Why do our friends want us to drink?
Why do our friends want us to drink?
Interesting article - the last part on tips to deal with this is a an especially good read.
D
D
why do our friends want us to drink and dislike it when we don’t?
Anyone who has ever tried to give up drinking, or goes somewhere and says they’re not drinking, knows people encourage us to drink and are unhappy when we don’t. Why is this? Is it uniquely Australian? What can we do about it?
The phenomenon of people experiencing pressure to drink in social situations has been identified in many countries around the world, not just in Australia.
Research on negative reactions to non-drinking and non-drinkers has been reported in countries including the USA, Mexico, Peru, New Zealand, Japan, African Countries, and Finland. Within countries, drinking norms also often vary from one social or cultural group to another.
doing what our mates do
In some groups, heavy drinking might be normal. In these groups, individuals’ drinking can be greatly influenced by the stated or implicit norms around drinking.
Recent Victorian (Aus) research found “social drinkers”, defined as people who have drinks in a social situation outside their home at least once a week, are more likely to have experienced pressure from others to drink than those who aren’t social drinkers.
Pressure to drink more was greater for those who were “risky drinkers” - that is, those who drank more than six standard drinks in one session at least weekly. This is presumably because those of us who drink more are more likely to find ourselves in social groups where heavier drinking is the norm.
Most of the research on social and peer influences on drinking has been done with teenagers and college students. This is because the influence of peers on our behaviour is strongest when we’re teenagers.
There is evidence that young adults who are more socially anxious, or concerned about what others think of them, are more prone to drink in a risky manner as a result.
The ability to resist peer influence seems to increase from about 14, although some research suggests our ability to stand up for ourselves in the face of our mates doesn’t increase much from age 18 to 30.
Research shows peers can influence our drinking practices both directly and indirectly. Direct influences can be as overt as open encouragement to drink, buying someone a drink when they have said they don’t want one, or subtle gestures to drink up.
Indirect influences can be through modelling (observing others’ behaviour) or through beliefs about what is considered acceptable drinking behaviour. We compare our own drinking behaviour with what is considered “normal” in our group.
why the pressure to drink?
It’s difficult to find specific research on why our friends put pressure on us to drink. But there are some general indications from social psychology and sociology regarding conformity and group mentality.
Essentially, we are tribal social animals. From an evolutionary perspective, early humans had to form social groups to hunt, gather food, protect each other and survive. As a result, we have evolved tendencies to support group cohesion by conforming to group norms and shunning non-conformity.
So if we tend to associate with people who are like us and engage in similar behaviours, and we start doing things in a way that goes against the group norms, such as not drinking in a social situation, this can be a challenge to the acceptability of that behaviour in the group.
As i say to clients in my clinical psychology practice, when you decide you want to cut down or stop drinking, it can be a bit like you are holding up a mirror to your mates that says “i’ve decided my drinking needs to change and maybe you should look at your own drinking”.
At an almost unconscious level, they can try and resolve this discomfort by encouraging you to start drinking again, just like them. And of course, even if they might be supportive of your intentions not to drink when they are sober, after they’ve had a few drinks, they may be more likely to put pressure on you to drink.
What to do to avoid the peer pressure
here are some tips for dealing with pressure to drink in social situations.
* Don’t be surprised if you friends seem to undermine your efforts to cut down their drinking. They’re not necessarily trying to undermine you. They’re probably just dealing with their own insecurities about their drinking.
* Plan for and rehearse how you will respond before you put yourself in that social drinking situation. Sometimes having a cover story, such as “i’m on medication so i need to give drinking a rest” or “i’m driving”, can help in the short term.
* Remind yourself of the reasons you are cutting down or stopping drinking. A strong resolution to change your drinking can be an important part of resisting pressure to drink.
* Think about who in the group might be supportive of your decision to change your drinking behaviour and consider making them an ally. You can speak to them beforehand, explain what you are trying to do, and tell them what you’d like them to do to help deal with any pressure from the group.
* In a drinking situation, if people are buying rounds, either stay out of these or buy others alcoholic drinks when it’s your turn to shout, but ask they buy you a non-alcoholic drink. [Or stay out of the pub altogether, at least for a while - d]
* If they persist with putting pressure on you to drink, you can leave the situation. You might want to reflect on whether they are the kind of mates you want to be around when you’re trying to change your drinking behaviour.
https://theconversation.com/why-do-o...-we-dont-68430
Anyone who has ever tried to give up drinking, or goes somewhere and says they’re not drinking, knows people encourage us to drink and are unhappy when we don’t. Why is this? Is it uniquely Australian? What can we do about it?
