Anustart

Through all my other false starts at sobriety I never told my family and friends I was giving up alcohol FOR GOOD. I'd say things like "I'm taking a break" or "I'm letting my liver recover after last weekend" and they wouldn't say anything else about it... usually because it was only a few days after a bender. I did tell a few people about my growing concern about my drinking habits, but I never used the word "alcoholic." That always seemed to me like the genie that, once out, can never be put back in the bottle. But I don't want this to be another false start. I want this to be forever.

Any advice about "coming out," so to speak?

Soberwolf

Hey Nustart I'm an alcoholic too for me as long as you accept like I do that I can't drink alcohol safely responsibly socially or otherwise & work on your recovery you will see what I call an upgrade of self not meaning ego but slowly watching ourselves come back to life health & vitality small miracles happen every day and I love having epiphany's it really is worth it

january161992

hello anustart

i had to become willing to follow direction by implementing a plan of action and to learn that its not forever but one day at a time

Anna

Welcome!

I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking and for me, that was the right thing to do. I had broken my word many times, so I felt that I should just be quiet and do it. My family took notice of the change on their own.

Windancer

Greetings Anustart. I think that being honest with others about your drinking problem is very wise and a great way to have "a new start". lol
It is a very big step forward. Good for you! There is absolutely no shame in recovering from alcoholism. It is a courageous thing to do. I think it's much worse to continue drinking knowing you have a problem and not doing anything to change it (though we have all been there too at one time or another).

Another smart move is posting here on SR . It is a great community with loads of info, support and experience. An excellent tool in your toolbox. Welcome!

Windancer

There is much wisdom in this too As long as you are doing the right things for yourself, I think you are on the right path

Zanna

I didn't tell anyone, same as when I was going for my driving test. I figured I was under enough pressure without people knowing.

Algorithm

I would tell no one. Your recovery is for you to know, and for those previously familiar with your addiction to find out without you telling them. They will probably notice and inquire, if you are serious. Actions vs. words, so to speak.

For anyone not familiar with your addiction, it is best if they never find out that you were ever addicted. There is still discrimination against "addicts" at all levels of society, even against those who no longer drink or use. Society believes that once and addict, always an addict.

That's probably very wise, but telling on yourself will not help you to abstain. No one else can keep you sober, and it will work against you in the long run if you expect this to be so.

Good luck.

entropy1964

To tell or not to tell. A very common question.

I can only share what works for me. You have to decide what works for you. My family knows. They know I'm alcoholic, so why not know I quit? I would never tell work people or associates unless of course its so darn obvious that I need to go to treatment for a length of time.

There are things called 'reservations'. If you're not familiar, those are things that I hang on to, usually unconsciously, that give me a 'reason' or 'justification' to drink. For me they are things like "When my daughter goes away to college in 2.5 years, maybe then" or "If some huge tragedy, the death of my parents for example, happens, well I deserve to drink ". That's sick, I know, but I AM sick.

You mentioned that if you tell your friends and family, the genie is out of the bottle. So? If you are in complete surrender and acceptance that you are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable, who cares? If you have some part of you that intends on stuffing the genie back into the bottle? That is a reservation...and that can lead you back to drinking. Its up to you in the end.

Darwinia

I agree. It all works on one day at a time anyway. Leave the forever, there is no such thing anyway. Just tell people you are taking a break, and then keep extending that break until nobody asks you anymore.

August252015

Personally, it depended on the "who" at first. My parents were intimately involved in every area of my life when I quit (I didn't live with them but otherwise everything overlapped) so they were at the frontline of me (finally) quitting. A very (very) small circle of friends who had been through most of the darkness with me knew. This was an absolute stopping point for me, so telling people was not a problem. I continued to open up to other friends, especially as I started trying to rebuild relationships I'd lost or damaged along the way; this was around 3-4 months.

Now, at going on 8 months, I have a job back in the restaurant where I work and when I asked for it back, laid out my recovery (then at almost 5 mos) to the owner, VP and my now GM. Some people there knew what a big drinker I was and surely thought or knew I had a problem; those close to me know very clearly that I am in recovery. And others, I say a more minor version of my life - things like "I don't drink any more" or simple things that come up in conversation, especially since most of the other staff drinks (and smokes and whatever). Now I find it is no big deal; I have good conversations with several folks who relate bc of their own or a close family member's alcoholism.

My first sponsor told me in no uncertain terms that we never owe anyone the information. It is your decision - we get to decide who and when and what - and we need to be prepared to deal with the good and bad consequences of that, the skepticism, the excitement, the [ ] other people will have for our "news."

And- as the BB says, when we were drinking, we judged ourselves by our intentions while the world judged us by our actions. Action is the key to anyone accepting our true recovery.

Good luck.

Dee74

I told everyone - I didn't want any boltholes to run to, and I was very excited about quittting.

I regret doing that now tho - I think I was looking for comfort and sympathy to a certain extent, but I worried people, and I think that was unnecessary.

As it turned out I didn't hang around my old drinking buds after I quit anyway, and my family were not a large part of my life.

Didn't get much sympathy either

I think I would have done just as well saying nothing.

D

kinzoku

In the end, the only one I needed to come out to was myself.

Hevyn

Very helpful responses . I was so far gone once I quit that everyone was well aware of my struggle - many had written me off. So they all noticed when I began to recover. I kept it rather quiet at first, but once I felt confident that I was actually going to stay off it, I wanted to let people know.

I agree that it's whatever seems right for your particular situation. Nice discussion, Anustart.

SnazzyDresser

I've dealt with this on a need-to-know basis, and so far the only person who needs to know is me.

least

I told my shrink and my dad, and my teenage kids knew, but I told no one else. I let my actions speak for me.

Anustart

Thanks, everyone. I wasn't talking about posting publicly on Facebook or anything, just family and close friends, but maybe I'll keep things to myself for a while. A recurring theme in the responses seemed to be actions, not words, and I like that. Thanks for the responses. I'll keep fighting.

MIRecovery

I told my wife and doctor. I found it a heck of a lot easier to not have to explain myself when I missed drinking events, why I didn't want alcohol in the house. Today I don't shout it from the roof tops but anyone who knows me knows why I don't drink

tursiops999

I told only my husband at first. I had never really tried to quit before, so he was surprised, but it helped me to "out" myself to one key person just to keep it real.

I told my parents at about 10 months, mostly because they were very worried about my sister's drinking and were talking about that with me. I felt like a hypocrite talking about her drinking and not being honest about mine. So I told them, and shared with them a tiny bit of my experience, just to help them understand my sister's situation better. We haven't talked about it again.

So I agree it's a very personal and individual decision. The most important thing is action.

Delilah1

Today is nine months sober for me, and like Anna I didn't tell anyone. I had tried in the past and shared that I was stopping only to start again. My family and close friends noticed on their own. I am also convinced that the wine sales in the surrounding area greatly decreased!