Setting a start date
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 17
Setting a start date
Hey Everyone,
I've been in the "preparatory" phase for a couple months. Starting and stopping and trying to come up with a "plan".
For me in the past "the plan" has always been after a night of drinking. And the reaction/thought is "i gotta quit, i'm gonna do it tomorrow". And after a while the addiction sets in and the whole process begins again.
I know for smoking (which I also do and hate) some people say that setting a "quit date" is the way to go as it prepares you to stop. (I hate it and want nothing more than to stop smoking)
I mainly smoke when i'm drinking and i've set a September 7th "quit" date.
So my question is, should I do that with drinking as well? Set a firm date, so I have some tangible goal in mind?
Any input is much appreciated!
I've been in the "preparatory" phase for a couple months. Starting and stopping and trying to come up with a "plan".
For me in the past "the plan" has always been after a night of drinking. And the reaction/thought is "i gotta quit, i'm gonna do it tomorrow". And after a while the addiction sets in and the whole process begins again.
I know for smoking (which I also do and hate) some people say that setting a "quit date" is the way to go as it prepares you to stop. (I hate it and want nothing more than to stop smoking)
I mainly smoke when i'm drinking and i've set a September 7th "quit" date.
So my question is, should I do that with drinking as well? Set a firm date, so I have some tangible goal in mind?
Any input is much appreciated!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Like the old proverb says - "the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time is today".
I think the best date for anyone is today
Why wait any longer to live the life you want to lead?
D
I think the best date for anyone is today
Why wait any longer to live the life you want to lead?
D
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Originally Posted by mawapril 
some people say that setting a "quit date" is the way to go as it prepares you to stop
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by mawapril
True.
Setting some future date is how "serial relapsers" are born. (Despise the expression, particularly when someone applies it to himself, but find it useful as an explanatory tool.) Missing our quit date sets us up for failure and then, like so many other things when we're drinking, we get used to failing and then, worse, take it on as a character trait rather see it for what it truly is. And the internal motivation begins to wane.
After all, the are no expectations for someone who presents himself as a failure. You only need continue doing what you do best.
Stop now. You really want to get it right the first time, but no one here will turn his back on you if you don't.
some people say that setting a "quit date" is the way to go as it prepares you to stop
Originally Posted by Coldfusion
Don't believe what some people say. Most of those here who have quit drinking will tell you that quitting NOW is the only way top go.
Setting some future date is how "serial relapsers" are born. (Despise the expression, particularly when someone applies it to himself, but find it useful as an explanatory tool.) Missing our quit date sets us up for failure and then, like so many other things when we're drinking, we get used to failing and then, worse, take it on as a character trait rather see it for what it truly is. And the internal motivation begins to wane.
After all, the are no expectations for someone who presents himself as a failure. You only need continue doing what you do best.
Stop now. You really want to get it right the first time, but no one here will turn his back on you if you don't.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 17
I thought that I might hear that NOW was best. I didn't want to hear it, but after reading your responses, I think that it sound like a good idea.
I had made a plan for after Labor day weekend, but i talked to my husband just now, and i think maybe I should stop drinking/smoking before the next couple weeks, instead of waiting to binge out on it then stop.
Thank you for the advice.. Much needed right now.
I don't really know what "a plan" looks like...... people talk about plans, but what do they exist of?
I had made a plan for after Labor day weekend, but i talked to my husband just now, and i think maybe I should stop drinking/smoking before the next couple weeks, instead of waiting to binge out on it then stop.
Thank you for the advice.. Much needed right now.
I don't really know what "a plan" looks like...... people talk about plans, but what do they exist of?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
On the 13th of December, I told a dear friend I was going to quit drinking for good, come the 1st of January. She said, if you really want to quit, why not quit now? I had no reasonable answer. I quit on the 14th of December. Best thing I ever did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi mawapril,
Lost count of how many times I did that. It hasn't ever worked!
I am still on early days but seems different now, and I decided to do it halfway through a drink. It had to be then.
You can do this, you'll find a lot of help and support here.
P
Lost count of how many times I did that. It hasn't ever worked!
