An unexpected bump in the road
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((Suze)))
I'm sorry that you had to deal with the scariest parts mostly by yourself, but am proud that you did reach out to your best person when you did. That must have been a very tough day.
I'm happy to hear that your lungs are clear, and i agree with Dee that the rest sounds very hopeful...we won't accept less!
We can get through anything..and learning
to tap in to your inner peace, and trust in your hp is the key to doing so.
Love you and so excited about your trip to the states!
I'm sorry that you had to deal with the scariest parts mostly by yourself, but am proud that you did reach out to your best person when you did. That must have been a very tough day.
I'm happy to hear that your lungs are clear, and i agree with Dee that the rest sounds very hopeful...we won't accept less!
We can get through anything..and learning
to tap in to your inner peace, and trust in your hp is the key to doing so.
Love you and so excited about your trip to the states!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, my friend.
So, so sorry about what you are going through.
I think it's so natural and human to have this desire to hide somewhere from pain - and it's a dangerous myth that unless one faces all the crap in life like a gladiator in the area he or she can't be considerate an " real grown up" .
You are so brave to go through this and being able to write about this without panic and dramatics.
I am sending huge hugs to you.
And I hope some day I'll buy a ticket to Australia and you'll show me around this beautiful place.
Thinking of you.
So, so sorry about what you are going through.
I think it's so natural and human to have this desire to hide somewhere from pain - and it's a dangerous myth that unless one faces all the crap in life like a gladiator in the area he or she can't be considerate an " real grown up" .
You are so brave to go through this and being able to write about this without panic and dramatics.
I am sending huge hugs to you.
And I hope some day I'll buy a ticket to Australia and you'll show me around this beautiful place.
Thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
something to add:
when i was diagnosed and told the 1st action was going to be surgery to carve the cancer out of my back and remove all the lymph nodes under my left arm( i never heard of a lymph node until then! yeah, lymph node talk didnt come up at the bar much.
)
and then scheduled that surgery......6 weeks later....
W.......T......H!?!?!?!
sheeweee did i have to learn about patience!!
then a few months later getting a PET scan( I dont care how they flavor that barium, it just makes it taste like moccha or berry crap!), tellin me the cancer was back and going crazy, and saying the only option(at that time) was chemo in the hospital.......scheduled to start 3 weeks later..
W....T...H!?!?!?!
not only patience but i learned it was best for me to let God and the doctors do what theyndo best and keep my nose out of it.
WHAT AN ORDER!!!!!
patience- its not about what im doing while waiting, but what im thinkin.
if ya figure that out, PLEASE share how!!!! LOLOLOLO
i gotta find some humor in it. if i dont ill go crazy......er!!!
when i was diagnosed and told the 1st action was going to be surgery to carve the cancer out of my back and remove all the lymph nodes under my left arm( i never heard of a lymph node until then! yeah, lymph node talk didnt come up at the bar much.
)and then scheduled that surgery......6 weeks later....
W.......T......H!?!?!?!
sheeweee did i have to learn about patience!!
then a few months later getting a PET scan( I dont care how they flavor that barium, it just makes it taste like moccha or berry crap!), tellin me the cancer was back and going crazy, and saying the only option(at that time) was chemo in the hospital.......scheduled to start 3 weeks later..
W....T...H!?!?!?!
not only patience but i learned it was best for me to let God and the doctors do what theyndo best and keep my nose out of it.
WHAT AN ORDER!!!!!
patience- its not about what im doing while waiting, but what im thinkin.
if ya figure that out, PLEASE share how!!!! LOLOLOLO
i gotta find some humor in it. if i dont ill go crazy......er!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Suze, like TomSteve, fighting fear when my husband and I both had cancer at the same time over the past two years, was the biggest obstacles of all and the only one I could control.
I couldn't control the outcome, and at one time it was scary thinking we both might die. I couldn't control the treatment or surgeries, whatever they decided at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world, was okay with me.
So it was me and fear, showdown face to face, and a couple of things helped me. I carried a day book, I had to in order to keep track of all our appointments and treatments...and on the very first page I wrote "Be still and know that I am God." It was my reminder to myself that God had this covered and whatever the outcome, I would be okay with it.
The other was to remind myself "I'm not going to die today" and then get on with my life and living it well.
Live your life well, Suze, leave fear in your dust. However this unfolds, you WILL be okay. Remind yourself of that and then enjoy each day.
Hugs
I couldn't control the outcome, and at one time it was scary thinking we both might die. I couldn't control the treatment or surgeries, whatever they decided at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world, was okay with me.
So it was me and fear, showdown face to face, and a couple of things helped me. I carried a day book, I had to in order to keep track of all our appointments and treatments...and on the very first page I wrote "Be still and know that I am God." It was my reminder to myself that God had this covered and whatever the outcome, I would be okay with it.
The other was to remind myself "I'm not going to die today" and then get on with my life and living it well.
Live your life well, Suze, leave fear in your dust. However this unfolds, you WILL be okay. Remind yourself of that and then enjoy each day.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Originally Posted by Ann 
Suze, like TomSteve, fighting fear when my husband and I both had cancer at the same time over the past two years, was the biggest obstacles of all and the only one I could control.
I couldn't control the outcome, and at one time it was scary thinking we both might die. I couldn't control the treatment or surgeries, whatever they decided at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world, was okay with me.
So it was me and fear, showdown face to face, and a couple of things helped me. I carried a day book, I had to in order to keep track of all our appointments and treatments...and on the very first page I wrote "Be still and know that I am God." It was my reminder to myself that God had this covered and whatever the outcome, I would be okay with it.
