Originally Posted by Panini907

But the eye opener part. Seeing the effects drugs and alcohol have taken on people left me in disbelief. People were begging to stay in, while I wanted to get the hell out. I am no better than any of those people though, no matter how bad their addiction or lives had become. You see, I'm an addict just like the rest of them. Thats the hardest part to admit, and it's very hard to humble myself.

Originally Posted by Panini907

Here I am, in vegas. Right now. Every time I admit it, I cry. I am a manly man. I haven't cried in probably over 10 years. I don't admit defeat, I used to be an aspiring bodybuilder, an aspiring power lifter. But here I am in sin city. I don't live here. Supposedly I live across the country in a state I had never been to, let alone near, since 2.5 years ago.

I haven't drank much tonight, 4 drinks, and on my 5th. Mainly because I don't know what to do (Don't worry I called my employee assistance program).

I called them. As soon as I tried to admit it, I started to cry. But I finally admitted it. Admitted it out loud to someone. You see I went on a 3 day bender Last week. Tuesday through Thursday night, and took it easy Friday. Which I called in Sick that day.

I told myself I wouldn't do it, as I had been two days sober, and wanted vegas to be a good time. Well Saturday I woke up feeling like crap, and went for a run. Still not 100%, I went into work. Wanted to leave so bad. That night I couldn't sleep, so four shots of vodka later boom done. 4 hours later, up for work. It was hell. Then after work left for Vegas. 12 hours later I finally made it.

Took some Advil pm and down to bed I went. I couldn't sleep. 1 am, went and bought three beers. Tried to go to sleep. I couldn't. Went a got another drink, and when I realized I couldn't wake up for the class and sit through it. I called my EAP.

I had to. I can't live this life anymore. I'm scared though. I work with a small group of people, 2 of whom are roommates that like to drink. One of them which I will have to tell.

I am waiting for a call from my EAP to explain the self referral process. Luckily for me, at this point I have let too many people down to turn back and feel I am out of control.

I have only half of a real friendship in my life that I've made in the past 2.5 years. Other than that, no one within a couple thousand miles that would support me. I do have loving parents, and a great older brother though.

Why me? How did I end up like this? What will my coworkers think of me? Where will my life be a year from? So many questions, so sad, and just want to be optimistic. I just got here, but will be leaving today. I can't partake and the things I need to get away from.