I am still on early days but seems different now, and I decided to do it halfway through a drink. It had to be then.
You can do this, you'll find a lot of help and support here.
P
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Hi mawapril, was there any special reason for choosing 7th Sept? - a Wednesday I see. If so then maybe stick with it if it means that you are mentally in the right place. If that date is no big deal then I agree with the others, the sooner the better
My thoughts on giving up smoking are that early recovery from alcohol is stressful so it might be an idea to use it as a crutch for the first 30 days and then quit smoking. I know from personal experience that it is impossible to quit smoking while still drinking
Whatever you decide, good luck
My thoughts on giving up smoking are that early recovery from alcohol is stressful so it might be an idea to use it as a crutch for the first 30 days and then quit smoking. I know from personal experience that it is impossible to quit smoking while still drinking
Whatever you decide, good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
There is a great thread that Dee put together which has links to all the info that you need to think about and draw up a plan...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Remember as you're doing it, that the plan can be adapted as you go along. Things that you learn about can be added in, and things that don't work so well can be replaced by other things. My initial plan was just a starting place really. It wasn't great, but it got me started.
The most basic of plans will be about avoiding the most common triggers - things you ensure are in place on a daily basis to avoid them. So, I might take HALT and think how am I going to plan so I don't get Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. What will I do if I become one of those things unexpectedly. Most of these things will be quite simple changes to your routine .
It is also worth factoring in the, what I call, slippery people, slippery places, and slippery occasions. So my slippery people are my old drinking buddies, my partner when he's drunk (obviously, not possible to completely avoid, but it's amazing the diffrence a good pair of earplugs makes, and I leave him to his own devices after he's had 4 because if he carries on drinking from there I know how it'll go, even if he doesn't ) and my dad as well at first (I've now found a little more acceptance around him, but I do need prepare myself well mentally for seeing him). Places for me were (not so much now) pubs, bars, parties. For people who buy booze for home drinking it might be the supermarket, esp the aisle when the booze is, so they might ensure they shop with someone who knows they're not drinking, or get home delivery for a while, or delegate the shopping to another member of the household. Again. Small changes, but it's all safeguarding - a bit like writing a risk assessment. And if you're stuck with ideas of how to deal with a certain situation you can always ask for ideas on here. As unique as we tend to think we are when we start this journey, we tend to find that others who have walked the path ahead of us have dealt with the same things we're struggling with. This is why AA is such a comfort as well. As far as slippery events, that might be escape plans for leaving early or taking a break; what non-alciholic beverage you intend to drink (bar-shelf-gazing is never comfortable, so having an advance idea saves that awkwardness); the reason you might give if someone asks why you're not drinking alcohol (rehearsing saying it so it trips off the tongue with confidence can help); I also like to have some diversion-questions in my head for my slippery people, ready for some brisk subject-changjng if they start getting a little insistent or personal for my liking. It's worth getting to be a bit of a girl-scout with being prepared for this stuff. For example, Firework night and Christmas now involve some volunteering on my part so that I feel part of things in the community without going to the pub and getting ****-faced, and that involves a but of forward planning for me which will start soon. But a lot of that is because I know my partner will be drinking or drunk for most of it, so volunteering addresses the Lonely part of HALT for me. Besides. It was fun last year.
On a daily basis my plan included prayer, meditation, talking to other alcoholics in recovery, doing the 'next right thing', making living amends to people who were effected by my drinking, reading recovery literature (Sometimes AA, sometimes not) going to meetings some days (about three a week on average ) and doing 12-step work, ie. sponsoring another alcoholic in AA and helping out at meetings.
Anyway. Some of this stuff might seem a bit random to you at the moment. Or that there's a lot of it. But to be honest, it never tales very long. Certainly not as long as drinking and getting over drinking, and planning the next lot of drinking used to take up.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Remember as you're doing it, that the plan can be adapted as you go along. Things that you learn about can be added in, and things that don't work so well can be replaced by other things. My initial plan was just a starting place really. It wasn't great, but it got me started.
