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Blackout / falling down in my fancy building. Neighbors gossiping. Shame spiral.

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Blackout / falling down in my fancy building. Neighbors gossiping. Shame spiral.

Old 08-07-2017, 03:21 PM
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Blackout / falling down in my fancy building. Neighbors gossiping. Shame spiral.

I had two events in the past week or two in which I came home from the bars completely blackout falling down drunk. I can't remember how I got through my apartment door, but I do know that both times I smashed my phone and had a lot of bruises. Missed phone calls from Uber drivers, etc. To make matters worse, I live in a fancy building and overheard some neighbors down the hall gossiping with one of the staff members at how I was falling down drunk. I officially quit drinking almost 72 hours ago, but I overheard this about 20 minutes ago. I had no idea anyone saw me. My shame spiral is even worse now, and I don't even want to leave my apartment. I'm so embarrassed and my anxiety is bad enough.

I have made the decision to quit for good, and my best friend and roommate helped me through the awful withdrawal I had for the first day, but I am still a little jittery and foggy. My drinking ranged from 4 beers a day to a bottle of wine a day, to 6 beers a day, then these past two weeks were like 12 beers a day, which hit me like I've never been hit before.

So now that I am officially in the recovery period, how did you guys get over all those feelings guilt and shame? Especially if you have to actually see the people you embarassed yourself in front of. To me it's a sign of my addiction, to them it was just a good piece of interesting gossip that I was bouncing off the walls and falling down on the floor. Ugh.

Sorry for the rant, this is my first post. Hi all!
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:25 PM
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Know you've made a great choice to stop and stay stopped. Focus on staying stopped and try not to think. Things will calm down for you!
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:29 PM
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Good luck, why not give the neighbours some choclates apologize, then you will feel better and can concentrate on your sobrietry, just a thought
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:31 PM
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Meant to say if you confront it head on it does work, it has for me in the past, get it out the way so its not in my head running around, I bet they say thank you and that's the end of it good luck
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:31 PM
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Hi thedallskid

Believe it or not people will forget. I did what you did and worse - but noone remembers that guy now.

Get sober, stay that way and in time people will remember you simply as the fine decent person you are, not the falling down drunk

welcome aboard

D
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:33 PM
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I blacked out about 2 years ago while drunk. I woke up one road away from my house and had to get ankle fibula reduction fixation operation. Never found out how I ended up there but I did
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:35 PM
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Time heals almost everything. Get yourself sober and remain that way it that night will be a distant memory.
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Old 08-07-2017, 03:42 PM
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These are all great posts, thank you guys all so much for the quick replies. I really needed it.

And you know what's funny, on one of my bad nights, I drank the first 8 IPA's to work up the courage to ask this girl out who I thought liked me (met her out casually). God knows what she said, but it probably wasn't good. And then kept drinking the night away to kill the embarrassment of that.

The apartment thing was a bigger deal (affects my home life) and I am so glad that I came here instead of the liquor store.
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Old 08-07-2017, 04:20 PM
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"So now that I am officially in the recovery period, how did you guys get over all those feelings guilt and shame? Especially if you have to actually see the people you embarassed yourself in front of. "

for me, and there were years and years of blackout embarrassing drunks, it was getting the courage to go to AA and start working the program. it helped me to look at the underlying issues alcohol was just a symptom of, learn who i was, change who i was, make amends for my past( that doesnt mean saying im sorry), and be free from guilt,worry, and shame.
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Old 08-07-2017, 05:55 PM
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Get sober for good, and with the passage of time, you will be able to forgive yourself.
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Old 08-07-2017, 06:18 PM
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Hi thedallaskid - I'm so glad you joined us.

Yes, I've done it too. My shame, guilt, & remorse led me back to drinking because I couldn't face the fallout. Thankfully, you are taking a wiser approach - you've decided to stop and get free of it. Hold your head high and never allow anyone (including yourself) to see you in that condition again. People's memory of the incident will fade - the real you will shine through - life will be better than ever.

