VigilanceNow

I think we all need reinforcements if we are serious about recovery it's no easy task, and I know for me I was so scared I couldn't think straight. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength!! Keep posting, it helps everyone to read your experience

PhoenixJ

Agree!

Hevyn

Wildflower - I'm glad you told us what's going on. Most of us have done the same thing - I sure did. I kept trying, & now am heading towards 10 yrs. sober. So it can definitely be done - even for those who have a difficult time staying quit in the beginning. I hope you feel better for having posted - we all care & want to help you get back on track.

LadyBlue0527

wildflower, sending you the best virtual hug I can.

You are here. You want this. I know you're down on yourself right now but many don't make it as far as you did and post. That was huge and I'm glad you did!

A plan is essential, have you taken a look at the links?

Delilah1

Hi Wildflower,

I'm sorry you are struggling. There is lots of great advice above, and I know you can do this.

Have you talked to your doctor? Have you considered inpatient treatment, or even intense outpatient?

I struggled for a while to get sober, but I'd finally had enough and committed to remaining sober. This site has been my biggest support, I spent lots of time on here in the beginning. I also made plans for the times I would normally drink. I went to the gym, I went for long walks, spent time doing things with my kids, read recovery books, and books for fun.

Start by logging in here the second the thought of drinking pops into your head.

You can do this!

❤️Delilah

Grymt

Sometimes it helps to id the real problem. What I mean is : of course you can stop. You've proven that. More precisely it's hard to stay stopped. Why? The sensations (or feelings) that rise up are unpleasant and you know from habit that drinking makes them go away.

Except they don't. They don't go away. They are pushed into the sub conscious. (then, paradoxically you follow them by boozing. A strange thing that alkies do.) When they are pushed into the sub conscious they don't just hang about, they multiply and it gets harder to cope.

The only way to stop this ridiculous looping is to stop creating the loop. In other words, stop drinking. Which means to face the consequences of not drinking.

This may mean taking medication for some time. It means changing diets. Exercising. Learning meditation. Communicating . . . There are no reasons that a willing person cannot do this and more. I'm sure you can.

wildflower70

I am so afraid of the detox that is coming.....I have been drinking for 7 days....all day. every day.

Please God help me.

Soberwolf

Don't worry we will be right here x

PhoenixJ

Be careful with detox. It is coming? Make sure you follow the guidance of a doctor. I had seizures and was transported by amb-ce. Look after you.

Verdantia

I am so sorry you are suffering, wildflower. You have come to the right place for advice and understanding. Please get medical help for withdrawals-the doctor can give you medications to help make you more comfortable. I had seizures but was in a detox facility so help was immediate. I thought I was hopeless and beyond help but now I have 18 months of sobriety. You have the strength to beat this monster. Wishing you the best.

Redcx

Wildflower-- Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. You don't need to ask for forgiveness; we've all been where you are. I give you a lot of credit for coming on here and posting. That shows you want this. You're not alone.

That being said, please seek medical attention for your detox. My grandpa died from DTs.

We are all right here rooting for you! You can get past this. I hope you are doing well. Sending strength and love your way!

Dee74

I know it's territory but the longer you drink the harder the detox is likely to be on you

Can you see a Doctor - professional advice & help is the safest way to detox.

D

least

Please, see your doctor or go to the ER to get medical help in getting safely thru detox.

wildflower70

Thank you all for the support and kind words. I am almost done with my hundredth "day 1", and thank goodness the idea of detoxing was much worse than the reality of it. I feel OK physically, just a little tired. But I'm sober, and thankful for that.

What I don't get is how I can go for so long (weeks or months) enjoying a sober life, then out of the blue I say "I'm going to get a bottle of wine". This quickly turns into daily drinking, then a hard binder, followed by more mistakes and regrets.

Why do I go back to the bottle, when I am clearly much happier being sober?

wildflower70

I seem to enjoy this rock bottom place.....I stayed sober for 5 days. Then went to lunch with a friend and sat right at the bar. I stared at those pretty little bottles for two hours, I could almost taste the elixir going down my throat. On my way home I stopped and bought a bottle. The whole time, I kept telling myself...don't do it....don't do it.
I did it...

Please don't judge me....I need some help and better tools to stop.
Thanks for being here.

Sammy1980

No body is judging you! I think we have all been there.

wildflower70

Thanks Sammy,

I need to say something....I need to tell someone...

Last weekend on my binder, I was assaulted. I told him "no", I was messed up. I am covered in bruises, and so ashamed.

I just needed to finally tell someone...thank you for being here.

2ndhandrose

Hi wildflower

What happened to you was not your fault and I really think you need to talk to someone about it.

Can you look up a crisis centre or hotline phone number?

wildflower70

Hello 2ndhandrose,

Thank you for responding. I am afraid to tell someone else because I was messed up. I know that I will be the one at fault for being drunk.....it's always the "drunk's fault".

columbus

"I'm not capable of stopping"

Sorry to disagree, but in fact you are.

Just
simply
stop
buying
pouring
drinking
alcohol

In many ways it's not a doing but a not-doing.

There are many things we think we can't do.

But we can always not-do.

Just don't do that and it will be done.