ReadyAtLast

So today I should be celebrating 4 years of sobriety. But I am not. I am 1 week sober. I quit drinking on 8 Dec 2012 and stupidly picked up again in June this year after 3 1/2 years and have been drinking on and off since.

I can't even remember rightly why just that I was under immense stress and I wanted a drink. But that is no excuse. the point is that I'd lost my way and stopped focusing on my recovery. I genuinely thought I'd never drink again yet I did.

I thought about whether to post this or not and went for it hoping that it helps someone. No matter how much sober time I had I should have been focusing on my recovery and making it a priority.

I can't moderate and no matter how much time I didn't drink it didn't stop the beast from jumping right back in there, full steam ahead.

I was so pleased quitting in December before the holidays-if I could get through that sober I could get through anything. I probably could if i'd stayed committed. Now i'm back to the beginning. I'm committed but it's by no means easy. It's harder in a way as the AV says "well you obviously can't stop so why bother trying now. All that sober time you had and you STILL picked up. why start again?" and on and on it goes.

So for those thinking of drinking after 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or however long you have it really isn't worth it.

The peace of mind I've regained after just 1 week is incredible. I see now just how much I've lost my way over the last 6 months. I'm focusing on my recovery and having plans in place and just taking it a step at a time.

It's not worth it. Thanks for everyone's support here on SR and we can all stay sober.

PhoenixJ

Thoughts, prayers and support to you, RAL. Sh.t happens.

Soberwolf

I commend you on such a great post with you all the way my friend

VibrantQueen

Thank you for that

Deleteda

Hi RAL, you are sounding stronger again Was in the Dec class with you and after reading your post I was thinking how my life would be different if I had gotten and stayed sober then. Many many relapses since then and am back on day 16, I keep trying though keep starting over and trying new things, feeling strong and positive too this time.
Peace X

FreeOwl

Thank you for helping me stay sober today.

Almost three years of sobriety and even still sometimes the random thought of 'maybe just occasionally' will strike me. That is a ridiculous thought and a scary one.....given all my life's evidence and all I've learned. That I can even have those thoughts couples with your tale to assure me that I really can never let my guard down.

Thank you, and may this stumble be shifted to strength for you in a full, deep return to sobriety.

IWalkTheLine

Years ago, can't remember when exactly I'd had 4 months off the drink I was on antabuse, a mate was having a party at one of my old bars (I'd just come back to the country after 3.5 years, 2.5 months out of rehab) I stopped taking with the intention off having a couple of red bull_ vodkas.

This turned into champagne, lager and cocaine binge.

I drank the next morning and lost another 15 years, all from one bad decision! I lost a lot in them years and gained little. I still have my other demons but alcohol has always created the most damage as I never really sobered up, vodka before work etc.

So the last 3 years without alcohol I've accomplished a lot, imagine what I could of done with 18, it's nearly enough to make ya drink to forget about it!

least

I had 20 yrs sober until I started drinking again 9 yrs ago. But I got sober again and it was worth the effort it took.

HelenofTroy

Thank you for sharing this, RAL. I am still in early days but it helps to hear from the veterans to not take my eyes off the ball.

soberclover

Glad you are back!

ChloeRose63

When I think back on the year 2016 (as most people do when the New Year is approaching) it is all bits and pieces. I must have zoned out with my on and off binging that I missed out on the memories. It is sad to me that I wasted a whole year of my life struggling with sobriety. All the 'good times' even though I was there ....I wasn't.
I want to be there in 2017.

MLD51

RAL - thanks for the reminder that we must never let our guard down. I sometimes get a bit complacent. My AV loves that. I can tell I need to get busy working on my sobriety when that voice starts piping up - "You can handle it! Just one!" NO, I can't, not even one. Past history tell me there is no such thing as one.

Thanks for your honesty. These are the things we all need to hear now and then.

Fallow

Hi RAL! Thanks for posting this. That 1st drink really changes everything. I remember well because we had the same sobriety date. Wish I could have held on to it. Now its a date that reminds me I 'could have' stayed sober. Its sad. So hard to start back out on this long journey once you reset yourself. But if anyone can do this we can!

BringingBackB

Thank you Ready At Last for this reminder, and for helping me to stay sober for another day.

Leshar

Thank you for this helpful post. All the best as you embark on your recovery journey.

Midwest1981

thank you for sharing . It really does help everyone.

expat82

I shared a similar story yesterday I had 3 1/2 yrs also and like the book says "it gets worse never better" Thank you for sharing We are never alone but our disease want's us to believe we are! This is an amazing tool the forum and it helps. Thank you for sharing hang in there. STAY WHERE YOUR HANDS ARE and if I don't do anything else right throughout the day I DIDN'T ******* drink and everything is doesn't matter.

Behappy1

Thank you for this! TONS of relapses here it seems. This post as well as the others are such a great reminder. I never realized how strong the AV could be once you get another taste of alcohol in your system again. The more we drink the more powerful and stronger AV becomes. You always here about how you can never take that first drink again. It is so true and I see that now.

CAPTAINZING2000

In all the years I've been sober, I've yet to hear or read about someone turning their life around and doing much better by drinking again.

Thank you again for another reminder

badgerden

Wonderful post old friend,,

Tazzle/badge