LisainBC

tonight!

I'm trying this, my accountability thread for at least tonight. There's nothing I want more right now, Friday night, than to go out and get a bottle of wine and spend the night with it. But instead I'm going to have a quick dinner and then a little later go for a run.

I’ll check in after the run!

And thanks SR for being here.

Anna

That sounds like a good plan, Lisa!

D122y

Lisa,

It gets easier.

What is your drinking history?

How much and how long? What makes you want to quit?

I understand if you want to keep it private as well.

I was a binger towards the end. I would drink about 1 liter per week, but sometimes I would drink most of it in one sitting.

My hangovers started lasting for days. In the end, the brain damage...anxiety...paranoia...heavy obsessing...basically "crazyness"...lasted for over a year...off and on.

Now, over 26 months sober....it is all going away. I am feeling sort of normal.

It is liberating.

Thanks.

Hevyn

You sound determined, Lisa. You can do it!

axeman5971

You gotta start with one. Congrats Lisa!

LisainBC

The run is done, now to get through the rest of the night.

Thanks everyone for your support.

D122y - Thank you for asking and sharing your experience and congrats on the 26 months! I want to get there, seems impossible but I know it’s not … My short (sort of) story is my drinking started to escalate in my early 40’s (I’m 50 now). First it was drinking on Friday/Saturday night a bottle of wine each night, then Sunday night (hey, why not), then weekdays, hiding the excessive drinking from my ex all the while. After my divorce 5 years ago I was really drinking more and more and into the daytime for about a year. I managed to quit for a year, then started up again when I started a relationship with a “normal” drinker (you just can’t go back to drinking moderately, it does not work, at least for me!). After that relationship ended, my mother became sick and died last year, a long hard process where I drank to deal with it daily. After her death, I quit for about 5 months then picked up again. Since then (about a year now) I’ve been on a quitting/dinking cycle where I drink a bottle of wine a night for a time period, then stop for a shorter time period, but my AV always seems to win out and I drink again.

I’m really tired of being sick and tired, it’s no way to live and I know I’m killing myself slowly. Just like you say the hangovers last for days. Madness.

I drink to escape my feelings, I obviously need another method to deal with things (thus the running – helps a little) but I know I need more.

Usually after a run I feel so good that I celebrate with a glass of wine which leads to a whole bottle. No wine in the house so as long as I don’t go out to get any I’m safe! I'm looking forward to coffee in the morning.

SimplyFree

I'm 51 and would celebrate a good run with a good Bottle of Porte. Really makes no sense unless you're a drinker. But not anymore, and I feel great without the hangover !

least

I'm glad you didn't drink tonight.

LisainBC

It makes no sense to eat healthy, exercise and then pour poison in your body. But that is the alcoholic brain at work.

Thank you least, made it through tonight, tired and going to bed.

Have a good night or morning everyone.

D122y

Lisa,

Ime...the brain damage is a guarantee.

The anxiety and obsession kept me hooked on booze until I learned it was a breakable cycle.

I still crave, but I am proudly sober and getting stronger every day.

I will never drink again. It is poison to all, especially me.

Now free, and aware, I cherish my sobriety.

I learned it was all about a lack of dopemin... booze altered this.

I exercise 5 to 6 days a week. I see and feel the changes. Others notice too.

It is a new and better way for me to go.

Drinking was fun, until I felt the physical and mental damage deeply.

I probably am permanently damaged. I see folks at my occasional AA meetings that are still wet and in the rain of the damage from addiction.

They are sober but they slur their words and move w an off balance gait. I believe this is part of the cns damage booze causes in the long term. Basically they seem drunk all the time.

Yikes! I was getting there. My balance is definitely off. I don't slur words, but I have an alky coworker that does.

Thanks

heavencanwait

Fantastic. You are on the right track!

LisainBC

Good Morning, coffee was tasty and did not wake up with a desert in mouth from dehydration like I usually would after drinking. The day will be ok but I’ve absolutely thought about drinking tonight already. Just have to get through these first few days. Later today, after 5 will be the challenge. Have a great sober day/night/sleep wherever you are.

Dee74

You can do this Lisa

D

LisainBC

Thank you Dee, so far so good - today I’ve read a lot on SR and rested. Now my plan is to get outside and do some yard cleanup, cook something and eat it, get that run in. Later I will do some house cleanup and bed. Posting a plan last night worked so might work again tonight. I mean it will work again tonight!

Hevyn

Yes it will.

fini

hi Lisa, welcome from another person from BC who got sober at 51.

yes, planning ahead is a useful tool. as is getting engaged on a forum like this. and depending on where in BC you are, you will have a lot of choices of meetings if you are interested in face- to- face support. SMART, AA, some buddhist recovery mtgs. and Lifering.
when you get bored and antsy restless, you can google them all.

LisainBC

Hi fini, nice to meet you. I know I’m going to need a longer term plan, been reading Dee’s master plan post links. I’ve never heard of the Buddhist recovery or Lifering meetings, some things to investigate.

I stuck to my plan tonight, well ok the cleaning house did not happen as it should have! Off to try and sleep, night all.

Anyone struggling, don’t give up, keep trying.

LisainBC

It’s been hard today, I had to go the store for groceries, I almost bought wine, I had to get home as fast as possible once the thought crossed my mind. I’m feeling like I want to numb my feelings more today.

I’m distracting myself with work right now. This is day 3, feels like my hardest day yet.

Lisa

Empathic1

Keep going hun your doing great! It gets easier I promise 💖x

LisainBC

Thank you Empathic1, I don’t know why that made me all teary eyed.

Physically I feel good, acute withdrawals are done I think, bloating gone, face looking better, not physically tired. But this epic battle with the AV in my head is exhausting and I guess my emotions are all over the place today.