The most basic of plans will be about avoiding the most common triggers - things you ensure are in place on a daily basis to avoid them. So, I might take HALT and think how am I going to plan so I don't get Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. What will I do if I become one of those things unexpectedly. Most of these things will be quite simple changes to your routine .
It is also worth factoring in the, what I call, slippery people, slippery places, and slippery occasions. So my slippery people are my old drinking buddies, my partner when he's drunk (obviously, not possible to completely avoid, but it's amazing the diffrence a good pair of earplugs makes, and I leave him to his own devices after he's had 4 because if he carries on drinking from there I know how it'll go, even if he doesn't ) and my dad as well at first (I've now found a little more acceptance around him, but I do need prepare myself well mentally for seeing him). Places for me were (not so much now) pubs, bars, parties. For people who buy booze for home drinking it might be the supermarket, esp the aisle when the booze is, so they might ensure they shop with someone who knows they're not drinking, or get home delivery for a while, or delegate the shopping to another member of the household. Again. Small changes, but it's all safeguarding - a bit like writing a risk assessment. And if you're stuck with ideas of how to deal with a certain situation you can always ask for ideas on here. As unique as we tend to think we are when we start this journey, we tend to find that others who have walked the path ahead of us have dealt with the same things we're struggling with. This is why AA is such a comfort as well. As far as slippery events, that might be escape plans for leaving early or taking a break; what non-alciholic beverage you intend to drink (bar-shelf-gazing is never comfortable, so having an advance idea saves that awkwardness); the reason you might give if someone asks why you're not drinking alcohol (rehearsing saying it so it trips off the tongue with confidence can help); I also like to have some diversion-questions in my head for my slippery people, ready for some brisk subject-changjng if they start getting a little insistent or personal for my liking. It's worth getting to be a bit of a girl-scout with being prepared for this stuff. For example, Firework night and Christmas now involve some volunteering on my part so that I feel part of things in the community without going to the pub and getting ****-faced, and that involves a but of forward planning for me which will start soon. But a lot of that is because I know my partner will be drinking or drunk for most of it, so volunteering addresses the Lonely part of HALT for me. Besides. It was fun last year.
On a daily basis my plan included prayer, meditation, talking to other alcoholics in recovery, doing the 'next right thing', making living amends to people who were effected by my drinking, reading recovery literature (Sometimes AA, sometimes not) going to meetings some days (about three a week on average ) and doing 12-step work, ie. sponsoring another alcoholic in AA and helping out at meetings.
Anyway. Some of this stuff might seem a bit random to you at the moment. Or that there's a lot of it. But to be honest, it never tales very long. Certainly not as long as drinking and getting over drinking, and planning the next lot of drinking used to take up.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
No time is easier than any other.
I quit in June and if you would have asked me at the time, I would've told you June was the worst month to quit because it's the beginning of summer. Then the fall came and the weather became crisp and the evenings dark and I would've said that fall was definitely harder than summer. I pictured wrapping a blanket around me and sitting on the porch, drinking by a jack-o-lantern.
The holidays came and I thought that was the hardest time. Definitely Christmas Eve and then New Years of course. Then my birthday was coming up in February. Then spring break and the weather getting warmer. Perhaps spring was the hardest. Memorial Day barbecue?
Are we back to June already?
There is never a perfect time quit.
There will always be something in the near future that will present itself as a good time for the last hurrah.
How much more time are you willing to waste drinking and hungover?
I quit in June and if you would have asked me at the time, I would've told you June was the worst month to quit because it's the beginning of summer. Then the fall came and the weather became crisp and the evenings dark and I would've said that fall was definitely harder than summer. I pictured wrapping a blanket around me and sitting on the porch, drinking by a jack-o-lantern.
The holidays came and I thought that was the hardest time. Definitely Christmas Eve and then New Years of course. Then my birthday was coming up in February. Then spring break and the weather getting warmer. Perhaps spring was the hardest. Memorial Day barbecue?
Are we back to June already?
There is never a perfect time quit.
There will always be something in the near future that will present itself as a good time for the last hurrah.