The phenomenon of people experiencing pressure to drink in social situations has been identified in many countries around the world, not just in Australia.
Research on negative reactions to non-drinking and non-drinkers has been reported in countries including the USA, Mexico, Peru, New Zealand, Japan, African Countries, and Finland. Within countries, drinking norms also often vary from one social or cultural group to another.
doing what our mates do
In some groups, heavy drinking might be normal. In these groups, individuals’ drinking can be greatly influenced by the stated or implicit norms around drinking.
Recent Victorian (Aus) research found “social drinkers”, defined as people who have drinks in a social situation outside their home at least once a week, are more likely to have experienced pressure from others to drink than those who aren’t social drinkers.
Pressure to drink more was greater for those who were “risky drinkers” - that is, those who drank more than six standard drinks in one session at least weekly. This is presumably because those of us who drink more are more likely to find ourselves in social groups where heavier drinking is the norm.
Most of the research on social and peer influences on drinking has been done with teenagers and college students. This is because the influence of peers on our behaviour is strongest when we’re teenagers.
There is evidence that young adults who are more socially anxious, or concerned about what others think of them, are more prone to drink in a risky manner as a result.
The ability to resist peer influence seems to increase from about 14, although some research suggests our ability to stand up for ourselves in the face of our mates doesn’t increase much from age 18 to 30.
Research shows peers can influence our drinking practices both directly and indirectly. Direct influences can be as overt as open encouragement to drink, buying someone a drink when they have said they don’t want one, or subtle gestures to drink up.
Indirect influences can be through modelling (observing others’ behaviour) or through beliefs about what is considered acceptable drinking behaviour. We compare our own drinking behaviour with what is considered “normal” in our group.
why the pressure to drink?
It’s difficult to find specific research on why our friends put pressure on us to drink. But there are some general indications from social psychology and sociology regarding conformity and group mentality.
Essentially, we are tribal social animals. From an evolutionary perspective, early humans had to form social groups to hunt, gather food, protect each other and survive. As a result, we have evolved tendencies to support group cohesion by conforming to group norms and shunning non-conformity.
So if we tend to associate with people who are like us and engage in similar behaviours, and we start doing things in a way that goes against the group norms, such as not drinking in a social situation, this can be a challenge to the acceptability of that behaviour in the group.
As i say to clients in my clinical psychology practice, when you decide you want to cut down or stop drinking, it can be a bit like you are holding up a mirror to your mates that says “i’ve decided my drinking needs to change and maybe you should look at your own drinking”.
At an almost unconscious level, they can try and resolve this discomfort by encouraging you to start drinking again, just like them. And of course, even if they might be supportive of your intentions not to drink when they are sober, after they’ve had a few drinks, they may be more likely to put pressure on you to drink.
What to do to avoid the peer pressure
here are some tips for dealing with pressure to drink in social situations.
* Don’t be surprised if you friends seem to undermine your efforts to cut down their drinking. They’re not necessarily trying to undermine you. They’re probably just dealing with their own insecurities about their drinking.
* Plan for and rehearse how you will respond before you put yourself in that social drinking situation. Sometimes having a cover story, such as “i’m on medication so i need to give drinking a rest” or “i’m driving”, can help in the short term.
* Remind yourself of the reasons you are cutting down or stopping drinking. A strong resolution to change your drinking can be an important part of resisting pressure to drink.
* Think about who in the group might be supportive of your decision to change your drinking behaviour and consider making them an ally. You can speak to them beforehand, explain what you are trying to do, and tell them what you’d like them to do to help deal with any pressure from the group.
* In a drinking situation, if people are buying rounds, either stay out of these or buy others alcoholic drinks when it’s your turn to shout, but ask they buy you a non-alcoholic drink. [Or stay out of the pub altogether, at least for a while - d]
* If they persist with putting pressure on you to drink, you can leave the situation. You might want to reflect on whether they are the kind of mates you want to be around when you’re trying to change your drinking behaviour.
https://theconversation.com/why-do-o...-we-dont-68430
I'm very lucky in that way. I'm a somewhat anti-social person with a few very weird friends, and they joke about it but they don't try to coerce me into drinking, not even close. Drinking has never been about being social with me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Dee, this is timely. I spend time with family who want me to drink because it would mean I was healthy, ironic isn't it! Bad Liver tests and a friends death by cirrhosis inspired my sobriety so being healthy enough to drink would be a good thing! (Not my logic, theirs)
I spend time with friends who drink a lot, if I drank I would spend more time with them. I leave, they like the old me better, the one who stayed and joined them in really stupid antics.
