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Old 07-27-2016, 04:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I dont want to drink tonight


Day 2. I feel better and that's a dangerous time for me. It's also my son's 18th bday and we are celebrating at a restaurant/pub tonight. I'm really nervous about going I know it sounds silly but I don't even know why people go out to dinner without drinking. For me that's always the whole point.
I don't want my AV to win. I know alcohol is poison for me.
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Old 07-27-2016, 04:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have found in the past it always helped to be prepared for the situation that can potentially be a trigger.- don't just wing it yunno? It is okay if you need to step outside for as long as it takes for you to take a deep breath and talk yourself through the situation. Also, can you tell your family that is going to the restaurant that you are feeling concerned that can stand beside you and give you there support- it also helps to keep you accountable if you tell everyone that is going to be there that you aren't drinking, that you on Day 2 and that you are at a time where you could really use some accountability by your family. Also, is it at all possible to ask those who are going to the dinner to not order alcohol? The dinner is for your son and he is not old enough to order a drink so it isn't like you would be putting a damper on his evening since he won't be drinking anyway.

If in the end you really feel like you are not able to go to the dinner without drinking then remind yourself that it is okay to not go to the dinner. I am sure that if you were to tell your son why you can't go- if you are honest- will not ruin his day. Any child would rather have a parent that is sober and not coming to dinner to continue their recovery then to have a parent that is an alcoholic drinking and potentially becoming quite drunk and not there for him.

You can do this! Just take it hour by hour if that is what it takes or take a step back and decide if this is a safe situation for you and if not, that it is okay not to go.

Your recovery ALWAYS comes first because if it doesn't, all other aspects of our life go to hell.
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Old 07-27-2016, 04:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well done Eliasson - i was going to say maybe you can leave after the meal and let your son stay on there with some others (friends etc) then I remembered that the legal drinking age is 21 in the US. Even so maybe you could leave after a decent amount of time

And make sure you always have a non alcoholic drink to hand
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Old 07-27-2016, 04:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Totally agree with Sao & Adeline

don't go if you don't think you can handle it there will be a lot of emphasis on drinking because he's 18 & I'm sure he'd understand?
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Old 07-27-2016, 04:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yes thank you! My son is just 18 and not a drinker anyway, but lots of the adults are drinkers, including my husband.
I want this so badly. I never want to cry myself to sleep or feel the shame and physical pain I felt yesterday. I'll do whatever it takes.
As it is my husband invited heavy drinking friends over after the dinner. I let him know I will be going to bed when we get home as I have to get up very early for work.
I can do this.
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Old 07-27-2016, 04:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Sucks that husband doesn't understand the importance of support right now

I support your idea of heading to the bedroom. I think if asked it is also fine with being honest saying being around drinking behaviors and alcohol isn't helpful to you right now.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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It's definitely harder not having his support. But this will kill me if I continue.
He doesn't have to live in my body or my head. I have to do this for me.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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you can go to an aa meeting, read the big book, take a walk, or even call others in recovery- part of the action a few folks have said to ya thats necessary to stay sober.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:20 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliasson View Post
It's definitely harder not having his support. But this will kill me if I continue.
He doesn't have to live in my body or my head. I have to do this for me.
You can do this.
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I hope you have a lovely evening Eliasson. Your sons 18th should be a memory to remember

D
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Old 07-27-2016, 05:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Very good point Dee! It's time for me to start remembering my memories!
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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You can do it . Stick to your guns and order a nonalcoholic drink and a good meal. And while ur sober watch people make fools of them selfs because they had to much .
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Old 07-27-2016, 07:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone I made it through dinner sober. Ironically the only one drinking was my husband.
On my way home and ready to go to sleep and wake up to Day 3.
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
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xa-speakers.org listen to Bea M., she was a nun with alcoholism and is quite funny!
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Glad to hear have a great night
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Old 07-27-2016, 08:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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That's fantastic Eliasson!

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Old 07-27-2016, 08:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Very well done.... See you on Day 3
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Old 07-27-2016, 09:42 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Way to go Eliasson!!! What better gift to give your son but to be present for him!
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Old 07-27-2016, 10:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Great job! You should be proud of yourself!!! It's these small victories that build your confidence, resolve and "sober muscles." Ironically, the first time I went to a restaurant where I knew people would be drinking was on my triplets' 19th birthday. My mom and dad drink, but not a lot, esp my mom. She'll have one glass of wine and that's it. It was no big deal -- I ordered a non-alcohol beer (I can only drink one!) and then an iced tea.
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