Need help. Time for a change.
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Need help. Time for a change.
Drinking has caused problems in my life as well as my marriage and relationships. I do not need alcohol daily, but when I do drink I can never just have 1 or 2. Specifically in a social situation where everyone is out at the bar or a social gathering. If I am with my wife at dinner I have no issues just having 1 or 2. Those are my favorite times when it is just us going out to eat for a nice meal and maybe a glass or two of wine. But when I am around a group of people drinking or at a bar with friends I'm always the one who drinks my drinks fast and grabs another. I have blacked out on numerous occasions and one time in my life thought I was going to die due to alcohol poisoning. I have made bad decisions when drunk like coming on to other women and driving home drunk. My hangovers seem to be getting worse as I get older (30yrs). I can't function the next day after a drunken night or a two day bender. My wife gets upset with me if we are at a family gathering and I'm having anxiety because of my hangover or am tired and cannot be myself. I am also on antidepressants because I have had anxiety that can be very difficult to deal with even without drinking. But when I drink it is even worse the next day. Since my early 20's I have been binge drinking. It's time for a change. Any advice or comments is appreciated.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Hello New! I'm also new here! Im 20 days in and sober and what I have to offer is this....come back here everyday and read, read, read....thats what Ive done so far, and my resolve is slowly, but surely, being created! Its like the idea of quitting is only the birth, of a whole new life! So, you don't have to react anymore, just be like a child, and learn! There are years and years of wisdom and support on this site! You are in the right place! Hope this helps... 
Wrandi
Wrandi
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Originally Posted by Wrandi1 
Hello New! I'm also new here! Im 20 days in and sober and what I have to offer is this....come back here everyday and read, read, read....thats what Ive done so far, and my resolve is slowly, but surely, being created! Its like the idea of quitting is only the birth, of a whole new life! So, you don't have to react anymore, just be like a child, and learn! There are years and years of wisdom and support on this site! You are in the right place! Hope this helps...
Wrandi
Wrandi
Thank you for the great advice, I will definitely keep this in mind. Also congrats on 20 days sober!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
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- Drinking has caused problems in my life.
- I can never just have 1 or 2.
- I have blacked out on numerous occasions.
- My wife gets upset with me if we are at a family gathering and I'm having anxiety because of my hangover or am tired and cannot be myself.
- I am also on antidepressants because I have had anxiety (actually depression for me).
Welcome
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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I have 29 days no drink so far.
Welcome[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the comment and encouragement and huge congrats on 29 days so far. At this point in my life I just know it's either keep going and making mistakes and disappointing others and myself or commit to a lifestyle change.
Welcome[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the comment and encouragement and huge congrats on 29 days so far. At this point in my life I just know it's either keep going and making mistakes and disappointing others and myself or commit to a lifestyle change.
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Welcome and I believe you're right about needing to make a change in your life. As you may have noticed, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop drinking.
It's a good idea to come up with a plan as to how you will recover. You will always find lots of support here.
It's a good idea to come up with a plan as to how you will recover. You will always find lots of support here.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Welcome aboard NewBeginnings17
Yeah it's hard to accept that you need to stop drinking completely when there are times when you have an external constraint placed upon you (like being with your wife) and you force yourself to drink normally.
In my experience that was like damping down a volcano tho - the next time I could drink without restraint- with my buddies or whatever - I made up for lost drinks....
Theres a lot of support here - read around and post as much as you like - life can get way better sober
Your meds should work better when you're not taking then with alcohol too.
D
Yeah it's hard to accept that you need to stop drinking completely when there are times when you have an external constraint placed upon you (like being with your wife) and you force yourself to drink normally.
In my experience that was like damping down a volcano tho - the next time I could drink without restraint- with my buddies or whatever - I made up for lost drinks....
Theres a lot of support here - read around and post as much as you like - life can get way better sober
Your meds should work better when you're not taking then with alcohol too.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Welcome to SR, if and when you can achieve sobriety you will find it to be more rewarding and not nearly as difficult as time goes on. If you are like most of us, we can keep a lid on for awhile here and there but eventually you blow up and are full of regret, guilt and shame once again. All that goes away in sobriety. You're young, go for it. You'll be glad you did.
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Location: Adelaide, Australia
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NB- welcome. Make a plan. Stuff in the Sticky's. Like a business plan or a workout circuit. See a doc- TAKING MEDICATION AND BOOZE DOES NOT WORK! I know. Get to counseling- to work out ways to deal with stress and anxiety. I got those- along with depression. And c-PTSD, and stuff.
Time for THAT word- AA meetings. Yes 'god' is mentioned but then again so is Buddha. Regular on the ground support- to rewire the brain, learn, share- understand. When I stopped boozing- I then had a level playing field to deal with life. Meetings help me, be-c other people share what they so that works, what did not work and they help me feel less of a freak. There is an expression oft used- 'I am just a garden variety alcoholic'. A lot of people think- regardless of how they are affected- they they are somehow different. You would be very hard pressed to find no one who has a commonality with your own story.
