back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Qld
Posts: 23
back again
hey all...back again. Have done some nasty things to my partner/family/friends/work and pretty much lost most of these now.
I think I have borderline personality disorder unfortunately to compound it.
Smashing headache, begged my boyfriend to take me back again this morning. I completely forgot I said some really really nasty stuff to him..stuff I had promised not to say/do ever again.
I'm... at rock bottom.
I think I have borderline personality disorder unfortunately to compound it.
Smashing headache, begged my boyfriend to take me back again this morning. I completely forgot I said some really really nasty stuff to him..stuff I had promised not to say/do ever again.
I'm... at rock bottom.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back, glad you came. BPD is treatable for sure, but of course the drinking needs to stop before you can work on that. Have you followed or explored a formal sobriety or plan/program in the past?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Qld
Posts: 23
God, thanks. so nice to have you guys respond so fast. I was wondering that, do I need to quit alcohol completely in order to combat the borderline??? because with some of the symptoms, I swear it helps. Like stops me doing some of the bad symptoms. Sorry, I know I should ask a doctor that and I know what they would say so I guess I've partially answered my own question... I'm just scared I guess
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Drinking absolutely does not help any mental illness, if anything, it makes it worse. Yes, I would get sober pronto, and stay that way. Then you can treat the BPD. But don't drink!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, so yes it's going to interfere with any treatment you might receive for BPD or any other psychological disorder for that matter. Not to mention all the other problems alcohol is causing you. But before you even get that far, maybe talk with a counselor? Self diagnosing disorders is not the best way to go about it, right?
It is scary for certain - quitting that is - but is it really any scarier than the destruction alcohol is causing on your life now?
It is scary for certain - quitting that is - but is it really any scarier than the destruction alcohol is causing on your life now?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 120
BPD me too
Originally Posted by peacefulfreedom 
hey all...back again. Have done some nasty things to my partner/family/friends/work and pretty much lost most of these now.
I think I have borderline personality disorder unfortunately to compound it.
Smashing headache, begged my boyfriend to take me back again this morning. I completely forgot I said some really really nasty stuff to him..stuff I had promised not to say/do ever again.
I'm... at rock bottom.
I think I have borderline personality disorder unfortunately to compound it.
Smashing headache, begged my boyfriend to take me back again this morning. I completely forgot I said some really really nasty stuff to him..stuff I had promised not to say/do ever again.
I'm... at rock bottom.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Qld
Posts: 23
thanks.... but question
Thanks so much for the replies. You guys are the only reason I've been able to consider to continue living a bit. My mum's partner is a psychiatrist who has informally diagnosed me just by knowing me over a fair bit of time. I know I need to go get a formal diagnosis though. At least that way I might get help right...
But I honestly don't know - I think my borderline is the thing that has destroyed my life, not necessarily the alcohol. I think maybe the alcohol has just kind of acted as a catalyst? Oh.. I don't know. I'm going to counselling next week when all the stuff opens up again after chrissy... I honestly know I'm a crap person. My partner has made it worse too I think because he has seen the brunt of my bad behaviour he now doesn't have any patience left for me. (He never really had a lot in the first place though
- he's not that kind of guy).
I'm in a dark place. I realised the only thing that was keeping me around was my dog. Again. Could never leave her.
But I honestly don't know - I think my borderline is the thing that has destroyed my life, not necessarily the alcohol. I think maybe the alcohol has just kind of acted as a catalyst? Oh.. I don't know. I'm going to counselling next week when all the stuff opens up again after chrissy... I honestly know I'm a crap person. My partner has made it worse too I think because he has seen the brunt of my bad behaviour he now doesn't have any patience left for me. (He never really had a lot in the first place though
- he's not that kind of guy).I'm in a dark place. I realised the only thing that was keeping me around was my dog. Again. Could never leave her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,584
You are not a crap person. 
because you are working at getting well.
Well done on seeing a counsellor next week, and a formal diagnosis a good idea too. Lots of people here with Borderline and they are getting well.
In my view sobriety adds a spiritual (I'm an aetheist) component which should help in transcending and dealing with BPD. Things become simpler.
because you are working at getting well. Well done on seeing a counsellor next week, and a formal diagnosis a good idea too. Lots of people here with Borderline and they are getting well.
In my view sobriety adds a spiritual (I'm an aetheist) component which should help in transcending and dealing with BPD. Things become simpler.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Glad you are here! I am another one who thought alcohol helped to ease my anxiety, however, it really just made it worse.
Spend some time reading and posting, check out the December 2016 class, and Dee will be posting the January 2017 class in a few days, that will be a great place to meet others at the same point in their recovery journey. Also, the 24 hour thread is a great group, everyone checks in daily for accountability, and we a
L checking in and and support each other. Hope to see you posting more!
