sweetichick

I only seem to be able to go 3 to 4 days without a relapse. I keep fighting with my boyfriend who is very abusive and need to recover from that. I'm having problems with my parents. I have a mental illness. I just don't think I've got what it takes to make sobriety. I get so lonely and depressed. Why am I posting then? Maybe someone can convince me it is possible. I can't get through the cravings; nothing is working for me. I've tryed AA and just get bored with endless meetings. If I keep drinking I'm dead for sure; maybe I'm a hopeless case.

Soberwolf

It is possible that I promise you

sweetichick

How it is possible to get through all the pain and hurt sober? Maybe I'm just a weakling.

Nonsensical

Of course you can. You just haven't YET.

That can be very discouraging, and I know that from experience. I thought I was hopeless. I even bought additional life and liability insurance to protect my family from the ultimate ruin my drinking would bring.

Thing is, it was all just a big lie my addiction was telling me. My biggest flaw wasn't having an addiction. My biggest flaw was believing the lies it told me.

You can do this. Rootin' for ya!

MacW

Because if you are sober, you do indeed get through the pain and hurt, as hard as it will be to do.

If you are not sober, you are just sidestepping it. It will still be there waiting for you to overcome somewhere down the road.

I like to think of these things as skeletons in cupboards. You can only keep so many of those cupboards closed at one time. When you are not sober, you can't empty any cupboards, so the number of skeletons mounts up. They start letting themselves out and making your life hell sober or not.

sweetichick

Hey Nonsensical, That would be something I would do for my family if I had one. If you were not hopeless, then maybe I am not. Thanks for sharing.

sweetichick

Hey Macw, I feel like I'm overwhelmed by skeletons dropping out at me. I must admit even when drinking they still bother me. What's the solution? Punch them out one by one. My mother's good at reminding me of them when I just want to leave it in the past.

MacW

I'm afraid I only know the theory, just like you, I have a problem with dealing with them.

I do know on the few occasions in the past when I have stayed sober long enough to deal with some of them, it has been a big relief.

Problem is, the sidestep option is so much easier on a day to day basis, right up until the point you have far to many skeletons to keep hidden in cupboards. Then all hell breaks loose.

Rest assured though, if I ever develop the skills to empty all my cupboards of skeletons, I will tell you how I did it. Emptied a few in the last couple of days, now I've been sober and gotten over withdrawal.

JD

I used to think I couldn't get through all the pain in my life. The truth is I wasn't getting through them I was just pushing them to the side and they built up and got worse. It takes awhile, but with sobriety the problems are still there but you can begin to get through them. Some of them are difficult and painful but by chipping away at them they do get better or you remove them. You can do this! Just have faith and get through more than a week of sobriety.

sweetichick

Thanks MacW, Maybe it is possible to slowly empty the skeletons. OMG I have so many. Thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot. And I read your story about your last $20; not pretty.

sweetichick

Thanks JD, I'll try for a week and see if I can get through it. That's a great idea. I'm sure I don't have any pain or hurt worse than others in the world.

tomsteve

did you work the steps of aa?

them steps worked great for me. i no longer regret the past and the past no longer haunts me.
i dont hate myself anymore either.

sweetichick

Hey Tomsteve, I worked on steps 1 to 3 and step 4 was like unleashing a volcano. So I left it at step 4. Maybe I just need a good sponsor. I'm willing to try anything.

MacW

The $20 thing was actually pretty positive. It's now sitting in my wallet as a constant reminder of all the things my drinking habit has cost me. So if it stops me from buying a drink, it's well worth it.

I think you are on the right track, you see the problems, you realize you need to get straight, and fix them.

I've been listening to a lot of AA speaker recordings lately, and something many of them speak about is "finding bottom". It's easy to think your bottom is the day your life is at its worst. But these AA guys, they say no, that's not right. The day you find bottom, is the day you finally admit to yourself you have a problem, and reach out for help. Something you have done, so I have great faith that you will eventually be OK.

A bad day sober is better than a good day drunk I think. Something I have only recently come to realize.

On The Road

Sweetichick - sober or drunk, life is going to present each of us with good things and bad things to deal with. The good news is that we can make choices in how we handle both, especially the bad:

1. Relationships - if they are harmful, we have to choice to end them, repair ourselves, and move on.

2. Parents - I don't know anyone who doesn't have some sort of issue here. Once again, we have choices in how we interact with them. And can limit our time if they are truly bad people.

3. Mental illness - therapy and doctors. And following their advice and medications (if applicable).

4. Alcoholism - we have to make a plan to deal with it and live up to that plan, no matter how hard it gets at times.

It's really about each one of us making choices that help us change for the better.

I wish you the best!

sweetichick

Hey Macw, That's what I need to do; listen to AA speakers. Berrybean left a whole lot on another thread. I think I need to be more proactive. Its hard because my bf thinks AA is a load of **** and will crack up if he hears me listening to it. But hey if my life depends on it. It sounds like you are doing great so far. Keep the $20 as a memory.

fripfrop

There are other aproaches, not just AA. Theres no rule to say you have to stick to just one thing.
If AA is dredging up too much pain, that you don't know how to deal with, but you still think AA is the only way to stay sober mix in some Smart recovery techniques of MET...CBT and REBT. These will help you deal with emotional pain and keep up motivation
I just use SR and Smart, and that is fine for me, but everyone is different

sweetichick

Hey On the road, I need to make a decision about my bf but we are very entertwined and it will take time to unravel things. He is very abusive tho. As for my parents, I've got a lot of issues with them but their heart is in the right place. Just that they are so very religious, kind of like the Islamic suicide bombers. Not really, but my dad is very extremestic christian.My shrink has got me pretty much on the ball and alcoholism is what it is. I definitely need to make a plan or I will fail again.

sweetichick

Hey Fripfrop, There is one Smart recovery meeting in my city on Fridays. I'll try it this week. I've been reading your thread and found it really interesting. It seems like you've had similar health problems to me.

MacW

+1 for CBT. Seen a young employee of mine have is life transformed by CBT. He went from being a shy, self conscious, almost housebound 20 year old with incredible social phobia, to moving countries, taking a PADI Divemaster course and then teaching people how to Scuba Dive.