It is about doing stuff, taking action- not just sitting at home, feeling shame and guilt and wishing and hoping and praying that will power alone will work. It does not for 99.9999% of people. We are social animals. SMART meetings are good to set short term goals and strategies and the focus is on group feed-b, not listening to stories. People like stories. We have been doing it for thousands of years.
Also remember HALTS. If you feel Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/thirsty or Sad/stressed- do something about it. Rest, eat hydrate, mindful breathing, go to a meeting- or get help.
You have an awareness of booze being very bad for you. Early on. There are a few choices. Read/share/learn and be proactive, ignore everything and drink- or continue to stumble about in the dark- having that feeling of guilt etc- and eventually after years of in ground drinking- hit rock bottom.
That is the route I took. I will not go to hell- I created my own. Your awareness is a gift- learn to use it through action.
I also use SR - a lot at night. There is always someone about- globally. Join some of the threads- Class of August 2017 and the 24 hour report in ones, for example. There is also one- to share, input and be involved with- for weekends.
Empathy and support to you. You WILL feel better if you take action and not just hope to luck. Keep posting.
Time for THAT word- AA meetings. Yes 'god' is mentioned but then again so is Buddha. Regular on the ground support- to rewire the brain, learn, share- understand. When I stopped boozing- I then had a level playing field to deal with life. Meetings help me, be-c other people share what they so that works, what did not work and they help me feel less of a freak. There is an expression oft used- 'I am just a garden variety alcoholic'. A lot of people think- regardless of how they are affected- they they are somehow different. You would be very hard pressed to find no one who has a commonality with your own story.
It is about doing stuff, taking action- not just sitting at home, feeling shame and guilt and wishing and hoping and praying that will power alone will work. It does not for 99.9999% of people. We are social animals. SMART meetings are good to set short term goals and strategies and the focus is on group feed-b, not listening to stories. People like stories. We have been doing it for thousands of years.
Also remember HALTS. If you feel Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/thirsty or Sad/stressed- do something about it. Rest, eat hydrate, mindful breathing, go to a meeting- or get help.
You have an awareness of booze being very bad for you. Early on. There are a few choices. Read/share/learn and be proactive, ignore everything and drink- or continue to stumble about in the dark- having that feeling of guilt etc- and eventually after years of in ground drinking- hit rock bottom.
That is the route I took. I will not go to hell- I created my own. Your awareness is a gift- learn to use it through action.
I also use SR - a lot at night. There is always someone about- globally. Join some of the threads- Class of August 2017 and the 24 hour report in ones, for example. There is also one- to share, input and be involved with- for weekends.
Empathy and support to you. You WILL feel better if you take action and not just hope to luck. Keep posting.
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
NB- welcome.
Empathy and support to you. You WILL feel better if you take action and not just hope to luck. Keep posting.
Empathy and support to you. You WILL feel better if you take action and not just hope to luck. Keep posting.
Thank you so much for the support and reply. It has really resonated. My anxiety has been at an all time high due to mistakes I've recently made while blacked out. So much that I have been feeling physically sick. I am contemplating seeing a psychiatrist to vent and talk about everything that I have been keeping bottled up to myself. There is no better time than now to make a change, give up drinking and begin a healthier lifestyle. I enjoy feeling healthy and mentally sharp. I love my job, but my performance has suffered due to hangovers and bad anxiety recently. I appreciate everyone's support on here, I no longer feel alone and helpless. I have once thought about ending it all to save the misery I cause and potentially will cause my wife and family/friends, but I know "this too shall pass". I will get better.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Thank you
Thank you all for the comments. It means more than you will ever know. I'm in the lowest point of my life. I've have a good life and very well liked by people of my community. A lot of accomplishments. I am very fortunate to be where I am. They just don't know the demons I fight and continue to fight (I know everyone is fighting some kind of battle). It's not addiction - it's alcohol abuse and anxiety that is hard to deal with when life is bumpy or throws me a curveballs. Or as of late, when I make bad mistakes that hurt close friends and myself. I have self destructive tendencies that contribute to my anxiety and make me worry beyond control. I've always been a binge drinker since college even when times are good, I don't drink because I am sad. But the result of my drinking has made my life spiral out of control.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Do you have a plan for staying sober NB ?
D
D
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Yeah I really had to get the idea that it was the first drink that got me into trouble, not the last one...
If I don't drink at all I save myself a lot of trouble and anguish.
There are some good ideas for plans here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
If I don't drink at all I save myself a lot of trouble and anguish.
