Rehab
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Rehab
My family wants me to go to inpatient rehab out of state, but I think I can get better through AA or a local outpatient facility without intensive inpatient rehabilitation program which is out of state.
It is going to cost my husband a lot of money if I choose the the inpatient program, and I just think maybe, if I wasn't so selfish and put more hard work into my recovery, a lot of pain and financial burden could be avoided.
Also, I am terrified of going and am not sure what to expect. I was hoping some folks here who have been through inpatient rehabilitation may be able to provide some advice on what to expect.
I got pets that I adore and an invalid father incapable of taking care of himself. So, as a result, I am worried about leaving out of state to an inpatient program. To be honest I am thinking about calling the whole thing off.
I guess I just needed to chat with someone who understands.
It is going to cost my husband a lot of money if I choose the the inpatient program, and I just think maybe, if I wasn't so selfish and put more hard work into my recovery, a lot of pain and financial burden could be avoided.
Also, I am terrified of going and am not sure what to expect. I was hoping some folks here who have been through inpatient rehabilitation may be able to provide some advice on what to expect.
I got pets that I adore and an invalid father incapable of taking care of himself. So, as a result, I am worried about leaving out of state to an inpatient program. To be honest I am thinking about calling the whole thing off.
I guess I just needed to chat with someone who understands.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Is there a particular reason your family wants you to go to that particular inpatient rehab out of state? Most inpatient rehab's are indeed expensive. But, if your hub is willing to fork out the moolah for it, there must be a darn good reason....
However: If you yourself are not fully on board with it, all the greatest rehab in the world may not do the trick. You gotta really want it. It's disheartening when people get invested in rehabs, go through it, get out, and then relapse. The reasons for those occurrences are many-fold of course. But you all need to know and go into it with eyes open that rehab is NOT a guaranteed cure.
I think you are spot on that it's gonna take work on your part regardless, but good help is good help and there is some good help to had from a good rehab.
You care for your invalid father? How much of that could be contributing to your own ailment? Being the care-giver is not a cake-walk in most cases. Folks can care for others while neglecting their own care...if your hubby can afford to pay for rehab, can he afford to hire someone to care for your dad while you are away? Or can someone else in the family do it for awhile?
One of the biggest pros of inpatient rehab is you are there SOLELY to work on yourself without any other demands being placed on you.
However: If you yourself are not fully on board with it, all the greatest rehab in the world may not do the trick. You gotta really want it. It's disheartening when people get invested in rehabs, go through it, get out, and then relapse. The reasons for those occurrences are many-fold of course. But you all need to know and go into it with eyes open that rehab is NOT a guaranteed cure.
I think you are spot on that it's gonna take work on your part regardless, but good help is good help and there is some good help to had from a good rehab.
You care for your invalid father? How much of that could be contributing to your own ailment? Being the care-giver is not a cake-walk in most cases. Folks can care for others while neglecting their own care...if your hubby can afford to pay for rehab, can he afford to hire someone to care for your dad while you are away? Or can someone else in the family do it for awhile?
One of the biggest pros of inpatient rehab is you are there SOLELY to work on yourself without any other demands being placed on you.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Disclaimer - I work for an inpatient rehab. I also got sober on my own - though I did do intensive outpatient at one point.
There are good ones & not-so-good ones. But a good rehab center gives you the opportunity to focus entirely on you - and for many of us - especially women - this is an unprecedented opportunity. If you can afford it or have insurance that will cover it, it allows you to absolutely focus on yourself & your recovery.
Everyone gets very scared before they show up. Some people get so scared that they try to do their crazy "last-binge" & actually OD before they can get there. It is terrifying to consider that it might actually work & you might never ever use or drink again.
Like the night before a wedding.
So being scared is absolutely normal. It doesn't mean you shouldn't go.
Conversely, rehab is big business in the United States. Do your homework. Choose for yourself where you are going. If you were sending your child to summer camp for the first time, you'd do some research. A using addict or alcoholic is a fragile being. Choose a place with good reviews from former clients, check out multiple options, and - most importantly - take a minute to feel how your interactions feel before you even commit. Does the intake call leave you feeling understood or pushed? Will you be sharing a room? What does the program include? What do you want? How many clients at a time? How many staff? Are the other clients there because they choose to be or are people being mandated to the program to fulfil court requirements?
Just be a savvy shopper. It's a lot of money & you are committing your time.
