GreenThumbRN

I'm so dissapointed in mysqelf. I didn't even try to stop myself. I didn't come here, didn't tell my husband. It's like I have no impulse control. Didn't even think twice. Now I feel guilty and ashamed and hating myself. I've been feeling really good and I wasn't even craving to drink, I just did it. I wish I had someone I could text with, another alcoholic that understands. I know if I went to a meeting I would meet some, but my anxiety has been keeping me homebound right now and I can't be out without having panic attacks. Here's to starting over for good this time. Then on top of that I was cleaning and when I'm drunk I feel like throwing everything away. Can't even remember what I trashed last night but the garbage came so there's that. I say and do dumb things when drinking. Why can't I stop!

Bobbieka

You can. Get a plan together. That you follow everyday. Takes away the impulsive behavior. You can do it. You're here. That's the biggest step right there.

skipper63

I know exactly how you feel. I had a good 32 days dry. I don't remember any thought process at all, just "let's drink!" That lasted another month.

I am still angry and ashamed... but I am getting back on that horse. Day 2 for me again.

As a friend said to me, "be kind to yourself." You can do this. So can I.

Anna

You can stop, but you need to take action. You could put in place a specific plan for the next time you want to drink. List actions that you will take such as coming here to SR, and stick with it. You can do this!

mayeve

Hugs! I've been there! So many times. I don't have much advice since I'm new to recovery but just know that you're not alone!

CreativeThinker

GreenThumbRN,

Sorry you slipped. It's good that you came back here and you were honest. Keep trying, get a plan and do not give up! Try to think of how you have changed your lifestyle since you stopped drinking. Just taking alcohol out of the equation is not going to be successful.

Hang in there and keep going...

BrendaChenowyth

Just don't make it twice.. Now that you've done it, it's that much easier to qualify doing it again. It creeps back up and suddenly it's every night.

Be very diligent.

Dee74

Learning to reach out instead, to make that different choice is hard - but every time you do it, it will get easier

A recovery plan can really help

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

welcome back

D

SimplyFree

I see from your name you like plants, I too enjoy plants and would be glad to talk plants anytime.....especially if you are struggling. The first week or two are the hardest, after the first 30 days you feel better, but far from strong, I'm on day 82 and I still come here at least twice a day. More if my internal swirl is intense.

Hevyn

I'm sorry for the pain this has caused you, GreenThumb. I did it a few times when I first tried to quit - but I finally got free - and you will too. (I'm heading towards 10 yrs. sober after drinking all my life.) I'm glad you posted about what happened.

Mattq2

Yes just do t give up. Think about what went wrong and start again. I did it a bunch of times before I figured it all out.

PhoenixJ

When I was d/c from hospital 22 months ago..I was a wreck. Anxiety only increased my isolation. Get to a meeting, they will help. Just do it, post here before and after.
Empathy and support offered.

Fly N Buy

Some friends seem to get on the right track through will power. This did not work for me and after years of trying and failing I read this; "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
Pg 24

I really didn't think I could get sober - I needed help. There is a solution for those of us in the above category is my experience.

Dee74

How are you going today GreenThumbRN?

D

Hevyn

We're thinking of you, GreenThumbRN.

january161992

hi GreenThumbRN

let us know how youre doing sober or not

we care

GreenThumbRN

Thanks everyone for checking on me. I'm on day 6. Haven't drank. I've been lurking, just trying to keep busy. I'm craving right now but trying to stay strong and think of how awful I would feel tomorrow. The guilt etc.

Dee74

Congrats on day 6

D

llk555

One thing I learned in CBT is to accept it and move on should I drink again. Don't get stuck in it. Get up and move on staying sober again.

Berrybean

Great work on day 6! Well done you for getting back to sobriety.
Please keep posting. I find that, as reaching out was something I never did before recovery, it's important that I keep those lines of communication open and contact folk (both in here and in AA) regularly and even when I don't need to. That way when I actually NEED to it isn't so difficult and unnatural.

Regarding getting to meetings and anxiety, you know, I don't think anyone ever turned up to their first meeting in any other state than high-anxiety. No one would judge you there, for being anxious (and all the stuff we do as a result of anxiety) or anything else. The experience strength and hope I found in meetings was very healing to me in early days (before I had any experience strength or hope of my own to get me through).

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB