Why do our friends want us to drink?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
Thanks Dee. I've had to use a few tricks with friends, or just avoid them altogether: I have a headache and don't want to drink; I have a cold; or I just change the subject abruptly, whatever it takes. Some people can be relentless (and rude) unfortunately, and I avoid them unless they are part of some other social circle I'm not avoiding.
I think a big thing with families though is denial. They may know I haven't been drinking but don't know my whole history of drinking and how out of control it has been. We alcoholics can also play the controlled drinking charade. We'll have a few drinks around the family but then go home and have a lot more later. Our families don't want to think we are sick or we are alcoholics. Past controlled drinking is proof that we are ok! (No, it really isn't. :-) And sometimes, an offer for a drink can feel like pressure when it is not. People will just offer a drink out of courtesy.
For me, in the end, other people don't understand how I feel and that's ok. None of us are mind readers and we aren't obligated to explain ourselves either. Getting used to people "not getting it" has just been part of recovery for me. It's fine to be completely open and honest too, but holiday gatherings aren't really a great place to get into that stuff, so I like the avoidance strategies.
Writing this stuff off as just "peer pressure" is dangerous too, IMO. It might be peer pressure that gets people started drinking, but it's addiction that keeps bringing us back. People don't go back to drinking at parties because they are worried about what people think. It's mostly because they want to drink and it is easy to buy into the denial in heat of the moment.
I think a big thing with families though is denial. They may know I haven't been drinking but don't know my whole history of drinking and how out of control it has been. We alcoholics can also play the controlled drinking charade. We'll have a few drinks around the family but then go home and have a lot more later. Our families don't want to think we are sick or we are alcoholics. Past controlled drinking is proof that we are ok! (No, it really isn't. :-) And sometimes, an offer for a drink can feel like pressure when it is not. People will just offer a drink out of courtesy.
For me, in the end, other people don't understand how I feel and that's ok. None of us are mind readers and we aren't obligated to explain ourselves either. Getting used to people "not getting it" has just been part of recovery for me. It's fine to be completely open and honest too, but holiday gatherings aren't really a great place to get into that stuff, so I like the avoidance strategies.
Writing this stuff off as just "peer pressure" is dangerous too, IMO. It might be peer pressure that gets people started drinking, but it's addiction that keeps bringing us back. People don't go back to drinking at parties because they are worried about what people think. It's mostly because they want to drink and it is easy to buy into the denial in heat of the moment.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I've only had to use this a few times and it does the trick. Ends the conversation right there and they stop.
When they ask if I want a drink or try to hand me one and I refuse if they ask why they get ONE pass. I tell them I just don't drink. If they persist and start being one of "those people" I look right at them and say "Hey, I'm not drinking and fine with it, why are you so bothered by the fact that I'm not drinking?" I can raise an eyebrow too so that's helpful.
Stops them dead in their tracks. They don't like it but it ends the conversation.
When they ask if I want a drink or try to hand me one and I refuse if they ask why they get ONE pass. I tell them I just don't drink. If they persist and start being one of "those people" I look right at them and say "Hey, I'm not drinking and fine with it, why are you so bothered by the fact that I'm not drinking?" I can raise an eyebrow too so that's helpful.
Stops them dead in their tracks. They don't like it but it ends the conversation.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: The North, UK.
Posts: 155
Originally Posted by madgirl 
Im to the point now that I really don't care if someone has a problem with my choice. I don't want to hang out in a bar, I am actually more social and interested/interesting sober, and I am not attracted to people who have some kind of hang up about hanging out with sober people.
Onwards and upwards.
Onwards and upwards.
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