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Old 12-17-2017, 08:35 PM
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Feel like drinking

So my son comes out his room dressed in a wig, and tons of makeup.. i really cant get grips with this. Lord no im trying to understand but cant help but feel embarrassed. Which i feel bad for being embarrassed. I keep thinking what if someone I know see him.. i know drinking wont solve it.
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Old 12-17-2017, 08:46 PM
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It;s going to take a while. Its a process Toni.
That would be the same for lots of parents.

But yeah - drinking will not help a bit.

D
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Old 12-17-2017, 08:58 PM
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Life doesn't usually fit in nice boxes or follow the path we expect. Drinking will make it harder, not easier....stick around here Toni.
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:06 PM
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I feel for you as a parent. Just know it's nothing you did wrong. It's who he is. Drinking would solve nothing at all here. Try to relax a bit and let him know you love him.
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:12 PM
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I'm pretty sure that there will be a specialised support network, for you and your Son. Perhaps Google for one?
I can only imagine how you're feeling. At the end of the day though, he needs your love and support and if the people you're worried about seeing him, are any type of decent.caring people, then they should at the very least, try to understand. If not, then are they worth bothering about anyway?
I imagine your Son is as lost and confused as you are right now. Be strong for him and like others have said, a sober you is what he needs right now.
Hugs to you both.
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:18 PM
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I'm not a parent but I'd like to think I could get close to this position, even if it took me a little time.
My children will grow up in a house that loves them. My children will know support and acceptance from the second they are born to the end of their lives. I will never let my children think there is anything wrong with them, regardless of sexuality or religion or looks or gender.

If my child identifies as transgender, that's OK. If my child doesn't identify as any gender (called identifying as nonbinary), that's OK. If my child identifies as all genders or a different gender every day (called identifying as bigender or demigender), that's OK. The only thing that is not OK is if my children think they are broken because of what gender they identify as. They're not. I refuse to let them think they are.

There are people who believe there are only two genders. There are people who will believe my children are flawed when they express who they are. It's fine. They don't have to agree with me. As long as they don't try to shove their opinions at me and my children and make them feel as if they're doing something wrong.

Nothing will ever make me stop loving my children. They will be a part of me that no one can shake. Their gender or lack thereof will never repulse me. I will love and support them to the ends of the earth. After all, love and support are not tied to a certain gender.

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/child-transgender
What I do know a lot more about is drinking - Drinking over lack of power, over fear and over change and worries about the future.

I mentioned AA before Toni?
is that something you'd consider?

it might help to have other people to talk on the phone or face to face when you feel like drinking?

D
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:52 PM
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There are no top trumps when it comes to "who has the biggest issue to deal with" when it comes to being a parent, so please don't think I am in any way trying to downgrade your worries in the slightest. What I am about to write is to try and help with the specific issue of alcoholism.

I lost my only child (my son also) overnight nearly ten years ago. All I can tell you is that drinking myself into a stupor every single night for nearly a decade didn't help me one bit.

I wish you strength and love to see out your dilemma and hope you do not drink in order to ease your journey to acceptance of some sorts about your son.

Regards,

JT
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Old 12-18-2017, 08:22 PM
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how are you today tonisherrell ?
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Old 12-19-2017, 04:36 AM
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Hi you're not on the wrong site. You need help with stopping drinking as we all go and that's why we're here. Life certainly throws us some difficult situations but as others have said drinking won't help anything.
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Old 12-19-2017, 05:11 AM
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Exactly...Toni, you are in the right place. We are your peeps for dealing with real life, not as we imagine it...sober.

I dont have kids either, but I have friends and family of all stripes, in and out of every kind of closet. I also know I thoroughly disappointed, betrayed, and embarrassed my parents, in ways large and small, in ways they are and are not aware of. Your son is trusting and trying you. You will both find your ways with trust and respect and love. If you hold onto those, even imperfectly, and stay sober....you are being who you and your family need you to be. And that is all we can do for anyone.

Edit: and by all means, seek additional appropriate support. More is more in this case! We all have more than one tribe, I am sure.
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Old 12-19-2017, 05:52 AM
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Posts removed.
Please take personal back and forth stuff to PMs.

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Old 12-19-2017, 06:00 AM
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Toni, be patient with yourself and with your child. This is a time of transition and it could be a time for you and your child to strengthen your bond, and to give him the support that will last a lifetime.
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