An unexpected bump in the road
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
An unexpected bump in the road
Many of you know me...I have been here for a long time, and SR is as much my home as anywhere I live. I love being here.
Although the initial reason I came here was desperation, I have stayed for love, friendship, support and a shared commitment to making our lives better, one day at a time.
Like many of us, I have had to deal with a lot in the past few years since I began this journey. Things that were hard, things that were devastating, and life events that would have occurred whether or not I was drinking.
I learned that we can get through anything sober. Anything. And that has been a powerful and incredibly useful life lesson. Sometimes though, it feels like God is giving us more than we can bear. That's how I feel right now.
I have a history of bone tumors in my right hand (index finger). My last surgery was January '15. In the past few months, I haven't been well and there have been changes in my finger. Long story short(er), I had an MRI and the results were not clear. I then had a needle biopsy and the results were still not clear. They were concerned that the tumor was malignant, a Chondrosarcoma. I have had a bad chest infection that wouldn't get better, and this thing metastasises in the lungs, so they wanted to do a chest series, and another MRI of my finger from a different angle.
Fast forward to me hiding in a bathroom at the hospital calling an SR friend on Skype to talk me down....I was so scared. That was an awful day. But I got through it...not gracefully at all, but apparently that's OK.
I got the results yesterday. Sort of. The good news is no tumors in my lungs. Yey. The bad news is that between two orthopaedic surgeons and one oncologist, they cannot agree that this is one thing or the other. So right now, I have to have another MRI in two weeks. If they do not "like" what they see, and the tumor is in fact changing and growing, then I have to have surgery to amputate (my finger) immediately and would then begin radiation treatment.
Not fun.
If the tumor hasn't changed, then they will need to check it a few more times, but I get to keep my finger unless/until it shatters (they can't rebuild it again). This would be a very good deal, and this is what I am hoping for.
I was a wreck yesterday....I cannot (do not want to) tell you what a bad place I was in...I hid from the person I am closest to in the world.
Today I needed to decide if I was going to face this, or run. And I guess my running days are over.
I have plans.....I recently bought a plane ticket to go to the US. I have amazing SR friends I need to meet. I may need to alter my departure date, but I want to go on my trip.
This just has to be OK.
And no matter how scared I am, I need to/intend to keep my faith.
I might need a bit of help though. ♥
Although the initial reason I came here was desperation, I have stayed for love, friendship, support and a shared commitment to making our lives better, one day at a time.
Like many of us, I have had to deal with a lot in the past few years since I began this journey. Things that were hard, things that were devastating, and life events that would have occurred whether or not I was drinking.
I learned that we can get through anything sober. Anything. And that has been a powerful and incredibly useful life lesson. Sometimes though, it feels like God is giving us more than we can bear. That's how I feel right now.
I have a history of bone tumors in my right hand (index finger). My last surgery was January '15. In the past few months, I haven't been well and there have been changes in my finger. Long story short(er), I had an MRI and the results were not clear. I then had a needle biopsy and the results were still not clear. They were concerned that the tumor was malignant, a Chondrosarcoma. I have had a bad chest infection that wouldn't get better, and this thing metastasises in the lungs, so they wanted to do a chest series, and another MRI of my finger from a different angle.
Fast forward to me hiding in a bathroom at the hospital calling an SR friend on Skype to talk me down....I was so scared. That was an awful day. But I got through it...not gracefully at all, but apparently that's OK.
I got the results yesterday. Sort of. The good news is no tumors in my lungs. Yey. The bad news is that between two orthopaedic surgeons and one oncologist, they cannot agree that this is one thing or the other. So right now, I have to have another MRI in two weeks. If they do not "like" what they see, and the tumor is in fact changing and growing, then I have to have surgery to amputate (my finger) immediately and would then begin radiation treatment.
Not fun.
If the tumor hasn't changed, then they will need to check it a few more times, but I get to keep my finger unless/until it shatters (they can't rebuild it again). This would be a very good deal, and this is what I am hoping for.
I was a wreck yesterday....I cannot (do not want to) tell you what a bad place I was in...I hid from the person I am closest to in the world.
Today I needed to decide if I was going to face this, or run. And I guess my running days are over.
I have plans.....I recently bought a plane ticket to go to the US. I have amazing SR friends I need to meet. I may need to alter my departure date, but I want to go on my trip.
This just has to be OK.
And no matter how scared I am, I need to/intend to keep my faith.
I might need a bit of help though. ♥
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi Suze
I think it's a very good thing that they can tell you it hasn't metastasised.
That just leaves the problem whatever it is in the finger, right?
I also am taking solace that noone seems to agree on what it is.
Big bad things seem to be like they'd be obvious....
Right now this minute you're still dealing with what you've been dealing with all this year.
The rest is fear.
I get the fear - I've had it myself - and it's ok to be scared...just don't let it rule you.
All the things you want to do - keep those plans active - you're gonna get there.
This is one of my favourite quotes:
that and the everything will be ok one:
You're not alone - you have a battalion of strength with you now
D
I think it's a very good thing that they can tell you it hasn't metastasised.
That just leaves the problem whatever it is in the finger, right?
I also am taking solace that noone seems to agree on what it is.
Big bad things seem to be like they'd be obvious....
Right now this minute you're still dealing with what you've been dealing with all this year.
The rest is fear.
I get the fear - I've had it myself - and it's ok to be scared...just don't let it rule you.
All the things you want to do - keep those plans active - you're gonna get there.
This is one of my favourite quotes:
that and the everything will be ok one:
You're not alone - you have a battalion of strength with you now
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Fear....anger...self-pity....all of these are in play.
And yes, I am not afraid I am going to die now. That's huge...I WILL be OK one way or the other.
I am very afraid of what may be ahead though, and like a petulant child, I want to hide in the closet until the boogeyman goes away.
And like an alcoholic, I want to drink.
That's not going to happen though.
That's the one thing I can control.
The fear and faith quote is MAGIC. Thank you. The second quote is of course my favourite of yours....and it is always, always true.
Thank you. ♥
And yes, I am not afraid I am going to die now. That's huge...I WILL be OK one way or the other.
I am very afraid of what may be ahead though, and like a petulant child, I want to hide in the closet until the boogeyman goes away.
And like an alcoholic, I want to drink.
That's not going to happen though.
That's the one thing I can control.
The fear and faith quote is MAGIC. Thank you. The second quote is of course my favourite of yours....and it is always, always true.
Thank you.
♥
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I'm not going to tell you it's wrong to do those things (with the exception of drinking...gotta draw the line somewhere 
....)
but it would be a shame to live your life like that for too long, Suze.
The world is still very much your oyster
D
....)but it would be a shame to live your life like that for too long, Suze.
The world is still very much your oyster
D
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Hi Venuscat... Sorry to hear this news. I do hear a lot of hope in there. And I am happy you will see your SR friends. We are a lovely bunch and I treasure everyone here and you! It is a home for me as well.
Ken
Ken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
^^^ ...."leaning into the fear"
What an awesome image....we can try to shield ourselves, or we can lean in and brave the storm head on.
You're amazing. Thank you.
What an awesome image....we can try to shield ourselves, or we can lean in and brave the storm head on.
You're amazing. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Oh my gosh Berry ~ this is awesome. This is music to my soul. And oh yeah, he is funny. I haven't listened to him for so long...how did I forget to do this?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Funny isn't it - the things we suddenly seem to forget to do. I have a cheap little mp3 player in my car with a selection on. Keeps me sane in the workday commutes. But in the hols I rarely listen in. I should though.
Earl Hightower is another favourite of mine.
Earl Hightower is another favourite of mine.
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