Pressmetilihurt

121 days. I know what happens. I start skipping meetings then I'm not an alcoholic then I drink. Been about 3 weeks since last mtg. I try but I just bounce around with no home.

CAPTAINZING2000

East Oakland
Late Show Group
Rockridge Fellowship
3989 Howe St.//
40th St. Way

West Oakland
Sinking Ship Group
Central Office
295 27th St.//
Valdez St. ©
Closed, Cross-talk

You still have time for these two meetings!

It's better then remorse you get after drinking

D122y

Press,

121 clean is awesome.

Why go back to being a drunk?

I relate to booze giving us something to do, but it is poison.

You have to have a series of things to do to fill your day, tire you out, and make you happy.

Start w SR. Then clean your room. Get breakfast. Do 500 push ups. Do 500 sit ups.

Go to work. Etc etc.

Fill the day w good things.

That is what my sober wife did....I copied her. That is life.

Being a drunk is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.

Thanks.

Dee74

If you're lucky enough to realise you're slipping you can do something about it

There's no need to stay the 'deer in the headlights'...you can take action.

Try some more meetings if you think AA might still be the route for you - or try SMART or Lifering - you''re very well placed in CA for all kinds of recovery meetings

D

Coldfusion

If I did not like my local meetings, I would sure make the effort to travel to at least one meeting a week that I did like. Maybe look into a recovery group other than AA?

january161992

the cool part is youre aware of this

and you know the solution

Anna

I hope you find something that works for you. Congratulations on your recovery!

soberlicious

If this is a pattern for you, then you know what's coming. That's good news, since you can head it off at the pass. The problem with making meetings the thing that keeps you from drinking, is that if the meetings are not there, or you create a reason for them to not be there, then there you are. A ready excuse for drinking. I know lots of people who work the program diligently with very few meetings or f2f at all, so it can be done. I also know lots of people who remain successfully abstinent and happy without using a 12 step program, so that can be done as well.

It looks like you need make a solid plan to deal with this never ending cycle. What else have you looked in to?

freshstart57

What do you mean, you skip meetings then you aren't an alcoholic? What does that have to do with drinking? Or more to the point, about not drinking?

You can make a plan to quit drinking, as in decide to do it, and then do it. It sounds as though you would be better off without any alcohol. What do you think?

Algorithm

Are you saying that only alcoholics can't drink, and that you tend to forget that you are an alcoholic, thereby forgetting that you can't drink? The problem is that anyone can drink, but some people probably shouldn't drink.

What do you think about what Freshstart said about not drinking, as opposed to trying to convince yourself that you can't drink all the time? Might that not simplify things for you?

Berrybean

What do you mean, not finding a 'home'?

I know that after a few months I still felt like a bit of an outsider, even though everyone was friendly enough. Now I can look back an identity some reasons I felt like that....

1) I'd only been going a few months and I wanted / expected to become part of the inner-circle. This was unrealistic - lots of those poeple had known each other for years and years. They were offering me an appropriate way of getting to know them, but for me I my black and white thinking, I should have just been one of them after a few months.

2) I wasn't willing to commit to anything. I didn't help set up or clear up. I didn't want to ask someone to sponsor me. I didn't call people when they gave me their numbers. And I certainly wasn't about to start working on any steps and tell anyone what a **** person I was and all the embarrassing things I'd done, said and thought.

3) I thought going to meetings was 'the program'. I didn't apply the principles to any area of my life. Just like when I used to go to church, but only prayed or thought about God for the hour or so once a week that I was in there. If we want our lives changed by something, then we have to let that thing in, and if that means change, then it means change. I didn't have that willingness to change.

I got gradually more and more depressed and downhearted, but I was a champion "I'm fine"-er and tried to cover up how I was (not) coping. All that meant was that no one was fooled, but I didn't let anyone in to help me. Eventually I hit what I believe was my final rockiest-of-bottoms after being in the rooms sober for 6 months. This was a scary place to be, but the one gift my tsunami of fear, shame and hopelessness brought with it was Willingness. Thankfully, when I changed those things then my experience changed.

I don't know your situation or what you've tried, so maybe none of my personal experience of when I felt that way helps. But all i can share is my experince and hope. Anyway. I hope you find some stuff that you can change, either to do with your AA routine, or in your personal recovery program, that will help.

121 days is still really delicate-early. Give yourself time and more chances. Get to those meetings and try to adjust your expectations of finding a home. Those promises do promise a lot, but a home isn't in there.

Take care.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Misc72

I've been feeling the same way. Going to my SMART meeting tonight and gonna try to find more since I'm feeling these strong urges lately. We can hang in there together. Today is 50 days for me.

Dee74

How's it going Press?

D

tomsteve

maybe its time to stop bouncing around and get a home? pick a group, make it your home group, and do some service work? maybe work the steps,too?

SWTPEA61

Keep coming here we will support you and in the meantime ask around for a really good meeting to attend.....don't drink please😚

SWTPEA61

Congratulations on 50!!!!!!😊

PurpleKnight

If there's a hole in the plan, it's time to plug that hole, it doesn't have to be AA, there are loads of different options for support out there, we just have to find what works for us!!

Hang in there, you can get past this!!

Berrybean

How's it going Press??