BrendaChenowyth

It was easy to quit when I was sick of doing it and no longer enjoyed it at all. I enjoy it a lot. Not really sure where I go from here.

FreedomCA

The longer you stay away from something you enjoy the easier it gets.

BrendaChenowyth

I can't get more than day or two away from it. The whole thinking long term rewards thing, not happening.

The last time I did, I got six months and I relapsed, so I have found that it didn't get better with time.

Soberwolf

Hi Brenda, For me I realised drinking wasn't an option no more I didn't enjoy it I was addicted to it there is no romance with alcoholism that's AV doing what it does best

You went from 'no longer enjoying it at all' to 'enjoying it a lot'

That's flawed thinking and again that is AV

If your enjoying it so much how has it come to you posting about it today on a recovery forum ?

My advice is realise you don't enjoy it at all, I used to say that all the time I even made sure to never hide alcohol because I wasn't alcoholic and other such flawed thinking like that

Someone said it recently and it was you know the only people who talk & think this much about alcohol ? (Insert label here)

Brenda your AV is running circles round your rational thinking here

Find your acceptance or keep enjoying drinking your choice my friend

D122y

Bren,

I get it.

I used to laugh at the non drinkers. I used to jokingly say....sobriety is for people who can't handle their liquor....

Turns out the joke was on me.

I would have never quit if not for all the mental and physical issues i was having.

Until you have a good reason to quit....it is that much harder.

Until a drunk gets sick of being a drunk degenerate, incarcerated, is going insane or whatever....it is harder to get on a sober lifestyle path.

With the education SR offers, the mental burden becomes worse.

I remember waking up and looking into my eyes in the mirror and feeling like such a waste. I felt like a loser and a failure. I knew i would drink again....it was a horrible cycle.

The addiction is a beast unlike anything. The horror eventually turned to discomfort.

Eat when you crave. Fill up. Eat sweets. It tricks the brain. It takes a long long time to get through the mental rewire.

Reading and posting here helps.

Thanks.

MIRecovery

I loved drinking and likely always will. It was the consequences of drinking that caused me to quit. I could see I was giving away everything I loved and cherished. My family was disgusted with, my career was slipping, I felt like crap unless I was drunk, my memory was shot, the anxiety was through the roof, the constant lies, shame and guilt could only becalmed with a lot of alcohol. I just got so tired of alcohol dictating what I did, where I could go, and who I could see. My life had sunk to three states. Being drunk, recovering from being drunk or planning my next drunk.

I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I like to drink but I'm an alcoholic and unfortunately when I drink very bad things happen so I choose not to drink. Today a few 24 hrs down I have discovered a whole new world that is a million times better and all without a drop of alcohol.

HTown

I enjoyed drinking too, but alcohol stopped being fun. It became a drudge and I did not like the person I was becomming. I think people here talk about plans and support because once we feel better we start to remember the enjoyable times, not the bad ones. That is human nature, to lessen the bad things.

Alcohol is a dead-end street. For me, I cannot moderate. So a few beers today to enjoy becomes beer every night after work.

Then, waking at 2 am with racing heart. Then showing up for work at 7 a.m. hung over. Lots of advil on board, eating crap food to get my hangover under control. Make it through work, Then stopping at the store and buying another 6 pack then driving to the store drunk to buy another 6 pack and drinking 2 more of those beers till I pass out.

I do not want to live like that anymore. The enjoyment of a beer is far outweighed by the reality of the cycle I fall into.

I just keep plaing the tape. writing a gratitude list, and posting and reading.

If nothing else, alcohol destroys your health. There is a much better way to live. good luck brenda

CreativeThinker

I once had 11 months of sobriety and felt just like you do. Why stop doing something that I really enjoyed? I went back and continued to drink for another decade. More hardships, depression, embarrassment, loss of self respect, hopelessness followed. Was I really "enjoying" it? Oh yeah, I enjoyed the first few drinks...that's about it.

I would suggest sitting down and making a list of what you enjoy about drinking and what you enjoy about being sober. That's what I did and sobriety won.

Hang in there and never give up!

MarkTwain

I guess it would depend on whether or not you enjoy the results. Do you enjoy the results a lot?

thomas11

That's a good question and I don't know that I have the answer. I will say that there are consequences to drinking and when I began to suffer severe consequences it took much of the joy out of it. I also wanted to respect myself again, something that I hadn't done for a long time.

Forward12

I don't enjoy withdrawals, massive panic and anxiety, shame, regret, destruction to my life, health, insomnia, sweats, shakes, paranoia i'm dying of liver failure, etc,..

saoutchik

Deep down I don't think you are enjoying it BrendaChenowyth. Maybe you are on a superficial level but if it was genuinely satisfying you would not be posting on a recovery thread.