But I will say that when all those things match up, some people have very powerful experiences. Devoting a month or two or three to your recovery is often a transformative experience - like a sobriety yoga retreat - & people come back strong & sure.
Like every single thing in life, it comes down to intention & careful choosing. But being scared is the norm. The actual travelling to rehab might be one of the scariest trips people ever embark on...
There are good ones & not-so-good ones. But a good rehab center gives you the opportunity to focus entirely on you - and for many of us - especially women - this is an unprecedented opportunity. If you can afford it or have insurance that will cover it, it allows you to absolutely focus on yourself & your recovery.
Everyone gets very scared before they show up. Some people get so scared that they try to do their crazy "last-binge" & actually OD before they can get there. It is terrifying to consider that it might actually work & you might never ever use or drink again.
Like the night before a wedding.
So being scared is absolutely normal. It doesn't mean you shouldn't go.
Conversely, rehab is big business in the United States. Do your homework. Choose for yourself where you are going. If you were sending your child to summer camp for the first time, you'd do some research. A using addict or alcoholic is a fragile being. Choose a place with good reviews from former clients, check out multiple options, and - most importantly - take a minute to feel how your interactions feel before you even commit. Does the intake call leave you feeling understood or pushed? Will you be sharing a room? What does the program include? What do you want? How many clients at a time? How many staff? Are the other clients there because they choose to be or are people being mandated to the program to fulfil court requirements?
Just be a savvy shopper. It's a lot of money & you are committing your time.
But I will say that when all those things match up, some people have very powerful experiences. Devoting a month or two or three to your recovery is often a transformative experience - like a sobriety yoga retreat - & people come back strong & sure.
Like every single thing in life, it comes down to intention & careful choosing. But being scared is the norm. The actual travelling to rehab might be one of the scariest trips people ever embark on...
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Well put heartcore. Completely on point.
Best thing I ever did was go to in patient rehab.
Driving up to the check in entrance was really scary but that fear dissipated very quickly once I met my first nurse.
3 weeks of CBT therapy, one on one daily sessions with a psych, art therapy, daily exercise at the gym, free time to read, reflect, watch Netflix.
82 days clean and could not have gotten to this point without rehab.
I did my research, the place had a superb reputation and it was an experience that was tough but enjoyable.
Best thing I ever did was go to in patient rehab.
Driving up to the check in entrance was really scary but that fear dissipated very quickly once I met my first nurse.
3 weeks of CBT therapy, one on one daily sessions with a psych, art therapy, daily exercise at the gym, free time to read, reflect, watch Netflix.
82 days clean and could not have gotten to this point without rehab.
I did my research, the place had a superb reputation and it was an experience that was tough but enjoyable.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
What do you think? Getting better is more important than pets (sorry, but it is). You need to get better for you firstly. Guilt- 'hard work?'. No one I have seen gets better by themselves. Rehab is not only to get the physical stuff sorted- it is to give you skills to cope with not drinking. Also to work on reasons why drinking became such a part of your (my) life. Yes- money is a factor. What is most important is getting better. Change for us who are addicted is scary. What every path you choose- it is important to listen to what is said/advised. It is important to stick with it. So if rehab is 28 days- that does not mean 10 days, then stop 'cos it is too much. Same with AA meetings, or SMART or OP or whatever. Keep posting. Prayers to you and your family. PJ
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Good advice on this thread.
I attended inpatient care. More than anything, as mentioned above, it gave me a chance to let go of all of my daily responsibilities for a short period (mine was only 2 weeks) and concentrate on my recovery. I'll hit 14 months of sobriety in about a week so something seemingly has worked so far. The other thing about inpatient care for me is that it was an admission that I couldn't fix this on my own. I have a real problem at times with being the guy that wants to fix everything, from work to kids to myself, and I have a difficult time accepting help from others. By going to inpatient care, I had no choice but to get help and it worked out great. Good luck to you!
I attended inpatient care. More than anything, as mentioned above, it gave me a chance to let go of all of my daily responsibilities for a short period (mine was only 2 weeks) and concentrate on my recovery. I'll hit 14 months of sobriety in about a week so something seemingly has worked so far. The other thing about inpatient care for me is that it was an admission that I couldn't fix this on my own. I have a real problem at times with being the guy that wants to fix everything, from work to kids to myself, and I have a difficult time accepting help from others. By going to inpatient care, I had no choice but to get help and it worked out great. Good luck to you!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Newhope
I can always find a dozen or more reasons not to do what I need to do to get sober, when I'm obsessed and under the control of my addiction.
