CajunPrincess

Guys. I will have 6 months next week. As awesome as that is, I'm almost a bit disappointed. I expected my life to look more different at 6 months than it does now. I realize a lot of underlying issues are exposed during sobriety, so I guess that's the case. I just won't be the person posting before and after pics saying "6 months! My life is SO amazing now!" etc, etc.
I still struggle a lot with self harm and depression, and obviously it's even more in my face when I don't have alcohol to numb it.
I will admit that I have been slacking on my recovery. I don't go to therapy anymore. I rarely get on here. I have several sobriety books that I just haven't felt like reading. Even in the early EARLY phases of sobriety, I was still struggling with other issues. I definitely entertain the idea of drinking again. Often. Not that I think i could ever manage it because i know I can't. I realize it will be another downward slope. But I think to myself it'd be nice to have SOMETHING when everyday is a struggle dealing with my emotions and chronic fatigue (which isn't part of the depression).
My life is basically back to where it was before I ever started drinking. Same emotional/mental issues. Same everything. No wonder I started drinking in the first place.

NewRomanMan

Hi Cajun. I get you about the being a little disappointed that things don't magically get great when we get sober. But sober life without recovery is just the way things used to be minus the alcohol or drugs. In order for us to really thrive, we have to work a program. Even when we don't feel like it (for me, especially when I don't feel like it). Your struggle with your other issues, I can't really address, but putting in the effort to go to therapy, read your recovery books and/or go to meetings (if that's your thing) will help, but it's a long term thing. It doesn't happen overnight. Most of us didn't become alcoholics or addicts in just six months' time. To expect to feel brand new and full of rainbows and lollipops after six months or sobriety is the same way. It's probably not going to happen. But if you stick with it, it will get better. Our success in recovery and our happiness with it is directly proportional to the work we put into it. Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you stay here on SR!

Poppy79

Hello, massive congrats on nearly 6 months. I am only at 3 months so props to you
Have you thought about medication to assist with your depression? It can be trial and error in getting on the right meds and dosage but I know many people who could not function without medication.
If you are taking meds, maybe chat to your doc about trying a different one?
A lot of people on here say 6 months is still considered early sobriety and tough times are abound but it does get better the longer one stay off the plonk.
Stay sober and get back into your tool box of keeping clean I find just reading a few posts first up in the morning reminds me why I had to stop drinking.
Anyhoo, I hope you feel better soon and again, congrats on your 6 months. You should be very proud of yourself xoxo

january161992

couldnt have said it better

the little bit of drinking/ drugging i did after high school was the symptom of the real problem which is me!

cool thing about aa is that we are given tools to deal with the real problem

prayer
fellowship
service to others
looking at my part in things
talking to my sponsor




great job on <6 months

come back next week for a (virtual) chip!

Doug39

I am going through a similar thing. I am only 107 days sober and I also am having a hard time with depression and anxiety. I too thought I would feel good by now.

These last few days have almost been as bad as my first few days of sobriety.

I have been trying to go to at least one AA meeting everyday; I didn't go last Monday. Then Tuesday was when my anxiety went haywire.

You have to work the program or see your therapist well after recovery.

Good luck to you.

thomas11

Hi CP, congrats on your 6 months. I would have faith in the long time sober people on this forum and trust that things will get better. Its probably a certainty that they won't get better if you drink again, right?

BrendaChenowyth

Hey CP. I'll have 6 months on the 21st and I feel exactly the same!

It might be time for this nursing student to write a care plan on herself. What are my symptoms/complaints/deficits? What are the contributing factors? What are the interventions to fix them? What could be a short term goal (one week or one month time frame) and what could be the long term goal (a year or ongoing)? Then assess progress, was the goal met in the desired time frame, and if not, why not? What additional interventions can be done?

Just brainstorming out loud I have to study for a test tomorrow but after that I'll do my self-care plan. You might try it out, too. Write it all out and keep a journal of progress. So when you feel like you're not growing, and especially when you feel like it's all pointless and you might as well go back to numbing, you can read back over all the tiny victories you've had along the way that maybe you've forgotten about.

2ndhandrose

Congrats on almost 6 months, CajunPrincess That is something great in your life!

I was NOT the poster child for recovery in my first year. I was back and forth to the doctor with a huge (no kidding!) list of complaints on a regular basis. I had a ridiculous amount of tests done, at my request. Finally, my doctor suggested that my untreated depression may be driving my myriad symptoms and asked me to try a low dose anti depressant.

I am so grateful that I gave it a chance as it made my life bearable. Not fantastic, but liveable from day to day.

It is not the answer for everyone but some kind of effort does need to be put forth into our recovery and I hope you find what will help you.

For me, I was too depressed to care. Now I can see through the clouds to continue working on growing up. Life is still filled with struggles but it is also sprinkled with good things, too.

I hope you can find your way out of your depression, (((CajunPrincess)))

August252015

So what are you willing to do to change some of these feelings and struggles? A lot of what you write is relatable to many and everyone's progress in sobriety is different.

Is it possible that getting back into a program-mode, counseling, etc, is just the thing to kick start some energy back into your game?

I guess what I'm saying is....what lengths are you willing to go to in order to keep on counting sober days? You've identified some frustrations and struggles- now finding out how to actively combat them and learn better and more adaptive behaviors, etc....could be the ticket to everything.

Good luck.

DesertTraveler

Congrats on 6 months Cajun. I think you're being a little too hard on yourself though. It's going to take way more than 6 months for EVERYTHING to get better. Have you considered meeting with a therapist regularly, just to talk things out? It can work wonders for depression, anxiety, guilt caused from years of drinking.... I know it doesn't work for everyone and is stigmatized in certain cultures, but it works for me. I see one every week and it is one thing that certainly helps me stay away from alcohol.