Change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2
Change
I've been fighting for alcohol for as long as I could remember. To be honest its been a silent battle. My struggle with alcohol has been my dirty little secret. My friends have seen me lose control but we always laugh it off because we're young and dabbling in drugs and alcohol seem to be a social norm. I started to realize that I had a problem when I started blacking out, not remembering what I did for long intervals of time which is absolutely terrifying. My relationship ship with alcohol has created tension in my life I've lied, burned bridges, and made a fool of myself.
Im ready to fight, I want to change. I want to be a better person and start using alcohol in a controlled manner for enjoyment rather than as a tool to forget.
Much love, hope everyone is doing well.
Im ready to fight, I want to change. I want to be a better person and start using alcohol in a controlled manner for enjoyment rather than as a tool to forget.
Much love, hope everyone is doing well.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by AlwaysHope47 
I want to be a better person and start using alcohol in a controlled manner for enjoyment rather than as a tool to forget.
i had to completely abstain so that i could work on the real problem which is me
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, this is a sobriety forum so you won't get support for moderate drinking here, but you'll get tons of support for stopping drinking.
Once you're at the stage you describe, it's all-or-nothing. Black out drinking is pretty dangerous in lots of ways. Unfortunately, drinkers like us don't "become" normal drinkers. I tried that for quite a while and it just doesn't work.
What do you think about just quitting completely? It's a lot better on the sober side.
Once you're at the stage you describe, it's all-or-nothing. Black out drinking is pretty dangerous in lots of ways. Unfortunately, drinkers like us don't "become" normal drinkers. I tried that for quite a while and it just doesn't work.
What do you think about just quitting completely? It's a lot better on the sober side.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
This is a good place for support. I have learned the hard way that stopping by myself does not work, I need the help, words of wisdom and support of others. The logic of letting my own alcoholic brain solve my problems for me has finally sunk in...if you can fine real-time support where you are I recommend that too. Good luck, you can do it and won't regret it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome AlwaysHope,
I think most of us found ourselves here with very similar feelings to the ones you are having right now.
I tried to moderate my drinking many times, and it never worked for me. I would constantkynfind myself bartering with myself that I could have just a little more wine, and then a little more. I always found myself back to a place where I was drinking more than I should have been.
I didn't have a big rock bottom moment, just lots of little moments when I was not at my best. I deserved better, and did my family and friends.
The beginning is tough, and having a plan is absolutely needed. I used to think I just won't drink, and that is all I need to do, but there is so much more to recovery. It was really about focusing on making healthy choices physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Dee has a great link about recovery plans. Also, two great threads to start posting on are the monthly classes, if you join November you will find others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. Also, the 24 hour thread is a great place to check in each day and commit to the next 24 hours of sobriety. I love this thread because everyone is supportive through good days and bad days.
I have been on SR since 2012, and it took me a while to finally get sobriety right, I will have two years sober January 1st, and spending time reading and posting on this site each day has been a big part of my recovery.
I will post a few helpful links below. I know it seems scary, but life is so much better sober. You can do this!
I think most of us found ourselves here with very similar feelings to the ones you are having right now.
I tried to moderate my drinking many times, and it never worked for me. I would constantkynfind myself bartering with myself that I could have just a little more wine, and then a little more. I always found myself back to a place where I was drinking more than I should have been.
I didn't have a big rock bottom moment, just lots of little moments when I was not at my best. I deserved better, and did my family and friends.
The beginning is tough, and having a plan is absolutely needed. I used to think I just won't drink, and that is all I need to do, but there is so much more to recovery. It was really about focusing on making healthy choices physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Dee has a great link about recovery plans. Also, two great threads to start posting on are the monthly classes, if you join November you will find others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month. Also, the 24 hour thread is a great place to check in each day and commit to the next 24 hours of sobriety. I love this thread because everyone is supportive through good days and bad days.
I have been on SR since 2012, and it took me a while to finally get sobriety right, I will have two years sober January 1st, and spending time reading and posting on this site each day has been a big part of my recovery.
I will post a few helpful links below. I know it seems scary, but life is so much better sober. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Here are the links I mentioned above:
Link about Recovery Plans
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
24 Hour Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-319-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 319)
November Class
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...17-pt-2-a.html
Link about Recovery Plans
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
24 Hour Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-319-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connection Part 319)
November Class
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...17-pt-2-a.html
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Many of us have hoped to find controlled drinking and found it doesn't work. On this board, we support abstinence. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, the best option is to stop drinking and be the person you want to be.
I hope you decide to join us in stopping drinking alcohol.
I hope you decide to join us in stopping drinking alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2
Thank you for all the feedback ! I must admit abstaining completely from alcohol will be incredibly difficult. I'm not sure how to do it, it feels as though I'm surrounded by it all the time. My source of happiness has been alcohol for so long I don't know how to function without it. I'm not sure as how to start being sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, AlwaysHope! I'm so glad you've joined us to talk about your situation.
I felt just as you do when I realized I was in trouble with my drinking. For years I was determined to control the amounts I drank. The idea of giving it up completely seemed impossible. Continuing to drink led me to a very dangerous place. I had blackouts too - and ended up living very recklessly. I lost years of my life, spent in an alcoholic fog. We hope you'll consider stopping all together. We'd love to save you from the heartbreak & devastation many of us have faced. It's good to have you with us.
I felt just as you do when I realized I was in trouble with my drinking. For years I was determined to control the amounts I drank. The idea of giving it up completely seemed impossible. Continuing to drink led me to a very dangerous place. I had blackouts too - and ended up living very recklessly. I lost years of my life, spent in an alcoholic fog. We hope you'll consider stopping all together. We'd love to save you from the heartbreak & devastation many of us have faced. It's good to have you with us.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I didn't know what I'd do if I didn't drink, but after the first few months of seriously "not drinking", it eased up and I could see how much better my life was sober. 
I have never woken up sober and wished I had drank the night before.
I have never woken up sober and wished I had drank the night before.
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