You've been talking about inpatient for quite a while. I challenge your belief that you can do this without some kind of major intervention....otherwise you would have already. And sounds like your loved ones want you to go. Out of state maybe because they don't want you to be able to easily leave early?
Money. Maybe do some honest calculations on how much money you've spent on booze, and will continue to spend if you keep drinking. Not to mention the emotional cost on those around you. Sounds like your husband has come to terms with the money aspect. And insurance should cover some of the cost if you have it. AND negotiate with the rehab. Don't just accept their costs at face value.
Pets? I'm assuming your hub can take care of them.
As with any program in recovery, you get out of it what you put in. There is no magic cure. I've been to multiple rehabs, left early, played my ego/victim game. I was a nightmare. This last rehab I was desperate and WILLING. I did what I was told and I had a great experience. I stopped fighting and thinking I could do this MY way. MY way involves drinking.
Good luck.
I can always find a dozen or more reasons not to do what I need to do to get sober, when I'm obsessed and under the control of my addiction.
You've been talking about inpatient for quite a while. I challenge your belief that you can do this without some kind of major intervention....otherwise you would have already. And sounds like your loved ones want you to go. Out of state maybe because they don't want you to be able to easily leave early?
Money. Maybe do some honest calculations on how much money you've spent on booze, and will continue to spend if you keep drinking. Not to mention the emotional cost on those around you. Sounds like your husband has come to terms with the money aspect. And insurance should cover some of the cost if you have it. AND negotiate with the rehab. Don't just accept their costs at face value.
Pets? I'm assuming your hub can take care of them.
As with any program in recovery, you get out of it what you put in. There is no magic cure. I've been to multiple rehabs, left early, played my ego/victim game. I was a nightmare. This last rehab I was desperate and WILLING. I did what I was told and I had a great experience. I stopped fighting and thinking I could do this MY way. MY way involves drinking.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Do you want to quit drinking? More than anything else?
AA can do it, lots of programs can do it, and inpatient can get you started - all based on YOU deciding to quit.
Sounds like you have a lot of support if you choose quitting. In my (long, hard and very painful) experience, I had to choose to get sober before anything else.
Good luck.
AA can do it, lots of programs can do it, and inpatient can get you started - all based on YOU deciding to quit.
Sounds like you have a lot of support if you choose quitting. In my (long, hard and very painful) experience, I had to choose to get sober before anything else.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
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You've been posting here and struggling for over four years. Is it possible what you're really trying to do is bargain with your addiction and figure that if you're at home part of the time you'll still be able to sneak drink if it gets to be too much?
At this point, and I'm not an AAer, half measures are getting you nowhere but stuck, yes?
Time to get your life back.
At this point, and I'm not an AAer, half measures are getting you nowhere but stuck, yes?
Time to get your life back.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007 
One of the biggest pros of inpatient rehab is you are there SOLELY to work on yourself without any other demands being placed on you.
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I went to a AA based in-patient rehab... Which I now today work for..
I personally needed to be removed from society to get a grip and let go at the same time.
I simply came to the realization that I couldn't do it on my own, And the treatment center had scores of people that knew how to not only get sober but stay sober.
So I was blessed to go to detox then to the mens supportive housing. Where I was able to stay for 8 1/2 months and build a solid foundation. After 27 years of daily blackout drinking and drugging it was time to surrender..
Best thing I could of ever dreamed of happening to this 45 year old drunk...
Hope you find your way..
I personally needed to be removed from society to get a grip and let go at the same time.
I simply came to the realization that I couldn't do it on my own, And the treatment center had scores of people that knew how to not only get sober but stay sober.
So I was blessed to go to detox then to the mens supportive housing. Where I was able to stay for 8 1/2 months and build a solid foundation. After 27 years of daily blackout drinking and drugging it was time to surrender..
Best thing I could of ever dreamed of happening to this 45 year old drunk...
Hope you find your way..
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by newhope01
It is going to cost my husband a lot of money if I choose the the inpatient program, and I just think maybe, if I wasn't so selfish and put more hard work into my recovery, a lot of pain and financial burden could be avoided.
It doesn't work that way.
An Addict's Most Vulnerable Time is Right After Treatment
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Originally Posted by newhope01
Can you please elaborate more on this statement?
