Misc72

Yep, my ex husband and I have VERY turbulent relationship. I was at his step sons wedding, and he was having groups of people go out to his car to chug homemade moonshine. He saw me and said come on girl. He introduced me and felt really proud that I was there and we get along. He passed the jug to me.... Luckily I was standing behind a girl who was blocking me and I turned it up didn't ingest 1 oz. at all. I started choking and coughing and saying wow that is strong where did you get that. I didn't want to disappoint him and he was extending an olive branch. So yeah that happened. Whatever. I didn't even let it tough my lips and he was happy I was part of it. So win win sort of. Hours later I was leaving and he was still out there with others chugging moonshine. I ducked behind cars so they wouldn't notice me and got the hell out of there.

biminiblue

Are you afraid of him?

Misc72

No, I just wanted to be cool and accept his offer or kindness of sharing.

Dee74

I am glad you didn't actually drink, but honestly I think its hard enough to get and stay sober without pretending to still be a drinker.

Would it have been the worst thing in the world to say no thanks to your ex?

D

biminiblue

Yeah, the thread title is off to me. "HAD TO fake drink moonshine."


No. You didn't "have to," Sunshine.

"Oh, no thanks."

I'm absolutely 100% certain that the worst that could have happened is he (and his friends) could have teased you a little bit as you walked away. That's just life. There are lots of things I don't do that other people do, ya know?

I don't even pick up alcohol. No reason to.

Sunflowerlife

Games like this are going to get you in trouble eventually. You seem non-chalant about it but sobriety unfortunately doesn't seem to work this way. I wish you luck but I don't think hanging out with people who are drinking moonshine are going to help you in the long run. Any chance you can tell him about your goal of sobriety? Any reason you are hiding it from him?

August252015

Agree with the comments above from Dee and Sunflower in particular....

Said respectfully - he is your ex for a reaons(s), right? I am so careful with people in my life- including my own parents!- that I do not turn over the keys to my sobriety to anyone else. I have also had to reframe what is a "compliment" and things to be proud of as far as what others invite me to or praise me for.....honestly, I don't have people in my life- I don't allow them- that don't support my sobriety 100%. It doesn't sound like he does that kind of thing for you.

Putting my sobriety first allows me to do and have EVERYTHING else in my life.

Anna

This is also said respectfully - One of the most important and significant things I learned in early recovery was to say 'No'. I'm sorry that you felt you had to pretend to do/be something you aren't.

tomsteve

sunshine, you went through similar feelings/emotions/thoughts with the neighbors and the pool situation,eh?
had courage to stand up for yourself,eh?

not only that,
"Hours later I was leaving and he was still out there with others chugging moonshine."
think he was really doin that whole olive branch thing? think he really would have been disappointed?
should you care if he would be disappointed if ya didnt drink?
NO.

PLEASE protect your sobriety like your life depends on it.
because it does.

tomsteve

WAIT- your EX and HIS STEP son?
why on earth should you even care what his STEP son thinks of you????

Misc72

I was caught off guard. I was terrified and didn't have time to think it through.

Healthyandsober

I can understand sunshine and I would say this and I'm not implying this is your situation but in my case I want to pretend I still drink and have a glass with people at work because secretly I harbor hopes that one day I can drink again.

I need to be careful I don't drink so why the pretenses. I'm not saying this is your case but just saying I get it. Alcoholism is tricky it has a life of its own. Best of luck

Pondlady

Now that you've been through this situation, you can handle it differently in the future and be true t o yourself.

August252015

The use of words like "terrified" scares me, as does "turbulent" - having been in an abusive live in relationship, I see a lot of flags in your post about why this "relationship" is part of your life.....

I hope you will continue to be sober and make good decisions that keep you safe. Also...I have a plan for all situations and leave if ANYTHING threatens my emotional sobriety. That's key to my physical sobriety- and fear that I'm "over-reacting" to whatever bothers me just has to be a non-issue because I am taking care of me.

tomsteve

understandable. ive been caught off guard,too.
can still get caught off guard. i think that is just one of the consequences of being human- we can be caught off guard from time to time.
and use those situations as learning experiences.

and now let it go,eh? well, the situation, anyways. prolly be wise to hold onto the lesson.

Fly N Buy

Everyone has their own journey - kudos on being honest. Hold on to that, it will carry you far. Sharing your experience can help others as this post undoubtedly will.

To thine ownself be true - that is my mantra today as best I can. It takes practice in terms of how that unfolds. At least in my case it does. Things aren't linear, the edge is jagged. I always try to check my motivations and adjust accordingly.

Keep trudging.........

site1Q84

I often find that people who are made uncomfortable by me not drinking have a drinking problem of their own.

DangerZone

Good job on not drinking that is the most important fact. Only advice I would give is remember people usually don't care whether you drink or not. When i drank I didn't care if someone didn't. I usually found it interesting and I'd wonder why but I would not think any less of a person.

You can always say I am driving but don't ever be ashamed of the fact you don't drink. It's a personal choice just like you make a choice to not do heroin or cocaine or drink a certain soda over another.

'Fake' drinking is dangerous because I think it could easily lead to an eventual slip up or others encouraging you to drink more throughout the night. So please be careful but overall great job. You should be proud of yourself.

Behappy1

Thank you for your honesty! It’s very easy to be caught off guard. Hopefully you can be better prepared to avoid these situations in the future.

applewakesup

I'm sorry that you came to post that you were proud of yourself for handling a difficult situation without drinking and everyone is telling you that you shouldn't be proud. They have a point that there are other ways of handling it. BUT, you should be proud. You found a way to handle a very difficult situation without compromising your sobriety and without making you feel other in that situation. We don't know the circumstances of your life.

Also, good on you for caring about your relationship with your ex-husband. Those are tough things to sort out in the best of situations.