A question i never had the balls to ask at AA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one MAJOR thing about the 9th step- making amends is not saying "im sorry."
its not making promises.
i said im sorry so many time to my fiance that she got to a point of sauing,"youre ******* right youre sorry." said," i promise i'll____________" so many times she just rolled her eyes.
making amends is going to the person we are making amends to, explaining how we were wrong, what we should have done differently, and what we've done to change ourselves.
its not making promises.
i said im sorry so many time to my fiance that she got to a point of sauing,"youre ******* right youre sorry." said," i promise i'll____________" so many times she just rolled her eyes.
making amends is going to the person we are making amends to, explaining how we were wrong, what we should have done differently, and what we've done to change ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'm really confused - a few days ago you asked if there was a forum here to start working the steps. you also had a post about guilt always driving you back to drink. another post that asked about amends to those who live far away. today your post asks again about the amends step, but then you say you do NOT plan to do the steps, it's not for you and you've already made your amends and have not guilt or shame.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Mummyto2 
I freed myself a long time ago, and no i have no ammends to make, the reason i asked the question in the first place was because i was curious, certainly no shame or guilt, not everyone needs that baggage dragging them down.
looking back, this was from a few years years ago
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dont-want.html
and why would you have asked about amends just a few short weeks ago?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...re-people.html
or this recent reply
Guilt is what makes most go back to the Devils p*ss, we cant look back only forward, I always say to myself would I have done that sober NO, so its the disease that is at fault, keep moving forward, everything happens for a reason good luck
or this other recent one
I have come back on here as I really want to be sober, as I am fed up with the shame guilt that goes with drinking, hopefully I can do it this time
idk, mummy, it reads like youre doing what i used to do- just stuff it and it will go away.
i hope im wrong about that, but it sure reads that way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Anvilhead when i talk about guilt its from the past, asking about steps etc i am gathering every bit of knowledge i can, if an alcoholic lived on their own with no family and didnt hurt anyone apart from themselves how do they complete the steps, they have no one to make an amends too, but so far people are telling me you must complete every step, i am just trying to understand best i can, sometimes i dont make myself very clear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Sorry didnt see your last bit Tomsteve, last time i quit drinking shame guilt etc sent me straight back to drink, being from a catholic family guilt was everywhere, even perhaps at the start of this time, but as i have continued and have seen what guilt does to ME i cant let that in now, and as far as the amends i have bent over backwards to make them for people that have tried to destroy me and my family, hope this is clearer than the previous posts
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if you are going to embrace the program of recovery offered in AA, then you embrace ALL of it. the steps are not a buffet, where we pick and chose. they were written with a specific intent and in a specific order.
however if, as you have said repeatedly, AA is not "for you" - then you will find other methods that are more to your liking. and perhaps ask questions and discuss those more in depth.
no one lives in complete isolation. that's like asking well what if i was stranded on the moon?
however if, as you have said repeatedly, AA is not "for you" - then you will find other methods that are more to your liking. and perhaps ask questions and discuss those more in depth.
no one lives in complete isolation. that's like asking well what if i was stranded on the moon?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Mummyto2
Sorry didnt see your last bit Tomsteve, last time i quit drinking shame guilt etc sent me straight back to drink, being from a catholic family guilt was everywhere,
if an alcoholic lived on their own with no family and didnt hurt anyone apart from themselves
the no family thing isnt in reference to yourself then?
you havent caused harm to your husband or child with your drinking?
it seems that
"my hubby used to record me on the mobile and show me in the morning, "
would be a little showing some harm done.
and by harm- its not physical harm referred to.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
That is one of the beauties of recovery. I share my experience, strength, and hope. Another person shares their experience, strength, and hope. A third person gets something out of our exchange. The ripple effect. :~)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Mummy,
took me a while to get to step four, which is where i looked at what people refer to as " my part".
by the time i finished that step honestly and thoroughly, there was more on there than i had anticipated.
I indeed had harmed others, people, some organizations, and no matter how closeted my drinking had been, i did not live by myself on an island.
fear of having to make amends was one of the big stumbling blocks to doing the step work.
i had no real understanding of the freedom that would come from the amend-making process until after i did it.
took me a while to get to step four, which is where i looked at what people refer to as " my part".
by the time i finished that step honestly and thoroughly, there was more on there than i had anticipated.
I indeed had harmed others, people, some organizations, and no matter how closeted my drinking had been, i did not live by myself on an island.
fear of having to make amends was one of the big stumbling blocks to doing the step work.
i had no real understanding of the freedom that would come from the amend-making process until after i did it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
