I need to stop
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
I need to stop
I hate alcohol and I hate the day I first ever tasted it. I am 43 and I have been trying to quit the drink for the last 15 years. I go round in circles of the I will give up, I will control, I will get "normal" whatever that is. I am so full of hatred and anger for myself and the fact that I am so weak that I cannot stop the drinking. I have so much to live for and am starting to think I don't deserve any of it because I have this other shameful life with alcohol. I literally feel that I am slowly killing myself. I lost my dad 2 years ago. I watched him drink himself to death and I tried so hard to get him better and now here I am doing exactly the same thing. Why couldn't my brain see how my dad was and put me off alcohol forever. Madness that I watched my dad which was horrendous and I still put the poison in myself. Feel such shame. I hate myself I feel so depressed and stuck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Amanda, I'm glad you are here! You will feel no lots of other people here who can relate to you. This is a great place to learn about and succeed st sobriety. Welcome! Sobriety is possible and your best days are ahead of you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
You are soooo welcome here!!! Everyone here was so much like you. I am sober longer than any other time in my life largely because of SR! I start every morning checking in at the 24 hour thread. Good way to start the day telling myself who I am and reminding me that I can't drink. One day at a time! Keep posting and reading, there are a lot of wonderful people here that are more than happy to help! We all do this together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by SimplyFree 
Amanda, I'm glad you are here! You will feel no lots of other people here who can relate to you. This is a great place to learn about and succeed st sobriety. Welcome! Sobriety is possible and your best days are ahead of you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by tomls
You are soooo welcome here!!! Everyone here was so much like you. I am sober longer than any other time in my life largely because of SR! I start every morning checking in at the 24 hour thread. Good way to start the day telling myself who I am and reminding me that I can't drink. One day at a time! Keep posting and reading, there are a lot of wonderful people here that are more than happy to help! We all do this together.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome Amanda. Glad you are here.
Lots of us can relate to your feelings, and also have had some similar kind of family experience.
IMO - we are not weak, we are sick. As an alcoholic, I simply cannot control my drinking once I start. I've found AA to be my solution; others use different methods.
SR is a great resource- I promise you can stop drinking - you really can. I hope to see you around.
Lots of us can relate to your feelings, and also have had some similar kind of family experience.
IMO - we are not weak, we are sick. As an alcoholic, I simply cannot control my drinking once I start. I've found AA to be my solution; others use different methods.
SR is a great resource- I promise you can stop drinking - you really can. I hope to see you around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Seymour, CT
Posts: 132
I wish I knew more to say that could help... I'm glad you took the time to come here and write. If anything, no matter what you're feeling, take time out of each day to come here and talk to us. We're here <3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome! You have come to the right place.
Despite the way I felt, the lack of control, the hangovers, the money spent etc. I still drank. There was something in me that refused to give up on the ideas that I could control what I was doing. It had to get bad enough for me in order to say "No More". Ive been down this road more times than I can honestly count.
The first week or two seems like a struggle, like maybe its too hard to continue. Its not though. You can get off the train and enjoy your life. You can have a different outcome than your father. Let that be the motivator. No one wants to die from alcoholism and if you are fearing this, it is best to throw in the towel and walk in a different direction.
Shame will keep you down. Feeling awful about yourself will keep you down. Empower yourself. You can stop drinking and have a life that is healthy and wholesome. You can do this.
Despite the way I felt, the lack of control, the hangovers, the money spent etc. I still drank. There was something in me that refused to give up on the ideas that I could control what I was doing. It had to get bad enough for me in order to say "No More". Ive been down this road more times than I can honestly count.
The first week or two seems like a struggle, like maybe its too hard to continue. Its not though. You can get off the train and enjoy your life. You can have a different outcome than your father. Let that be the motivator. No one wants to die from alcoholism and if you are fearing this, it is best to throw in the towel and walk in a different direction.
Shame will keep you down. Feeling awful about yourself will keep you down. Empower yourself. You can stop drinking and have a life that is healthy and wholesome. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by Amanda05
I hate alcohol and I hate the day I first ever tasted it. I am 43 and I have been trying to quit the drink for the last 15 years. I go round in circles of the I will give up, I will control, I will get "normal" whatever that is. I am so full of hatred and anger for myself and the fact that I am so weak that I cannot stop the drinking. I have so much to live for and am starting to think I don't deserve any of it because I have this other shameful life with alcohol. I literally feel that I am slowly killing myself. I lost my dad 2 years ago. I watched him drink himself to death and I tried so hard to get him better and now here I am doing exactly the same thing. Why couldn't my brain see how my dad was and put me off alcohol forever. Madness that I watched my dad which was horrendous and I still put the poison in myself. Feel such shame. I hate myself I feel so depressed and stuck.
You can choose to feel your feelings, think your thoughts and not pick up that first drink. The one that gets you drunk and starts the whole ugly, negative cycle all over again. It's okay to cry, to be sad, to feel pain. It's okay to be human. Its okay to be uncomfortable. It's not okay to use alcohol for temporary relief for the alcoholic. It's abusive, numbing, escaping ways are very short lived. The aftermath is like a erupting volcano. Which you are aware of.
You can stop hating yourself, feeling overwhelming shame, guilt and regrets. Choose one of two paths. We have the power to make healthy choices. We can choose the right path. The healthier and more positive one.
It helped me to spend time in therapy. I learned and believed I'm a good person. Learned I can't make others better unless they choose it for them selves. I have value. I'm important. Practice self care, self compassion. Choose love...
I'm very sorry for the loss of your Dad. ((Hug)) Losing a loved one, often leaves an empty, deep hole inside. Filled with tears, sadness, regrets and pain. Time will help. Hopefully, one day you'll be able to celebrate parts of his life. Remembering positive times you shared together.
My normal is: Honour your mind, body and spirit. Stop the madness, the self abusive cycle of poisoning self. Normal is not getting drunk. Getting drunk isn't living.
Many of us have had too many day ones to count. Take a leap of faith. Believe in yourself. You deserve this. You can do this. I believe in you. You can get your life back.
Your too beautiful and valuable to keep allowing alcohol to destroy you. If you've survived addiction, you can survive anything. Make this your last quit. The one that sticks. Protect your quit!... You'll never regret it!....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Hi Amanda - I'm so happy you joined us. SR is a great place for friendship & encouragement. Everyone understands how you're feeling. Things are going to get so much better - you'll have a whole new life. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Welcome. Same deal with my bro- as your dad. Also my dad (tho much longer in time) and nearly me. Why? Lots of rational answers- no fits, just is. I accept that- move on, to now. I need to plan not drinking every day with support- meetings, prof, support, working hard when not wanting to- mindful breathing, journal, exercise, HALTS, routine, every day chores, going the extra mile and posting here. I do not wish for luck or 'hope' my will power works with out help. Lots of info in the sticky's on planning, cravings- lots. Join a thread- monthly class, whiners, 24 etc.
Support to you. It works, with effort and time,
Support to you. It works, with effort and time,
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hi Amanda.
Similar experiences.
Going on 41. Alcohol runs in the family.
Then one day I accepted no matter how bad I wanted a drink the drink wanted me more... Its no free ride, everyday is not easy but its worth it. I see a doctor once a month and take some meds morning and evening. Do what it takes.
Vinny.
Similar experiences.
Going on 41. Alcohol runs in the family.
Then one day I accepted no matter how bad I wanted a drink the drink wanted me more... Its no free ride, everyday is not easy but its worth it. I see a doctor once a month and take some meds morning and evening. Do what it takes.
Vinny.
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