The other was to remind myself "I'm not going to die today" and then get on with my life and living it well.
Live your life well, Suze, leave fear in your dust. However this unfolds, you WILL be okay. Remind yourself of that and then enjoy each day.
Hugs
I couldn't control the outcome, and at one time it was scary thinking we both might die. I couldn't control the treatment or surgeries, whatever they decided at one of the best cancer hospitals in the world, was okay with me.
So it was me and fear, showdown face to face, and a couple of things helped me. I carried a day book, I had to in order to keep track of all our appointments and treatments...and on the very first page I wrote "Be still and know that I am God." It was my reminder to myself that God had this covered and whatever the outcome, I would be okay with it.
The other was to remind myself "I'm not going to die today" and then get on with my life and living it well.
Live your life well, Suze, leave fear in your dust. However this unfolds, you WILL be okay. Remind yourself of that and then enjoy each day.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
MY sweet and thoughtful friend, what great news already! Not metastatic in the lung. God is already answering prayers for you. I can understand why you have fear and I can certainly understand your reaction in the hospital. I am thankful you have so many dear and caring friends here who are here for you and will carry you through no matter what the answer turns out to be. The fact that it is not clear is a positive sign IMHO.
I will continue to keep you n my prayers and want to tell you how proud I am of you for coming to us and telling us not only what is going on but how you are feeling and handling this because it is all important. I think you are courageous and strong, much stronger than you realize. I love Dee's quotes and will write them down myself. Love you (((Suze))) and care greatly for you. I have tears just writing this to you. XO
I will continue to keep you n my prayers and want to tell you how proud I am of you for coming to us and telling us not only what is going on but how you are feeling and handling this because it is all important. I think you are courageous and strong, much stronger than you realize. I love Dee's quotes and will write them down myself. Love you (((Suze))) and care greatly for you. I have tears just writing this to you. XO
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Suze, I'm just reading this now. So many comforting and helpful things have been said. What a wonderful group of friends. I'm sorry you felt so frightened and alone - but you rose above the fear. I'll add my prayers to all the rest. 
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
((((Suze)))) you're one tough cookie-cat.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. The love present shows just what a special lady you are!
Lean on us and take us with you......our spirit will walk beside you .....as you have walked with us on our difficult times.
Love you lots xxxxx
I'm sorry for what you're going through. The love present shows just what a special lady you are!
Lean on us and take us with you......our spirit will walk beside you .....as you have walked with us on our difficult times.
Love you lots xxxxx
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Hang in there Suze.
We both know it's normal to want to get loaded when life gets tough. And we both know that's not what you want.
I have watched people in recovery go through everything imaginable and have witnessed tremendous acts of courage in the face of adversity. One of my closest friends in recovery has stage 4 small cell lung cancer. Yet he doesn't use and faces his disease in a manner that I find humbling to watch.
Over an over people like you demonstrate that we can be OK no matter what happens just as long as we don't get loaded.
Sending you love from the land of the Yanks.
We both know it's normal to want to get loaded when life gets tough. And we both know that's not what you want.
I have watched people in recovery go through everything imaginable and have witnessed tremendous acts of courage in the face of adversity. One of my closest friends in recovery has stage 4 small cell lung cancer. Yet he doesn't use and faces his disease in a manner that I find humbling to watch.
Over an over people like you demonstrate that we can be OK no matter what happens just as long as we don't get loaded.
Sending you love from the land of the Yanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
I am overwhelmed by all of your beautiful and caring responses. And I am going to read them all again; there is a lot of love and wisdom here...I need to soak it all in. s
The thing is, as Dee pointed out, and others....I am not going to die. I did not realise that the news I got meant what it meant. I know that sounds dumb....but the doctor never said congratulations, you don't have cancer. So although I still might, I am going to survive it. Maybe minus a finger (still not happy about that), but hey, that's amazing....it is, right?
So now my focus shifts to staying strong and healthy, and making sure I use all of the tools I have to stay positive in the next two weeks. And possibly after that. And I have so much help, so I know I can do this.
I am going to continue listening to speaker tapes...that was so wonderful last night. And I will keep talking....I have a tendency to shut down emotionally, and if I am here, well, I can't do that.
Thank you all so very much. ♥
sThe thing is, as Dee pointed out, and others....I am not going to die. I did not realise that the news I got meant what it meant. I know that sounds dumb....but the doctor never said congratulations, you don't have cancer. So although I still might, I am going to survive it. Maybe minus a finger (still not happy about that), but hey, that's amazing....it is, right?
So now my focus shifts to staying strong and healthy, and making sure I use all of the tools I have to stay positive in the next two weeks. And possibly after that. And I have so much help, so I know I can do this.
I am going to continue listening to speaker tapes...that was so wonderful last night. And I will keep talking....I have a tendency to shut down emotionally, and if I am here, well, I can't do that.
Thank you all so very much. ♥
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hang in there, Venuscat! I'm sending good thoughts your way. I can't add much beyond the advice and support you've already been given. I can only say that when faced with the specter of death, anything short of death is a win! The prospect of losing a finger is obviously not wonderful but I'd rather live with nine of 'em than be buried with all ten!
Just remember that you have a deep reservoir of strength within that you may not even know you have. After the fight against booze you know you have it in you to fight and win!
I'm sending good thoughts your way. I can't add much beyond the advice and support you've already been given. I can only say that when faced with the specter of death, anything short of death is a win! The prospect of losing a finger is obviously not wonderful but I'd rather live with nine of 'em than be buried with all ten!Just remember that you have a deep reservoir of strength within that you may not even know you have. After the fight against booze you know you have it in you to fight and win!
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