Be kind and patient with yourself - and post here - we really do care about you.
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Old 08-07-2017, 09:37 PM
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Most people don't care about what others are getting up to. If they judge you, who cares, let them judge. I used to care about what the people in the store I frequented thought after a spent years buying beer there from all hours of the day. I decided I don't care anymore, they don't mention it when I go in there and if they do think ill of me, even if they talk about me behind my back? Well, let them, nothing bad will occur if they do.
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Old 08-07-2017, 10:32 PM
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Even if this happened (and please believe me when I say I KNOW how you feel... I have absolutely been there... actually worse... I slapped my nextdoor neighbor in the FACE one night, blacked out (I was told I slapped him later on, while i was already ashamed and hungover like death itself) , I dont even KNOW him very well. Thats when I got myself here to sobberrecovery. I was nearly suicidal from shame. And I HAD to go apologize to him!).

Even if this happened, you are still a worthy being in this universe. Even this is absolutely forgivable.

Your struggles are a part of your journey on this earth plane, and every single human being on this planet has their shame, and their struggles.

You have every right to be a messy human being, and to heal from your mishaps.

Know this in your bones, and please hold your head high. You are addressing the problem right now <3

Many never do.

Get sober. Stay sober.

Just for today.

There will never be another horrible day like that one... if you stay sober.

One day at a time.
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Old 08-08-2017, 12:03 AM
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The people gossiping about you falling over are probably already gossiping about something else.

Be proud of what you're doing now and focus on that. Live in this moment, that's where life is happening. Not in the past.

I used to black out and fall over all over the place in front of all kinds of people. No one seems to remember that person anymore. And I haven't even been sober for a full year yet! Don't worry about what other people think. Get and stay sober for you. Having pride in yourself eradicates any past shame. Good luck!
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Old 08-08-2017, 06:30 AM
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Are your neighbors paying your rent? Probably not, so let them talk it will sizzle down. You did give them a good reason to gossip. Been there done that. The shame is good for you actually. Because we don't stop drinking until the pain of drinking outweighs the pleasure. And it is painful to have folks talking bad about you. So essentially they are helping. Make a plan, join class of August 2017 and stay close to this site. Like multiple times per day. Good Luck
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Old 08-08-2017, 08:01 AM
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Hey, welcome! People forget really quickly & although its a big deal for u, it wont b for the neighbours after a few days. Good luck
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Old 08-08-2017, 09:53 AM
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Been there, done that. The shame was really bad for a while - I was ashamed way before I quit drinking, and I drank to make the shame go away - of course that just led to more shame. I did a pretty good job of beating myself up for a while after I quit, and a couple of other people got their punches in, too. It was pretty bad. BUT - I knew I couldn't change the past. All I could do was stay sober, show myself and the world that the drunk me was not the real me, and keep on going. Now, over 2.5 years sober, I can hold my head high again. Most people forgot about my stupid behavior. And if they didn't forget, they know I don't do that stuff anymore and see me in a different light.

That's a long-winded way of saying - time heals. Stay sober, apologize to people if you actually hurt them while drinking, and start learning to forgive yourself. It's not going to happen overnight. But it will happen.
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Old 08-08-2017, 02:00 PM
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I know how you feel. It's agony.

It's hard to believe now but you'll get over it and -- as Mr. Bennet says in Pride and Prejudice concerning himself -- probably sooner than you should.

As for your neighbors, if you're going to get falling down drunk it's best to be with the rich or the poor -- so you're lucky as your building apparently has the former -- as it's the middle-class types who are more likely to be unforgiving and have long memories.

Hold your head high. Remind yourself that better people than you have been in the same boat...

And don't do it again!
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Old 08-08-2017, 02:21 PM
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It's absolutely true that you shouldn't worry about what they think. However, I know for me that it would be a huge motivator to stay sober to ensure they never saw me act that way again!
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Old 08-08-2017, 02:41 PM
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people can do some pretty epic spills stone cold sober too....and the gossips would gossip just as much. but people also have pretty short memories about OTHERS and your incident will soon and quickly be replaced by new stuff.

now, if you KEEP drinking and walls keep jumping out at you and stairs keep moving out from under your feet, you then do run the risk of becoming "that guy" in C12.....

stopping is the best thing you can do. you were drinking a lot, so do watch for any distressing withdrawal symptoms and do NOT hesitate to call for help. sober is a really good choice.
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