nileruns

I made it to day five. The first few days were traumatic, but I'm actually feeling pretty normal now. I'm still not sleeping very well (not sleep at all, really), but despite that I feel physically better and less tired than I had before I quit drinking. I've also learned that I don't actually hate my job. I just hated having to come to work with a hangover every single day, so I lived for the weekends when I could get drunk without worrying about making it to work the next day. My job performance has skyrocketed this week and my overall happiness in life corresponds.

Tonight is going to be a huge challenge for me, and it's what I fear the most in this process: a Friday night with no responsibilities. This was always my favorite kind of night to get more drunk than usual. On weeknights I always had to have a justification to get drunk. Either it was a stressful day at work and I needed to get drunk to unwind, or it was an especially great day at work and I needed to get drunk to celebrate. But for Friday and Saturday I didn't need an excuse - the entire purpose of Friday and Saturday was to get drunk!

So far I've only had to weather weekday cravings and though I felt desire I was easily able to talk myself out of it. The next two days are going to be my first real test of sobriety.

Wish me well, everyone. I'm enjoying my life way too much screw this up now.

SunnyDenver

Day 6 here, congrats on Day 5! How about planning something now for your evenings? First off, you can be responsible to yourself and your sobriety. Second, maybe plan to go to a meeting and commit to helping the others there stay sober? I know for me, loneliness and boredom are a dangerous combo that I need to plan ahead to confront and avoid this time around.

Berrybean

Of course you can weather the weekend. If you really want to! The more important question is HOW can you weather the weekend. If you decide to white-knuckle it the best case scenario will be that you get through it but it's likely to be in poor spirits and not a great quality sobriety, and the worst case scenario being that you drink and lose momentum on the whole sobriety thing. But, if you decide to make a plan and take action on those things in your plan...well, that could be a much better outcome,

Weekends were a real challenge for me in early sobriety and it was easy to get into a big old vat of self pity. Never good for an alcoholic (poor me, poor me, pour me a drink!)

I'd suggest making some plans - include lots of gentle fun thing as well as any urgent chores (for me, top of the list needed to be grocery shopping for delicious but healthyish food, making sure at least one room can feel like a bit of a sanctuary, and some self-care - bubble baths or shower with some nice new products if I could afford to treat myself, even hair cut or manicure). I needed to focus a little on self-care as my thoughts were still very negative and self-damning.

Once I'd bitten the bullet and gone along to some AA meetings that gave me a way to add some structure, support and social interaction (plus a reason for getting out of my pit). It's worth checking out the times and venues now while you're calm and coping , even if you can't imagine needing them. But the time we realise we need a meeting we can't always think that clearly and rationally to look the details up and battle with google-maps with washing-machine head.

It's worth considering things that adjust your focus for inward looking or problem focused looking to outward looking or solution focussed . For example, helping others, or writing in a gratitude journel. Do you know of any community events where they have been asking for volunteers? The great and beautiful outdoors can also be pretty good at right-sizing us. Once we minimise self, our problems naturally follow.

I'm really pleased you're feeling great just now, but I'd be surprised if the weekend ahead doesn't pose some challenges for you, even if only emotional ones and skewed perspective due to AV and self-will running riot.

Stay close to the folk on here. They helped me massively,

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB

tomsteve

"a Friday night with no responsibilities"
thats actually not true.
you have the responsibility of your sobriety.
you have the responsibility of whether a drink gets into your hands and into your body or not.
you have the responsibility of allowing an excuse to drink control your actions or not.

"the entire purpose of Friday and Saturday was to get drunk!"
thats still an excuse

Volshen

You don't want to start Monday off feeling hungover and defeated. You want to wake up clear headed and proud of yourself.

The desire to drink might make you feel uncomfortable but I'd rather experience that for however long it lasts than the regret / hopelessness / and self hatred I would feel the next day if I gave in.

Drinking is a bad deal. Hour or so of pleasure if you are lucky in exchange for long term pain. If anyone came up to you and offered that deal you'd laugh.

nileruns

Thanks everyone. I have plans to keep me occupied, so I should be fine. If I fail, I'll certainly come back here with my tail between my legs, but I don't believe that will be the outcome.

My motivation to remain sober at this point is mainly because my life has already significantly improved since I quit drinking.

Feel free to keep kicking me in the pants. I need to hear these things, and I appreciate your efforts to keep me on the right path.

nileruns

It's difficult for me to grasp how my brain works. I was thinking about my non-drinking plans for this evening and before I knew it my mind was unconsciously trying to convince myself that maybe it's okay to drink "just tonight" because it's a weekend.