My husband likes me sober all right, but I find him less amusing and our sex life has taken a dive.
I like me better most of the time. I feel safer, healthier, less stupid with money.
I spend time with friends who drink a lot, if I drank I would spend more time with them. I leave, they like the old me better, the one who stayed and joined them in really stupid antics.
My husband likes me sober all right, but I find him less amusing and our sex life has taken a dive.
I like me better most of the time. I feel safer, healthier, less stupid with money.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: The North, UK.
Posts: 155
I always get pressured to drink, and I think not drinking ultimately says 'why are you not drinking? We're drinking, what's wrong with it/us'. That and the fact they're just used to me drinking, find me more entertaining drunk and we all have a history of 'risky behaviour' and it's (well, was) a shared experience and outlook. I was always 'good' at drinking and I guess you reap what you sow - I have others like that around me.
I found that too - that and getting away from drinking buddies
I have a few musical mates who still drink like I used to but they totally accept I'm no longer a drinker/toker. I turn up, play, and go home
Outside of that, my friends now are almost all non drinkers or very rare glass left half full drinkers.
D
I have a few musical mates who still drink like I used to but they totally accept I'm no longer a drinker/toker. I turn up, play, and go home
Outside of that, my friends now are almost all non drinkers or very rare glass left half full drinkers.
D
Years ago I used to hang around a big group of car buddies. Two of them, very successful in their career and life, two people I looked up to, never drank. I used to think, "Wow, that's silly. But maybe they know something I don't?" It turns out, they do. They think clearly every day, they put their best foot forward when it comes to their life and business, and their family. Now I'm not saying every person out there 'suffers' from drinking like many of us do, but I am proud to tell people I don't drink, I am proud to be successful, I am proud to wake up and smile because I wake up! Every time I tell someone I don't drink, I hope beyond hope that if that person is an alcoholic, maybe they will look at me the same way I looked at those two, and think, "That's silly. But, he has his stuff together... maybe he knows something I don't?"
I can't find any sober bikers in my area. I do have a friend I worked with I ride with once in a while. He's not one to get drunk and ride.
We might get abite to eat a bar and grill after a long ride.
If any occasion you're at has people insisting you drink, you're I. The wrong place.
We might get abite to eat a bar and grill after a long ride.
If any occasion you're at has people insisting you drink, you're I. The wrong place.
Since I stopped drinking my best friend and partner in crime my "drinking buddy" has cut down on her drinking she is trying the "moderation " route. We went to lunch today and she was very polite and ordered a soda. It was a little strange that we hung out and didn't drink but, I can get used to it. We don't need alcohol to have a good time.
I can't find any sober bikers in my area. I do have a friend I worked with I ride with once in a while. He's not one to get drunk and ride.
We might get abite to eat a bar and grill after a long ride.
If any occasion you're at has people insisting you drink, you're I. The wrong place.
We might get abite to eat a bar and grill after a long ride.
If any occasion you're at has people insisting you drink, you're I. The wrong place.
Your right the peer pressure is really tough when your a teen but now I couldn't give a **** what people think.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Referring to my previous post about not having any peer pressure, I'm sure it's in large part due to my age (58) and that of my social circle.
Captain, I'm not a biker, but have some friends who are and one of them owns a biker bar in FL and doesn't drink. Big, strong, tatted up the wazoo, rude, extremely smart, and the nicest person you'd ever want to meet. IOW, a supreme example of not judging a book by its cover.
Captain, I'm not a biker, but have some friends who are and one of them owns a biker bar in FL and doesn't drink. Big, strong, tatted up the wazoo, rude, extremely smart, and the nicest person you'd ever want to meet. IOW, a supreme example of not judging a book by its cover.
Im to the point now that I really don't care if someone has a problem with my choice. I don't want to hang out in a bar, I am actually more social and interested/interesting sober, and I am not attracted to people who have some kind of hang up about hanging out with sober people.
Onwards and upwards.
Onwards and upwards.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)