Spend some time reading and posting, check out the December 2016 class, and Dee will be posting the January 2017 class in a few days, that will be a great place to meet others at the same point in their recovery journey. Also, the 24 hour thread is a great group, everyone checks in daily for accountability, and we a
L checking in and and support each other. Hope to see you posting more!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi and welcome back PeacefulFreedom 
I'm sorry you're so low.
I'm not a doctor of any kind but I do believe that my drinking exacerbated a lot of other problems I had, and I do believe that, whatever else I had to deal with, I ended up an alcoholic.
I am sure your problems will lessen if you get a diagnosis and a treatment plan for BPD...but as a layman, I doubt things will improve too much of you keep drinking.
I had a look back at your old posts - maybe you should do that too?
I know the temptation is to blame anything but our drinking, but please do try and look at it realistically.
D
I'm sorry you're so low.
I'm not a doctor of any kind but I do believe that my drinking exacerbated a lot of other problems I had, and I do believe that, whatever else I had to deal with, I ended up an alcoholic.
I am sure your problems will lessen if you get a diagnosis and a treatment plan for BPD...but as a layman, I doubt things will improve too much of you keep drinking.
I had a look back at your old posts - maybe you should do that too?
I know the temptation is to blame anything but our drinking, but please do try and look at it realistically.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Qld
Posts: 23
thanks Dee
I just re-read my posts from earlier. (Once I discovered I could because you mentioned it). I am so glad I posted here when I did! Wow. So good reading them again. Somehow my past self has given my present self perspective.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Don't just roll with a diagnosis from a family member. Get yourself to your own mental health doc.
But...... don't let mental health issues be a scapegoat that gives you a loophole to keep drinking.
Most often it seems mental health issues and addiction are inextricably interwoven. You can't successfully address one without the other also being seen to.
But the good news is, facing up to both and taking the steps to embrace sobriety and treat whatever mental health issues you may have will give you the opportunity to live a life of abundance, joy, freedom and gratitude.
Which I guarantee is a million times better than living with addiction and other mental health challenges.
But...... don't let mental health issues be a scapegoat that gives you a loophole to keep drinking.
Most often it seems mental health issues and addiction are inextricably interwoven. You can't successfully address one without the other also being seen to.
But the good news is, facing up to both and taking the steps to embrace sobriety and treat whatever mental health issues you may have will give you the opportunity to live a life of abundance, joy, freedom and gratitude.
Which I guarantee is a million times better than living with addiction and other mental health challenges.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Peacefulfreedom -
The primary reason that I don't drink or use is entirely because it encourages/releases my rageful self. Making the choice to quit drinking was primarily to return to control of my emotions.
I have to remind myself of this when many months of sobriety have passed, and I find myself sitting in an AA meeting feeling like I don't share the background to identify as an alcoholic.
Alcohol amplifies my mental health issues. Maybe I'm not an "alcoholic," but if I want to build healthy relationship behavior, I simply cannot drink.
Also, like you, my relationship with my puppy is one of my primary grounding tools. I also do therapy, and participate in the particular 12 step meetings that I feel are supportive/nurturing (which I have found to be women's meetings).
For me, I've found that identifying myself as someone who is "in recovery" from my mental health issues, rather than from drugs and alcohol is feeling most correct. I cannot use drugs and alcohol, in service of my emotional healing, but shifting the focus has felt much more "right" or "authentic" to me. It is a subtle shift in perception, but somehow it makes a difference to me. That shift has supported my quitting smoking in the last week (day 5! unbelievable), and still feeling happy and grounded.
I think you're on the right track! You deserve to be able to love and connect with a beloved without tanking it through impulsive words...
The primary reason that I don't drink or use is entirely because it encourages/releases my rageful self. Making the choice to quit drinking was primarily to return to control of my emotions.
I have to remind myself of this when many months of sobriety have passed, and I find myself sitting in an AA meeting feeling like I don't share the background to identify as an alcoholic.
Alcohol amplifies my mental health issues. Maybe I'm not an "alcoholic," but if I want to build healthy relationship behavior, I simply cannot drink.
Also, like you, my relationship with my puppy is one of my primary grounding tools. I also do therapy, and participate in the particular 12 step meetings that I feel are supportive/nurturing (which I have found to be women's meetings).
For me, I've found that identifying myself as someone who is "in recovery" from my mental health issues, rather than from drugs and alcohol is feeling most correct. I cannot use drugs and alcohol, in service of my emotional healing, but shifting the focus has felt much more "right" or "authentic" to me. It is a subtle shift in perception, but somehow it makes a difference to me. That shift has supported my quitting smoking in the last week (day 5! unbelievable), and still feeling happy and grounded.
I think you're on the right track! You deserve to be able to love and connect with a beloved without tanking it through impulsive words...
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