You are a young person and so much of our culture is based around alcohol so I totally understand why you would be resentful that you cannot enjoy having an occasional drink like the so called normies but that is a small price to pay when set against long term consequences of ill health, ruined career and lost friendships. Don't let rock bottom be your rock bottom.

Normancita

Hi Brenda,
Mu can only speak from my own experience.

For me, when I started drinking 5 years ago, it was fun. It was new, it gave me a buzz, it felt like a vacation from my problems.

But like the saying goes, eventually I wasn't taking a drink....the drink began taking me.

I have a good job and make decent money, but I began experiencing financial problems bc it was all going to wine...lots of it. I started getting health problems, like high blood pressure, headaches, bloating, upset stomach, acid reflux...I could go in and on.

Emotionally, what once seemed to calm me down, now made me emotionally unstable. Sometimes angry, sometimes a crying mess, but never did it leave me able to cope better than before I took that drink.

My opinion is that you will know when you are done. Eventually, it just became UNFUN, UNENJOYABLE.....it became a chore.

Maybe you aren't there yet, I don't know. I think that once you are there, you will find some serious resolve to move past this habit, this addiction.

Best to you!
Norma

tomsteve

Brenda, IF you really enjoyed drinking, why would you be wanting to know how to quit?

JustTony

I like drinking. Still do.

I just hate all the consequences when I wake up.

For me it's not worth it. Nobody can make the judgement call for you.

Tony

Algorithm

You fell for that old classic, the "drinking doesn't feel good anymore" ruse. That was the Addictive Voice itself, implying that if drinking did feel good, that it would be party time. With that premise, it didn't take very much to justify more drinking, since the AV needed only to suggest that it might feel good, so as to encourage a 'test' after a break.

I would encourage abstaining from the benefits of drinking, and not just from the downsides. Pain is the classroom of recovery, and you can obviously wait until you obtain the necessary motivation to quit by way of additional pain, caused by continued drinking, but I do not encourage that route. It could take a long time, and could lead to very serious losses.

ScottFromWI

To be frank Brenda , and you've elluded to this yourself: You never really addressed your addiction during those 6 months. You shifted your addiction to obsessions with old relationships, attention seeking behavior here on SR, and others you may not have mentioned.

You've been here for quite some time and I think you are familiar with the idea that you need to devise a plan to actively address your addiction. It won't just fix itself. Therapy has been recommended to you many times, I would still advise that too.

Bottom line, you need to make the committment and do the work. And you won't like some of it. We are here to help you along the way, but we cannot do it for you.

LadyBlue0527

Some really good responses here and a truly valid question Brenda. The answer lies within how honest you can be with yourself.

For me it was the risk/reward factor. Years back I loved drinking. That's when I could be a wild child once in a while and the only price I paid was the occasional need to apologize to someone which was usually forgiven. As my drinking progressed my behavior got worse. Oddly enough, I still tried to justify drinking. I was still receiving benefit (or so i thought).

When I had almost 18 months and relapsed I then drank for a total of 19 months but it truly wasn't the same. The grinding was worse that occurred waiting for the next weekend to arrive. Or, the next time I knew I had plans to drink. Previously, when I had a plan to go out with friends I was truly excited to see them. This time through they could have all been silent lumps on their barstools and I couldn't have cared less. All they represented were warm bodies that were giving me the ability to have the excuse to drink and someone to do it with. It horrifies me to admit that.

Then, last May, the inevitable happened that proved to me that every time I drink I may get away with it 11 or 12 times, maybe more, but, eventually, something really bad is going to happen. Each time whatever that bad thing was became far worse. It was when I realized that rock bottoms have rock bottoms. They are an endless, eternal pit that just keeps getting deeper. It's all a matter of time.

I know I'm done lying to myself and playing the game. It's freedom like I've never had and if I had just realized what a liar alcohol is I would have done this long ago.


Try sitting down and making an honest risk/reward list. Start with all the benefits that alcohol gives you. When you have that completed move over to the risk side. List everything bad that has happened because of your drinking.

Which side is longer? Are you willing to continue on with the risks in order to get the benefits?

Only you can answer that and it has to be full honesty.

SteveAlex

For me it was a love/hate continuous relationship until I finally hated it enough to do something about it

Delizadee

If you drink long enough and hard enough, you will probably get to the point where a chunk of your brain is telling you it's still fun while 85% of the rest of your brain is telling you it hurts, it hurts inside, physically, mentally, emotionally, obsessively, the consequences hurt. It's just nothing pain.
Then you'll want to be not drinking.

For me I believed the lie through so many relapses.
I had to take a REAL HARD LOOK and do a LOT OF WORK to realize how much this wasn't working for me and how much I was hurting myself.
And I still relapsed. And finally I realized, there was nothing but obsession and pain and a choice left.

When you get to nothing but obsession, pain and a choice left or sober right. Hopefully the scales will help tip you to the right.
Really the choice is yours to make.