How much more time are you willing to waste drinking and hungover?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
There is some good info on plans here mawapril:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Mawapril. I know that crossing that threshold sounds scary, I felt that way too. But in retrospect the thing I was holding onto so tightly was the thing that was making me miserable.
Quitting drinking is so not about what you are leaving behind, it isall about the possibilities that you are opening up. When I got sober I listened to the people here who promised me that life would get better and it did.
Continuing to drink after you realize you have a problem isn't fun, and our perspective usually is quite skewed because we get used to living in immediate gratification. I know I had built my life up around protecting my drinking, it wasn't until after I quit that I realized how much it owned me. When I look back now it is with astonishment that I tortured myself for so long. Early on I could almost physically feel my brain trying to hang onto what it had gotten used to, the part of my brain that sought immediate gratification had gotten bold, while the part of my brain that was prudent had become a tiny whisper. But I think all active alcoholics have that whisper that acknowledges how much we are hurting ourselves.
As human beings we are wired to protect habits and breaking patterns is not easy. Knowing I was going to be uncomfortable and anxious helped me to ride out the strangeness of doing things differently.
I read somewhere once that if it feels like a warm bath in early sobriety it probably is the wrong choice. Taking a left when you are used to taking a right feels downright wrong at first, our brain fights to hang onto the way it is.
I have heard Dee say sobriety is not an event, it is a decision. I think it is a series of decisions you begin to make, minute by minute at first. But as new habits form sobriety becomes almost effortless. You aren't giving something up, it is not that you "can't drink", it is that you "don't" drink. I went from feeling adrift and lost to now knowing that I am capable of determining the direction I want to go. Make today the day you listen to that whisper that tells you there is another way!
Quitting drinking is so not about what you are leaving behind, it isall about the possibilities that you are opening up. When I got sober I listened to the people here who promised me that life would get better and it did.
Continuing to drink after you realize you have a problem isn't fun, and our perspective usually is quite skewed because we get used to living in immediate gratification. I know I had built my life up around protecting my drinking, it wasn't until after I quit that I realized how much it owned me. When I look back now it is with astonishment that I tortured myself for so long. Early on I could almost physically feel my brain trying to hang onto what it had gotten used to, the part of my brain that sought immediate gratification had gotten bold, while the part of my brain that was prudent had become a tiny whisper. But I think all active alcoholics have that whisper that acknowledges how much we are hurting ourselves.
As human beings we are wired to protect habits and breaking patterns is not easy. Knowing I was going to be uncomfortable and anxious helped me to ride out the strangeness of doing things differently.
I read somewhere once that if it feels like a warm bath in early sobriety it probably is the wrong choice. Taking a left when you are used to taking a right feels downright wrong at first, our brain fights to hang onto the way it is.
I have heard Dee say sobriety is not an event, it is a decision. I think it is a series of decisions you begin to make, minute by minute at first. But as new habits form sobriety becomes almost effortless. You aren't giving something up, it is not that you "can't drink", it is that you "don't" drink. I went from feeling adrift and lost to now knowing that I am capable of determining the direction I want to go. Make today the day you listen to that whisper that tells you there is another way!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Hi Mawapril,
Welcome. First, I've read in a behavioural psychology book that it can make sense to set a date but not more than a few days away. I used that as part of my plan to stop smoking 8 years ago (2-3 pack a day habit). However, everyone's advice above is something I support though, and that is because it is far too easy to keep moving your start date. Especially if your start date is set to be after a planned drinking event (part, concert, etc.).
Best of luck.
Welcome. First, I've read in a behavioural psychology book that it can make sense to set a date but not more than a few days away. I used that as part of my plan to stop smoking 8 years ago (2-3 pack a day habit). However, everyone's advice above is something I support though, and that is because it is far too easy to keep moving your start date. Especially if your start date is set to be after a planned drinking event (part, concert, etc.).
Best of luck.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by mawapril
I had made a plan for after Labor day weekend, but i talked to my husband just now, and i think maybe I should stop drinking/smoking before the next couple weeks, instead of waiting to binge out on it then stop.
Why not quit NOW? What are you waiting for?
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