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Leaning on SR right now.

Old 07-15-2017, 01:19 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Jeff,

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. I definitely reflect back on some of the choices I made throughout my life, and sometimes I cringe at the memories. However, each decision brought me to who I am today.

You have made great decisions the past two years. Try to think of some of the positives from the past two years, and focus on those. Try to get yourself to do something active to help you get out of your head.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:50 PM
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I hope you'll feel better soon, what you have already achieved is amazing!
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:56 PM
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Your heart is far from a lump of coal, dear Jeff - very far from that.

I've seen an abundance of goodness and kindness flow from that heart of years. You have supported many here in a way that simply wouldn't be possible with a heart of coal or stone.

Remember your recent sober years, the self-respect you have garnered, the respect you have garnered here, the obstacles you have overcome while sober. You have created a new past.

I, for one (and I suspect I am among many), are very proud of you.

Stay close and lean on us.
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:57 PM
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come on, man. Pull your head out of your past.
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Old 07-15-2017, 02:19 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
I'm not drinking, period, and I am in a precarious position in my life right now. [/I]
Look, Jeff, I fixed your statement.

Ruminate, regret, and feel bad all you want. You will get past this.

Just do not drink.

The rumination, regret and feeling bad will be a gazzilion times worse. You don't want to go there.

Rose

and keep posting!
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Old 07-15-2017, 03:09 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Yeah, so thank you all. I'm a pretty emotionless creature but I have my supporters. I guess its an acquired taste. As has been discussed here before, feelings and emotions tend to bubble up after a long time sober. I DO NOT like feeling my emotions like today. They are thoughts I'm trying to forget. I want form new thoughts, emotions and associations.

Its so weird, just yesterday I had a gym owner ask me if I would workout with him and teach him some things, and then he asked me if he could promote me to his members (I said of course). But then today I am a bumbling idiot.

ps, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a f'ed in life, so please don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself. But now that I have had some sober time and see how "normal" people interact with society I see how out of bounds my life was. Make sense?
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Old 07-15-2017, 03:35 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I think you might be feeling sorry for yourself just a bit Jeff

You're a good decent guy, with a loving wife, and a good reputation around town.

That alone is something a lot of people aspire to.

The fact that you pulled yourself out of that dangerous life is something to be proud of.

I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't started drinking - I might be prime minister here or I might have been hit by a bus - who knows.

As it is, I'm glad I went through all I did (yes, seriously)...because it bought me to this point in time....and all of it, good or bad, made me who I am today.

Regret is a natural human thing - but it can get a little self indulgent too.

Don't miss on your today and all it's joys and opportunities because you're facing the wrong way

Seize the day Jeff..seize the day

D
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Old 07-15-2017, 03:39 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think you might be feeling sorry for yourself just a bit Jeff

You're a good decent guy, with a loving wife, and a good reputation around town.

That alone is something a lot of people aspire to.

The fact that you pulled yourself out of that dangerous life is something to be proud of.

I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't started drinking - I might be prime minister here or I might have been hit by a bus - who knows.

As it is, I'm glad I went through all I did (yes, seriously)...because it bought me to this point in time....and all of it, good or bad, made me who I am today.

Regret is a natural human thing - but it can get a little self indulgent too.

Don't miss on your today and all it's joys and opportunities because you're facing the wrong way

Seize the day Jeff..seize the day

D
I don't doubt for a second that I'm feeling sorry for myself and that's what is going on. But I'm human. Along with my wife, friends, and SR I have a pretty good support system in place. I probably need to dwell on that rather than my ugly past.
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:13 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi Jeff - just to clarify - not slapping you around, & not speaking as some paragon of virtue.

I posted because I identify. I get self piteous at times too.

But guys like you and me, we can't stay in an emotional place where we're being consumed by feelings that have no easy resolution.

It wakes up the AV big time.

You've bought this up before, so you obviously feel badly about things you did in your past.

Short of going to your local police station and asking to be put in a cell, maybe there's some volunteer or community work you can do - a kind of living amends?

