DuhDave

...a chronic failure and a habitual drunk. Nothing new. For those that dont know me...glad to meet you. A little history about me. I was a drunk from age 18 to 33...then I got sober. How?...I dont remember. Wish I did.

Was sober from age 33 until 45...12 years...and then the day came...I thought...just a few beers ...then back on the wagon. BIG mistake! Within a week I was back to were I left off...12 years earlier! The 12 years of my sober life were the best I have ever had. I'am now 63 and have been a heavy drinker for the last 18 years!...and it started again with just 1 beer. Yes. I'am alcoholic.

I realized this was not a good thing 5 years ago. I started to attend AA in 2011 and was on my way to (false) sobriety. I did good for almost 6 months. Then there was an older guy..., a "Long Timer" in a meeting that spoke and said it took him 5 years to get sober from when he first joined AA. Well... I guess that was all I needed to hear. It was like...a license to continue drinking for 5 years. I've made "Feeble" attempt's through-out the years...a week here...and month there...you know the drill...but could never make anything last.

Do I still want to quit? Yes. Now more than ever. I'am running out of time to live a productive, fruitful life and to make amend's !

Lately, however, I have experienced "Flash-Backs" of the days I was sober. The things I did and the way I saw things through sober eye's. Just momentary thought's of how thing's were..."Back Then"...so long ago, and I long for those days again!

The flash back episodes at first were far and few between but as of late they have become more and more frequent. I dont know what to make of it but...I like it.

These are random, instant thought's that just seem to come out of the blue...and related to nothing at the moment really but they feel good. Just thought I would share. It just seem's to me, it's something worth mentioning. I wish I could have more of them...to help me remember the Sober day's and how nice they really were.

Pay no attention to the "Quit Alcohol" date below. It was yet another feeble attempt to quit.

Just wanted to comment. That's all. Thank you for lending me your ear.

Thats all.

DD

strategery

I think God is giving you the flashbacks so often to let you know they can be yours again, Dave. He doesn't want you to stop trying either. Never give up.

REsoberALITY

Prayers that you find the "want" to put it back down again for good. And wishing you all the patience and strength in the world as you try to.

On The Road

Dave - when I hear stories like yours, it freaks the living s*** out of me, and reminds me that I have to be vigilant about sobriety every day.

Thank you for sharing - I hope you find your way back soon!

wehav2day

Dave that smells like a higher power to me. I think you want to listen, go for it. You can quit again, man.

fgo

Dave,
Thank you for this post., it touched me. It is the one drink that sends us down the path. this is my first reply in along time. You already know how good it is to not drink. You can do it, you do know how.

sugarbear1

We will support you. You CAN stop, if you want to badly enough!!

2ndhandrose

Hi Dave

I quit drinking for 6 years, from my mid 20's to my early 30's, and then I relapsed. I drank for the next 22 ish years. I am back to living sober and working on my recovery and this time I plan to make it permanent.

I never forgot those 6 years during my 22 yr relapse. I kind of think the positive memories I had of that time helped propel me towards recommitting to sober up.

I am 57 now, better late than never!

I hope you keep thinking about those 12 years, Dave.

Gottalife

"The delusion that we are like other people or presently maybe, has to be smashed". It sure can take some smashing.

D122y

I am so grateful to all of you, this website, and ultimately the internet for saving my life. Without this place....I was doomed....

I was a stinking, drunken, fat, pathetic, embarrassing shadow of a man because I did not know anything about booze. I had no idea about the mental damage.

Now I know thanks to the thousands of posts, like this one, I have read.

I am only 14 months clean, but reading about these relapses...12 years, 6 years...makes me all the more respectfully of staying far away from booze.

May God bless all of you that have helped me.

Dee74

I think you're a lot more than you give yourself credit for Dave...but the only way to re-discover that is to get sober and stay that way.

You know as well as I do it's either change or die this way...not much of a choice.

I don't think you're incapable...I think you're a lot like I was....putting in the effort to finally leave drinking behind is hard...and scary.

'What if I hate being sober'?.


What if you don't?

D

Soberwolf

^^^^

If you can stay sober for 12 years then I know you can get back to that place

trachemys

Dave, get out of the self-pity pit. So you had a setback. I know it's not politically correct but, man up. You know how to do this. You've done it before. Do it again.

Here for you.

Behappy1

I have to commend you for coming back! So many (including myself) don't come back or at least with the same screen name. The guilt, shame, disgust that we feel towards ourself is so real with each relapse. But you're keeping it real - THIS is what alcohol does! I agree with the others - you've done it before, you can do it again. Don't wait for an extenuating circumstances (DUI, legal problems, irreparable relationship damage etc) to get you to be real about your sobriety. Take the bull by the horns while it's still in YOUR control.

firstymer

It's time Dave. Now is the time.

You can DO this.

tomsteve

great words,strat! amazing how God works- doing for us what we cant do for oursleves, like giving us those memories of sobriety to remind us it was great and possible.

IronPhoenix

This is why this journey will always be about one day at a time. We can never get complacent no matter how long we have been sober. Our AV is just laying in wait for that day to come when we let our guard down. It is just how we are wired.

Dave - you can dig deep and get back on track.

Opivotal

((Dave)) I think subconsciously, you know it's time to put a plan in action and stop.

You know how to do this... I believe you can do this... start today my friend.

Free yourself of this burden!