thomas11

Hopefully this will answer some questions that have been asked. Every so often (maybe twice a year) something triggers me and I get a crushing flood of emotions that puts me in a serious funk. In reality, its just a pity party of sorts. I usually do a pretty good job of keeping those emotions in their cage, but yesterday some things got me thinking and the wheels came off. Appreciate you all being here. I literally have no one to talk to about that stuff. My wife doesn't even know the extent of things. So you guys are it.

SoberLeigh

There is nothing wrong or shameful or unmanly about a really good cry, Jeff. Cries can be so very therapeutic. And, for me, over and DONE!!!!!!

dwtbd

"I'm not drinking (yet) and I am in a precarious position in my life right now."

Who is threatening who here?

It sounds like a bargain with the AV , that as long you are not in precarious position, which in life are hard to avoid, you are not willing to cede the upper hand, but if things go sideways all bets are off.
It sounds like you 'won' and kept the upper hand, but that bargain implies future repeated battles , struggles and admission to being willing to give the AV a chance, if circumstances 'warrant', that drinking is an option.

Experiencing uncomfortable emotions is practically unavoidable, defining that experience as a possible reason to drink is avoidable. That door can be slammed shut, No Matter What isn't just a guide line and anything less is leaving the door open to future 'battles', No Matter What heads off any future battle, keeps the AV in a permanent state of 'check'. IT will use your feelings as an excuse to suggest the old remedy of relief , booze, No Matter What doesn't stop IT from trying that tact, No Matter What just guarantees the outcome, cuts the attack off at its base.
If your bargain is that you will only not drink when' things' are tolerable , when things turn otherwise you are willing to let it be a fifty-fifty chance. That's a terrible gamble, the stakes are literally too high, you (like me )suck at drinking.

Meraviglioso

It is good to get it out Jeff, but also good to see you are moving forward.
I think we all have things we regret and would do differently if we could go back in time, but it is important to remember to keep looking ahead too. Don't forget the good things you have going for you and all the successes you have created.

thomas11

I should add this: I've carried this with me since my late twenties. At some point I should probably go see a psychologist and just lay it all out to him or her. Then with their training maybe they can enlighten me on what it is that I'm harboring or whatever.

teatreeoil007

Things from the past can haunt us, for sure. And you wonder why you just cannot seem to shake it loose. A *good* therapist I think can help a person explore it and resolve it; work through the issues; come up with ways to put it where it needs to be put. Some things we will never ever forget. Memories. It's just part of who we are and part of living life. But there are ways to deal with it as best as possible so they don't plague us as much. I have found writing to be very therapeutic.