No worries, I'm not going to drink. To do so would require me to drive somewhere and buy booze and that's a conscious act I'd have to perform. I refuse to do that. It's just odd that I feel like my own mind is betraying me. Is this what addiction does to a person's mind?!?

nileruns

Seconds after I posted my last post my wife texted me. She wants to sit by the pool and drink tonight. I responded and said I can't. Must. Stay. Strong.

Nonsensical

Yes. Realizing my own brain was betraying me was by far the most difficult concept I had to deal with on my road to recovery.

My brain would create a disturbing level of urgency to drink. It felt like I would never be able to be happy if I didn't drink. It would feel like I was going to go crazy if I couldn't get a drink.

The absolute worst thing that ever happened to me because I didn't drink was that I continued to feel like I wanted to drink.

Laughably sufferable.

Good Luck this Weekend! Don't believe everything you think!

saoutchik

Congratulations on day 5 nileruns.

Planning non drinky activities really does pay dividends at the weekends. For most of us it is the time we are most vulnerable because at the weekend we are no different fom other people - normies - who also make this their drinking time.

thomas11

You made it 5 days, the worst of the physical withdrawals should be in the rear view mirror. Hope you can stay strong or as you know, it will be right back to feeling horrible. You can do it. Rooting for ya.

CreativeThinker

Hi Nile- Sending you strength to move through the weekend without picking up. The first few weekends are the hardest. The more times you resist, the easier it gets.

Does your wife not know that you have stopped drinking?

nileruns

She does. We quit together 5 days ago.

nileruns

I'm home and I think it's going to work out okay for me. I'm going to hang out at the pool with my wife. She's going to drink beer and I'm going to drink Diet Coke. Granted, I may end up drinking 27 Diet Cokes before the night is over, but aspartame isn't as bad for me as alcohol...

nileruns

On this note, I had an entertaining thought process taking place. Now, let me preface this with that fact that I have been a binge drinker for at least 25 years now, maybe a few longer than that. For the past 5 years I don't believe I've been sober more than a dozen entire days total. Given this, in my brain during my drive home I had these thoughts:

"Having a few beers tonight isn't really a big deal. It's Friday. Who doesn't drink on a Friday?!? I'm not even really an alcoholic. I feel like a fake even being on a recovery forum because I don't need to be in recovery".

No kidding. Almost verbatim, that was my thought process. No worries. I'm very strong in my convictions. I'm sitting here with a Diet Coke and laughing at the absurdity of my own thoughts.

tomsteve

ummm, binge drinking, only having a dozen entire days sober total in 5 years .

reads like rationalizing.

Berrybean

Aha. Let me introduce you to your AV!!! And if you though that was madness, you wait to hear some of the other lies it's got lined up for you.

In early days I used to wonder, well how do I know whether it's my AV or my rational thoughts. I spent a long time trying to suss that out until someone pointed out the obvious to me... If it's suggesting a drink I the answer, would improve things, or doesn't matter, then its your AV.
Seemed a lot easier then. Lol.

BB

Dee74

There are some great ideas here - maybe add some to your keeping busy plans nileruns?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

nileruns

I DID IT!!!!!!

I drank 3 Diet Cokes, a Sprite, a couple glasses of lemonade and water. I sat by the pool and enjoyed the beautiful weather, then did some yard work, then came inside and listened to music until I went to bed. I did it all sober and best of all is that I'm typing this on a Saturday morning without a hangover! I mentioned previously that I used to feel like I didn't get hangovers during the week, but on weekends my alcohol intake used to go through the roof. I can't remember ever waking up on a Saturday without a blistering hangover, so this is a very momentous day for me.

The most interesting thing about my day yesterday was that I was craving getting drunk all day at work. I spent the entire drive home rationalizing and justifying getting drunk. But when I got home, instead of grabbing a beer and getting my night started, I had a Diet Coke instead and I was okay. Even when I was watching my wife drink the entire night, I had no cravings. I actually felt relieved that I wasn't getting drunk.

Hello day six!!! I feel great and I'm motivated to get some work done around the house instead of laying in bed nursing a hangover!! I never knew how much I was missing in my life before and I'm extremely grateful that I found this online haven.

Thank you everyone for talking me through this first week. It has made all the difference.

Dee74

I remember that feeling
great stuff nilesruns

D