You deserve peace as much as anyone else here does

D
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:53 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Jeff - just to clarify - not slapping you around, & not speaking as some paragon of virtue.

I posted because I identify. I get self piteous at times too.

But guys like you and me, we can't stay in an emotional place where we're being consumed by feelings that have no easy resolution.

It wakes up the AV big time.

You've bought this up before, so you obviously feel badly about things you did in your past.

Short of going to your local police station and asking to be put in a cell, maybe there's some volunteer or community work you can do - a kind of living amends?

You deserve peace as much as anyone else here does

D
Dee, you don't ever have to clarify your thoughts with me, I know your heart is genuine. Rare trait nowadays.
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Old 07-15-2017, 05:22 PM
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As long as you're alive, you can continue to write your redemption story.
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Old 07-15-2017, 05:50 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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For what its worth, the first minute of this video is exactly how things happen. And I was one of the little scamps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5qXCzknxn8
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Old 07-15-2017, 05:52 PM
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whats keeping you in the maudlin nostalgic loop Jeff?

D
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by thomas11 View Post
For what its worth, the first minute of this video is exactly how things happen. And I was one of the little scamps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5qXCzknxn8
Try this one Jeff:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FPBi9N9hNc
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:21 PM
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:48 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by buk1000 View Post
LIstened to it today. Its got some merit. Thanks.
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
whats keeping you in the maudlin nostalgic loop Jeff?

D
I don't know what maudlin means Dee?
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Old 07-15-2017, 06:54 PM
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sorrowful, in the sense I was using it Jeff.

If you don't think you need to make amends, even in a volunteer sense like I suggested, or that making amends won't help, I hope you can break out of it and feel better soon

D
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:04 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Hey Jeff

Hope you're doing better this morning. Well, I hate those pesky feelings too. Manage most of the time not to have many....that's probably not good. Oh well, add it to the list.

Point is, you came here. You expressed yourself, quite well. You didn't run away and hide. To me, that is huge. The other day I was getting a new HVAC and couldn't leave the house. Couldn't do my normal, anxiety quelling amount of exercise. I was like a caged animal. So I started going through drawers in the kitchen, organizing. I found a few cards from my exbf. The only guy I've dated since my hub died. The relationship I nuked with my drinking. Now I've convinced myself (and not without merit) that this guy wasn't right for me, etc. And he wasn't. But I did love him, a lot. And the break up tore me apart. The cards brought up ALL the feelings of sadness, regret, shame, anger, heart break, fear, loneliness...well you name it. I felt it. It was raw and angry and it wouldn't let up. What did I do? I sat in it. I haven't wanted to drink that badly since, well, the last time I drank. I talked myself through it, but for every thought of 'you know how this will turn out', 'you'll end up in hell', I thought ' go to the liquor and get some booze'. It wasn't a craving per se, those pass and usually pretty fast. It was pure pain and it was rough. Did I talk to someone? Nope. Did I come here? Nope. So I'm envious. You came here, you talked about it, and hopefully you didn't drink.

After a couple of hours I felt better, as I always do. The next day I was SO relieved I didn't drink. Maybe someday I'll actually lean on someone or something else when these moments arise.

Thinking of you.
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:07 AM
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Is there anything currently ongoing in your life that reminds you of these old things and makes you doubt yourself, or it's just reminiscing randomly, due to a bad mood or something?

You are very certainly not an emotionless creature, you would not ponder these things if that was the case. I would be surprised if there was any of us who did not make bad life choices and destroyed good things in association with our past drinking, or just immaturity. For me, sometimes I like to dive into those dark memories for a while, analyze them again, try to relate them to who and where I am now, etc. I also often listen to music that brings them back vividly when in those moods. I don't see anything wrong with it if it lasts for a day and then you snap out of it, and if you don't act on the feelings in any way. The mere fact that these moods happen show clearly that you have deep feelings, care about things, recognize the wrongs etc.

Hope you wake to a better day today
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