There are no top trumps when it comes to "who has the biggest issue to deal with" when it comes to being a parent, so please don't think I am in any way trying to downgrade your worries in the slightest. What I am about to write is to try and help with the specific issue of alcoholism.
I lost my only child (my son also) overnight nearly ten years ago. All I can tell you is that drinking myself into a stupor every single night for nearly a decade didn't help me one bit.
I wish you strength and love to see out your dilemma and hope you do not drink in order to ease your journey to acceptance of some sorts about your son.
Regards,
JT