In a sense, it is a huge type of surrender to go, in and of itself. Once there, you gotta put in the legit effort if being sober- a cocoon makes it easier for some to get started- is what you want more than anything.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
As someone else mentioned, you joined this forum in 2009, the same year as me.
If I was still struggling 8 years later, my wife wouldn't tell me to go to inpatient rehab. She would be long gone.
It sounds like you family is ready for you to take drastic action. They may not have said anything, but they might be at the "end of their rope" with you.
Stop trying to find "an easier, softer way."
If I was still struggling 8 years later, my wife wouldn't tell me to go to inpatient rehab. She would be long gone.
It sounds like you family is ready for you to take drastic action. They may not have said anything, but they might be at the "end of their rope" with you.
Stop trying to find "an easier, softer way."
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Ps. I want to emphasize Frick's point for you & others considering rehab - costs (at least where I work) are negotiable. We have a certain bottom line, but if somebody seems really committed & hopeful & has some financial limitations, we often grant partial scholarships. There are many "cycles" of rehab attendance (for example, Christmas season tends to be a low census - my guess is because people want to be with their families & figure they'll head to rehab after New Years). We are more generous with financial assistance if we aren't full up. Don't be afraid to propose a bit less money. The worst that can happen is that if it is a busy season, we'll say "no."
Many people working at rehabs are sober alcoholics/clean addicts, and we are there because we are committed. Like I said in my post, there are also very corporate centers that might not be able to be as flexible, and also non-profits that are low-cost but have long waiting lists. But a smaller center is usually willing to be a little flexible.
Also - people assume that insurance totally covers it. It seldom does (especially if it is a longer program - ie. The potential to stay a few months). We usually ask for insurance + some $ (depending on the insurance), but it is the "+ some" that is sometimes negotiable...
Many people working at rehabs are sober alcoholics/clean addicts, and we are there because we are committed. Like I said in my post, there are also very corporate centers that might not be able to be as flexible, and also non-profits that are low-cost but have long waiting lists. But a smaller center is usually willing to be a little flexible.
Also - people assume that insurance totally covers it. It seldom does (especially if it is a longer program - ie. The potential to stay a few months). We usually ask for insurance + some $ (depending on the insurance), but it is the "+ some" that is sometimes negotiable...
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Originally Posted by newhope01
Can you please elaborate more on this statement?
Part of what spurred me to write that is I got the sense from yourOP that you're the care-giver for your invalid father. Is that correct? And, I also asked you if that might be something that could be contributing to your own ailment. Maybe it is; maybe it isn't.
If you are like the typical woman you have several things you take care of. And while that is what it is, it does have its demands. When you are busy with life's demands, it's sometimes hard to give your FULL attention to what needs healing within yourself. All those demands are just part of life for sure, but they can detract from giving adequate attention and focus to your issues. After years of addiction you literally need to learn to live (again) without it. That takes some doing. It's a learning curve too....like sort of re-programming your mind and body. (and soul) Being an inpatient takes you away from your daily grind; your usual routine. It's quite a change up.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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NewHope: Maybe you could get in touch with Meraviglioso, who has posted repeatedly on SR about her very congenial experience at a rehab outside Florence,Italy. You can do an inpatient rehab in 28 days. I did that back in 1988 and have been sober since. No relapses. I also had a dog at home and my wife took care of her. I missed both of them but they came through it all right. If I had not gone to that rehab I'd be dead since I had heart trouble too and drinking would have killed me for sure.Good luck.
Bill.
Bill.
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275
As someone else mentioned, you joined this forum in 2009, the same year as me.
If I was still struggling 8 years later, my wife wouldn't tell me to go to inpatient rehab. She would be long gone.
It sounds like you family is ready for you to take drastic action. They may not have said anything, but they might be at the "end of their rope" with you.
Stop trying to find "an easier, softer way."
If I was still struggling 8 years later, my wife wouldn't tell me to go to inpatient rehab. She would be long gone.
It sounds like you family is ready for you to take drastic action. They may not have said anything, but they might be at the "end of their rope" with you.
Stop trying to find "an easier, softer way."
I'm getting the impression you don't truly want to get sober. Rehab isn't a miracle cure, and you need to put everything you have into wanting to be sober, or else it will not work.
If this is the case, I would be honest with your husband before he spends a small fortune on nothing, and you don't waste everyone's time.
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