Maudcat

Lots of alcoholism in my family, LastDrink. When I drank, I felt I was just playing out my genetic destiny. Meant to be, you know? But it's a genetic predisposition, that's all. Many factors tilt us toward the bottle, genetics being just one. It is possible to put the beast in the box and keep it there. Good luck. Peace.

SoberLeigh

Ditto, Maudcat.

So much alcoholism in both sides of my family, also. LastDrink, as Maudcat said, it is entirely possible to put the beast in the box and keep it there.

Choosing recovery was life-changing for me; it CAN be for you, also. Give the miracle a chance to take shape in your life. You are worth it.

asixstringnut

Lastdrink

I can so relate to your post. I don’t have a wife, or a girlfriend to quit drinking for.
I don’t have any children to quit drinking for. I have two beautiful dogs that love me and believe me they are all that keeps me going somedays.
I ran my business into the ground because of my drinking. I am now 62 and unemployed with no real hope of finding a job again. At least you are only 34 and not 62. You have an income and you could have a future.
I keep trying to quit drinking because I can’t except that this is as good as life will ever be.
So just know you are not alone in this and there are people out there who are way worse off than you are at this very moment.
I had a business that did 3 to 4 million dollars a year. Now it is gone.
Stop now. Don’t wait until you are 62 and look back and say to yourself ” I quit once for a month when I was 34 why did I not stick to it?” Time goes by in a blink of an eye. Don’t let it get away from you.
Enough of my advice. I hope you find a way back to put the bottle down.
I have one day sober right now and I am going on day two. Join me if you would like.

asixstringnut

Dee74

how are you this morning LastDrinks?

D

Hevyn

We care about you, LastDrinks. Please don't give up on making a better life for yourself.

5upersonic

Hope you post again today LastDrink, I'll be looking out for your post.

sobersolstice

Last Drinks,

Your thread resonates with my experiences very well.

I have parents who are alcoholic, and have no support from them apart from myself paying $2k a month for their rent because they are broke. I'm 39, living with a roommate and saving money for my sick mother's funeral as she is sick and doesn't have long to live. I have no siblings, divorced due to drinking, and last year had an alcoholic GF who did the Golden Gate Bridge thing because I broke up with her. Most of my non-drinking and 'normal-drinking' friends won't return my calls, and generally are too busy with wives and kids to do anything. I have no reason to quit but to regain my health and hopefully find someone who cares about me down the road. After reading many threads on this site, it seems most folk in here succeed in recovery when they focus on their own health, regardless of their marital status, etc.

I have been on this site off and on since 2012, and gave attempts at stopping many times. I wrote myself off as a lost cause for a while, but I knew I needed to do something if I didn't want to die a slow, excruciating death. I too am impulsive, ADD, and manic-depressive.

Recently, I've been logging in for hours a day, and have had 30 relapses in the last two months. The only good thing I can say about that is that I wasn't drinking for a little over 1/3 of that time. This gave me a bit of clarity over my situation, and began writing out a plan for triggers, apathy, etc. Dee has some links to very good plan ideas, and yes, it will feel like work... BUT, the work you put into it reminds you that you're doing this for a reason.

Each relapse makes it harder, and in my classic fashion, I learn everything the hard way. I'm just taking an objective approach to it this time with a more organized plan of action.

I hope you are hanging in there.

Misc72

Maybe you don't have the last (pleasure) because of the drinking. Maybe if you stop drinking something else that gives you pleasure will appear. You didn't give it enough time. Your thinking is getting in your way of happiness finding you. What do you want most? A significant other perhaps? A new job? Health? Serenity? Those are all things to work towards, you don't have to already have them to have a reason. Working to attain those things is the reason.

Berrybean

Yes. And once we've knocked the tip of the ice berg we can chisel away at those other problems. We're always going to be a work in progress. Actually that reminds me of Sandy Beach talking about finding who we are beyond our alcoholism as being like chipping away at a block of marble to find the beautiful statue underneath. At first it's really painful, and we're kind of scared about what we might find. But as we start to catch little glimpses of our potential we actually want the process to speed up. We're not bad people trying to get good. We're sick people trying to get well.

Thing is, for me, as painful as dealing with all my crap was, that was a far shorter pain than living with it indefinitely would have been. I'm not saying that the first year of recovery was pleasant. Some of it was really scary and dark. But now life looks pretty beautiful, and I just do the best I can each day and am capable of being content with that.

I hope you decide to smash your iceberg rather than live on it. We're here for you any time you decide to lean into the fear and give it another go.

Take care.

Berrybean

Thanks for sharing that Dee. Sometimes you seem so well it's hard to remember you started off just as sick as the rest of us lol x

madgirl

Sobriety honestly feels soooooo much better. Physically, mentally, emotionally - the differences are profound. That reason alone can be a great motivator - but initially it feels hard/weird/scary/sleepless etc so you have to plow through that part to get to the "feeling really good" part.

When I think about how terrible I used to feel it blows my mind.

Try to set aside that whole "Im not a good person! I am a fraud!" for a bit, and consider how you feel - physically. Hangover/heal up/crave/an hour or so of that buzz/drunkenness/madness/passing out. How does your body feel? Bad, right?

I felt really antsy, craving and sleepless the first six weeks - but really started noticing changes after 100 days. On Nov 15 I will have eight months and the changes are profound.

Please indulge yourself in the purely selfish endeavor of feeling good in your own skin. You can't accomplish/do for others/create/love etc. while very ill.

Dee74

Hope to hear from you again LD

D

Delilah1

I hope you will come back again Last Drinks. Life can and does get better with sobriety. You may not see big changes overnight, but all of those small positive changes start to add up.

You can do this.

Hevyn

We'll be here LD.

LastDrinks

I'd just like to apologise for being such a drama queen in this post now I've had time to come back and re-read over it all. This has been hanging in my sub-conscious for a while.

Negativity like this is the last thing anyone needs on here.

You all are doing/have done, a very hard and admirable journey. It's seriously tough stuff and you should be proud.

It's an amazing thing that strangers can come together, bound by an all-encompassing common denominator, to help provide support, guidance and a helping hand to each other here. In many ways I wish this was reflected in all aspects of life.

Congratulations to everyone knocking off milestones day by day and I hope you keep moving forward.

Dee74

No need for an apology LD.

How are you doing - ready to give not drinking another go yet?

No better place for support & understanding than here

D

PhoenixJ

LD- you post on a place for support to those who are struggling to revcover from drinking. Your words maybe say you are having an argument with yourself. I cannot argue to you about pro's and cons. You know them. What is it you want? To change, find answers- relieve the isolation and boredom- the loneliness, perhaps?

Soberwolf

So glad your here Last x

FreeOwl

Seems to me that your thread's title is dead on; you are giving up. And for that, there is no reason.

Plenty of people face a pile of challenges as bad or worse, yet go on to live sober, happy lives.

Going back to drinking IS the 'giving up', friend.

And it will lead you back to deeper pain and despair than ever.

I hope you make it back to recovery alive.

Suzieq17

Please reconsider and evaluate.

You sound broken. It's only once you realize this, that things will change.

WE ARE ALL BROKEN, THATS HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN. --Hemingway

You are NOT devoid of people that care--we are here for you.