One week of sobriety today.
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
One week of sobriety today.
This time last week I was hungover, scared, ashamed and WANTED OUT OUT OUT of my horrible many years long prison.
SOMEBODY! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
I AM DYING!
Shaky, bruised (big black and blue shiner on my knee from God knows what the night before... so tender even the down comforter was painful against it) and... I was in that place of No Possible Way To Be Comfortable, no different position to lay down in, because.... the discomfort was in my very SOUL.
My spirit was so deeply hurt. My inner child was being completely neglected and left without good and present parenting.
Exactly as it was in my actual childhood. Deep neglect by a mother lost in her delusions and self medicating with alcohol... spinning wildly and terrifyingly out of control.
I have felt that wound over and over every single morning of being hungover. Thats a lot of my life reliving a past trauma... and adding more to it, i might add.
But ... I DON'T EVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
Thats an incredible truth. May I never forget how golden that truth really is.
DAY 7!
(Ariesagain, I wont clean the fridge today, I can't STAND that particular job, and its actually not too dirty at the moment. You do the fridge and I will do the dishes and hang up my clothes. PINKY SWEAR)
SOMEBODY! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
I AM DYING!
Shaky, bruised (big black and blue shiner on my knee from God knows what the night before... so tender even the down comforter was painful against it) and... I was in that place of No Possible Way To Be Comfortable, no different position to lay down in, because.... the discomfort was in my very SOUL.
My spirit was so deeply hurt. My inner child was being completely neglected and left without good and present parenting.
Exactly as it was in my actual childhood. Deep neglect by a mother lost in her delusions and self medicating with alcohol... spinning wildly and terrifyingly out of control.
I have felt that wound over and over every single morning of being hungover. Thats a lot of my life reliving a past trauma... and adding more to it, i might add.
But ... I DON'T EVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
Thats an incredible truth. May I never forget how golden that truth really is.
DAY 7!
(Ariesagain, I wont clean the fridge today, I can't STAND that particular job, and its actually not too dirty at the moment. You do the fridge and I will do the dishes and hang up my clothes. PINKY SWEAR)
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
I started today to clean, and am in the midst of it now. Its going very well. Started with hanging clothes and now its actually sorting through the things I will be getting rid of. Dishes are soaking in hot water and soap now.
I will tell you what... Yesterday and the early part of today were VERY tough going for me.
I really had to PUSH like the dickens through some sticky and persistent depression.
I am not used to DEALING with my emotions like that anymore, so every part of me wanted to just lay down and watch the Walking Dead all day.
But ... Something about this path of sobriety is giving me a determination I haven't seen in myself in years.
What can I say? Super Grateful.! (that should be a new superhero's name)
I will tell you what... Yesterday and the early part of today were VERY tough going for me.
I really had to PUSH like the dickens through some sticky and persistent depression.
I am not used to DEALING with my emotions like that anymore, so every part of me wanted to just lay down and watch the Walking Dead all day.
But ... Something about this path of sobriety is giving me a determination I haven't seen in myself in years.
What can I say? Super Grateful.! (that should be a new superhero's name)
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by herculana 
This time last week I was hungover, scared, ashamed and WANTED OUT OUT OUT of my horrible many years long prison.
SOMEBODY! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
I AM DYING!
Shaky, bruised (big black and blue shiner on my knee from God knows what the night before... so tender even the down comforter was painful against it) and... I was in that place of No Possible Way To Be Comfortable, no different position to lay down in, because.... the discomfort was in my very SOUL.
My spirit was so deeply hurt. My inner child was being completely neglected and left without good and present parenting.
Exactly as it was in my actual childhood. Deep neglect by a mother lost in her delusions and self medicating with alcohol... spinning wildly and terrifyingly out of control.
I have felt that wound over and over every single morning of being hungover. Thats a lot of my life reliving a past trauma... and adding more to it, i might add.
But ... I DON'T EVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
Thats an incredible truth. May I never forget how golden that truth really is.
DAY 7!
(Ariesagain, I wont clean the fridge today, I can't STAND that particular job, and its actually not too dirty at the moment. You do the fridge and I will do the dishes and hang up my clothes. PINKY SWEAR)
SOMEBODY! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
I AM DYING!
Shaky, bruised (big black and blue shiner on my knee from God knows what the night before... so tender even the down comforter was painful against it) and... I was in that place of No Possible Way To Be Comfortable, no different position to lay down in, because.... the discomfort was in my very SOUL.
My spirit was so deeply hurt. My inner child was being completely neglected and left without good and present parenting.
Exactly as it was in my actual childhood. Deep neglect by a mother lost in her delusions and self medicating with alcohol... spinning wildly and terrifyingly out of control.
I have felt that wound over and over every single morning of being hungover. Thats a lot of my life reliving a past trauma... and adding more to it, i might add.
But ... I DON'T EVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
Thats an incredible truth. May I never forget how golden that truth really is.
DAY 7!
(Ariesagain, I wont clean the fridge today, I can't STAND that particular job, and its actually not too dirty at the moment. You do the fridge and I will do the dishes and hang up my clothes. PINKY SWEAR)
You rock Sisterfriend! 😎
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Way to go, Herculana! You've accomplished so much.. keep it up! Not only have you helped yourself, but helped others. (Don't know if you saw my reply on your other post.. You have made a big difference for me already!) Hang in there! You've turned a corner!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
One week is amazing!! As is all the cleaning and sorting. As is pushing through the depression. Well done Herculana 
I'm so glad you're having such a productive day and dealing with your emotions but I have to say... my husband and I binged watched 3 episodes of the Walking Dead the other night and we loved it!! I reckon I could watch it for a whole day no probs
Keep going Herculana, you're doing awesome xx
I'm so glad you're having such a productive day and dealing with your emotions but I have to say... my husband and I binged watched 3 episodes of the Walking Dead the other night and we loved it!! I reckon I could watch it for a whole day no probs
Keep going Herculana, you're doing awesome xx
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