So today I should be celebrating 4 years of sobriety. But I am not. I am 1 week sober. I quit drinking on 8 Dec 2012 and stupidly picked up again in June this year after 3 1/2 years and have been drinking on and off since.
I can't even remember rightly why just that I was under immense stress and I wanted a drink. But that is no excuse. the point is that I'd lost my way and stopped focusing on my recovery. I genuinely thought I'd never drink again yet I did.
I thought about whether to post this or not and went for it hoping that it helps someone. No matter how much sober time I had I should have been focusing on my recovery and making it a priority.
I can't moderate and no matter how much time I didn't drink it didn't stop the beast from jumping right back in there, full steam ahead.
I was so pleased quitting in December before the holidays-if I could get through that sober I could get through anything. I probably could if i'd stayed committed. Now i'm back to the beginning. I'm committed but it's by no means easy. It's harder in a way as the AV says "well you obviously can't stop so why bother trying now. All that sober time you had and you STILL picked up. why start again?" and on and on it goes.
So for those thinking of drinking after 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or however long you have it really isn't worth it.
The peace of mind I've regained after just 1 week is incredible. I see now just how much I've lost my way over the last 6 months. I'm focusing on my recovery and having plans in place and just taking it a step at a time.
It's not worth it. Thanks for everyone's support here on SR and we can all stay sober.