There are some good ideas for plans here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Here I am again. I had a binge drinking escapade with friends this past weekend. I haven't given up drinking since I posted the OP, but have tried to cut down. I don't drink during the week anymore, and even gave it up for 3 weeks in January at an attempt for Dry January, which I felt great every day. But when I go out with friends on a Saturday night in a city, we start drinking early in the day, bar/brewery hopping the whole day and it's hard for me to pace myself or even stop or know when to stop.
This time, I ended the night with a self diagnosed concussion after hitting my the side of my head in the hotel room. I have spent this week laying down/sleeping as soon as I get home from work, as I have been dizzy, achy and ears ringing at times. A friend of mine even caused my wife and I to get in a fight that night. My anxiety has been under control the past 5-6 months and no longer take medication for it, but this week it came back after that night. Physically just feeling bad, and emotionally feeling bad. I have been skipping the gym, and almost called off of work today.
My drinking is much worse when around my friends and my wife's friends (they are all single, same friends we grew up with), and told my wife we need to start hanging out with other people, because they never grew up after college. Maybe find married friends.
A little background, we moved back to our hometown for a job I got (and love) about 9 months ago, we were previously living 500 miles away. Now that we are back home, we miss doing things with just us, and not worrying about our single friends always wanting to hang out.
I don't know if I could ever give up drinking completely, rather remove myself from situations like the one this past weekend and distance myself from our toxic friends. My wife and I enjoy a beer together, and I even started learning how to brew beer. Her and I are on the exact same page as far as separating ourselves from our friends, and situations like that. She can control her drinking, never having more than 3-4 in a night, but she (obviously) knows I have a problem trying to when we are out with a group of friends.
This time, I ended the night with a self diagnosed concussion after hitting my the side of my head in the hotel room. I have spent this week laying down/sleeping as soon as I get home from work, as I have been dizzy, achy and ears ringing at times. A friend of mine even caused my wife and I to get in a fight that night. My anxiety has been under control the past 5-6 months and no longer take medication for it, but this week it came back after that night. Physically just feeling bad, and emotionally feeling bad. I have been skipping the gym, and almost called off of work today.
My drinking is much worse when around my friends and my wife's friends (they are all single, same friends we grew up with), and told my wife we need to start hanging out with other people, because they never grew up after college. Maybe find married friends.
A little background, we moved back to our hometown for a job I got (and love) about 9 months ago, we were previously living 500 miles away. Now that we are back home, we miss doing things with just us, and not worrying about our single friends always wanting to hang out.
I don't know if I could ever give up drinking completely, rather remove myself from situations like the one this past weekend and distance myself from our toxic friends. My wife and I enjoy a beer together, and I even started learning how to brew beer. Her and I are on the exact same page as far as separating ourselves from our friends, and situations like that. She can control her drinking, never having more than 3-4 in a night, but she (obviously) knows I have a problem trying to when we are out with a group of friends.
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Originally Posted by NewBeginnings17
I don't know if I could ever give up drinking completely, rather remove myself from situations like the one this past weekend and distance myself from our toxic friends. My wife and I enjoy a beer together, and I even started learning how to brew beer.
Well, you're wrong. If you have to control your drinking, it's already out of control.
And it gets worse.
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You seem determined to keep drinking, convinced that it's not alcohol that's the problem, but merely the context in which you drink it. So if you can control that, you can control your drinking.
Well, you're wrong. If you have to control your drinking, it's already out of control.
And it gets worse.
Well, you're wrong. If you have to control your drinking, it's already out of control.
And it gets worse.
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Carl made a great point
I didn't think I could ever stop drinking either, even tho I know I had no stop button - my drinking defined me and permeated every part of my life and being.
Then, like you, I had a fall, but I ended up with several mini strokes - that terrified me and suddenly my drinking life was not so impossible to quit.
(I'm not suggesting this has happened to you - I have a medical history that predisposes me to things like that - but if you haven't seen a Dr and you feel dizzy or unwell, I hope you will just to be safe)
So...anyway...changing my life.
I won't lie - it was hard work- even exhausting sometimes but I give thanks I got the chance to change and that I stuck with it.
Ten years down the road, I'm not longer defined by my drinking and I love my life and I love the me I discovered when I quit drinking -life is no longer the ordeal it was when I was drinking.
I hope you'll give it a go.
D
I didn't think I could ever stop drinking either, even tho I know I had no stop button - my drinking defined me and permeated every part of my life and being.
Then, like you, I had a fall, but I ended up with several mini strokes - that terrified me and suddenly my drinking life was not so impossible to quit.
(I'm not suggesting this has happened to you - I have a medical history that predisposes me to things like that - but if you haven't seen a Dr and you feel dizzy or unwell, I hope you will just to be safe)
So...anyway...changing my life.
I won't lie - it was hard work- even exhausting sometimes but I give thanks I got the chance to change and that I stuck with it.
Ten years down the road, I'm not longer defined by my drinking and I love my life and I love the me I discovered when I quit drinking -life is no longer the ordeal it was when I was drinking.
I hope you'll give it a go.
D
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