of self love!
G
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You know in AA we talk about sharing our experience, strength and hope. I found that in early days I had very little of any of these to sustain me. That's why meetings helped.
The strength we find on this journey tends not to be where we thought it would be, or look how we thought it would look. In AA it come come through fellowship. Think of one single wooden green stick, and how easy that is to snap. Yet a bundle of them together in your hands would be strong. Once I stopped letting my pride get in the way and started asking for, and accepting help, and then through service givibg it as well, then i found I had more strength at my disposal than I ever thought I could have. The fact that it isn't soley 'mine' is neither here nor there.
Tradition One: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.
BB
The strength we find on this journey tends not to be where we thought it would be, or look how we thought it would look. In AA it come come through fellowship. Think of one single wooden green stick, and how easy that is to snap. Yet a bundle of them together in your hands would be strong. Once I stopped letting my pride get in the way and started asking for, and accepting help, and then through service givibg it as well, then i found I had more strength at my disposal than I ever thought I could have. The fact that it isn't soley 'mine' is neither here nor there.
Tradition One: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Yeah
Spoke to sponsor and tried calling another member
Went shopping
Pride is ok if it's pride in self care
But the type thAt says... how dare You!
Is deadly!
I've been in 12 steps since 2009
Had two attempts through the 12 steps
Giving it my all
It s going to take what it's gonna take.
This is going to be my breakthrough year
Only I have to change.
Strength in unity.. absolutely!
G
Spoke to sponsor and tried calling another member
Went shopping
Pride is ok if it's pride in self care
But the type thAt says... how dare You!
Is deadly!
I've been in 12 steps since 2009
Had two attempts through the 12 steps
Giving it my all
It s going to take what it's gonna take.
This is going to be my breakthrough year
Only I have to change.
Strength in unity.. absolutely!
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
White wolf.
The white wolf...
Like a smile from the mountains
A look from the pass
A strength through the sadness
A friend to adore!
The white wolf lives in daybreak
The white wolf walks at night
The white wolf
Holds the answers
The white wolf heals all scars
The white wolf's yes a friend
The white wolf knows the way
The white wolf never falters
The white wolf growls in flames all colours of the one
The white wolf sings in magnets
The white wolf knows no harm.
The white wolf loves with a tenderness to share
The white wolf is the soft voice of conscience that cares
The white wolf I see you I feel your around
White wolf your my true voice my only way out.
Black wolf I'm not sorry
Black wolf your in pain
Black wolf it's dreadful where you take me some days.
Black wolf hey thanks for the blast
But black wolf it's time you took a long nap.
Like eternity!!
Black wolf your a shaker a mover.. bulldozering your way.
I'm putting you in storage in a crate labelled
Shame!
Black wolf if I need you I'll rattle your crate
Goodbye crazy driver on your suicide train
I'm packing up now heading north to the pass
Meeting my white wolf
Walking a sober sane path!
Like a smile from the mountains
A look from the pass
A strength through the sadness
A friend to adore!
The white wolf lives in daybreak
The white wolf walks at night
The white wolf
Holds the answers
The white wolf heals all scars
The white wolf's yes a friend
The white wolf knows the way
The white wolf never falters
The white wolf growls in flames all colours of the one
The white wolf sings in magnets
The white wolf knows no harm.
The white wolf loves with a tenderness to share
The white wolf is the soft voice of conscience that cares
The white wolf I see you I feel your around
White wolf your my true voice my only way out.
Black wolf I'm not sorry
Black wolf your in pain
Black wolf it's dreadful where you take me some days.
Black wolf hey thanks for the blast
But black wolf it's time you took a long nap.
Like eternity!!
Black wolf your a shaker a mover.. bulldozering your way.
I'm putting you in storage in a crate labelled
Shame!
Black wolf if I need you I'll rattle your crate
Goodbye crazy driver on your suicide train
I'm packing up now heading north to the pass
Meeting my white wolf
Walking a sober sane path!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I've been writing about the wolves
I like to use creativity in sharing
Because I think a lot of sub conscious
Drives are at work in my behaviour
Just talking ABC... doesn't equate to the reality within!
In
my own life my creativity gets blocked when I'm unwell.
It's like that resource is where recovery is and addiction stifles and tramples it!
H
I like to use creativity in sharing
Because I think a lot of sub conscious
Drives are at work in my behaviour
Just talking ABC... doesn't equate to the reality within!
In
my own life my creativity gets blocked when I'm unwell.It's like that resource is where recovery is and addiction stifles and tramples it!
H
Last edited by Ghoster18; 01-08-2018 at 07:18 AM. Reason: Spelling
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
It took me a while to get my creativity back after quitting - I'd lost it for several years.
It's back now...it's different to what it was under the influence of whatever but but deeper and more meaningful now if that makes sense.
D
It's back now...it's different to what it was under the influence of whatever but but deeper and more meaningful now if that makes sense.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 192
Ghoster18 I meant to reply on you're creativity a few days ago it touched me and the white wolves today.
I'm not a creative poet/writer and normally don't read such writing...
Maybe it's my love of wolves. I have 3 rather beautiful large prints by 3 Well known artists hanging in my bedroom.
Had to write haiku in HS and I remember I wrote
"The moutain
with the wolf on it
stood taller than the rest"
Anyway off topic or maybe not. We could be that wolf. And we could stand tall. I'm on Day 16 and I honestly have been through withdrawal too times too count. I've haven't made it this long since 2007.
I just find I can't believe everything I think helps a lot.
I'm not a creative poet/writer and normally don't read such writing...
Maybe it's my love of wolves. I have 3 rather beautiful large prints by 3 Well known artists hanging in my bedroom.
Had to write haiku in HS and I remember I wrote
"The moutain
with the wolf on it
stood taller than the rest"
Anyway off topic or maybe not. We could be that wolf. And we could stand tall. I'm on Day 16 and I honestly have been through withdrawal too times too count. I've haven't made it this long since 2007.
I just find I can't believe everything I think helps a lot.
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