Coming alive
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Originally Posted by Berrybean 
I think many of us As have some pretty codie (codependent ) traits. In the past we drank on them, then we got sober and have to learn to deal with the situations those traits make difficult in different ways, and it's tough. Well, it was for me.
It might be worth researching codependency a little. If some of what you read hits home (as it did for me) then I'd suggest reading Codependent No More, and also the CoDa handbook (there may even be some CoDa meeting you could attend where you live - some areas are well served in this regard).
As a Christian, the other tool I use for this is a prayer based around a Litany for Humility which is part of my daily routine ...
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be:
Admired more than I; Praised when I am unnoticed; Chosen even though I may be set aside; Preferred to me; And, increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness. Help me to recognise my inner brat and not act on its whims.
AMEN.
My inner brat and my AV (addictive voice ) are pretty much the same thing I suspect. If they're not one and the same thing, then they are definitely my evil twins!
The other pray that helps me to not get too wrapped up in what others may or may not think of me is the Do It Anyway prayer. The last line especially is something that keeps me going on a tough day...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
AMEN
Nowadays I try my very hardest not let my discernment be swayed by my people-pleasing tendencies and fear of displeasing others and incurring their judgement. We have the full armour of God to help us (Ephesians 6:14-17) and as we clank forth, seeking the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that can, and do, make life (and us) sweeter and more bearable in ways that alcohol, sex, gambling or drugs could never do.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
It might be worth researching codependency a little. If some of what you read hits home (as it did for me) then I'd suggest reading Codependent No More, and also the CoDa handbook (there may even be some CoDa meeting you could attend where you live - some areas are well served in this regard).
As a Christian, the other tool I use for this is a prayer based around a Litany for Humility which is part of my daily routine ...
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be:
Admired more than I; Praised when I am unnoticed; Chosen even though I may be set aside; Preferred to me; And, increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness. Help me to recognise my inner brat and not act on its whims.
AMEN.
My inner brat and my AV (addictive voice ) are pretty much the same thing I suspect. If they're not one and the same thing, then they are definitely my evil twins!
The other pray that helps me to not get too wrapped up in what others may or may not think of me is the Do It Anyway prayer. The last line especially is something that keeps me going on a tough day...
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
AMEN
Nowadays I try my very hardest not let my discernment be swayed by my people-pleasing tendencies and fear of displeasing others and incurring their judgement. We have the full armour of God to help us (Ephesians 6:14-17) and as we clank forth, seeking the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) that can, and do, make life (and us) sweeter and more bearable in ways that alcohol, sex, gambling or drugs could never do.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
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