JG62

It is beautiful but not great when you are on your own. Been brave the last few days and gone out on my own - but that makes me sad as well because it reminds me of all the lovely walks we did together. I flew into Cairns, my daughter was in Australia for a year. We picked up a Camper and drove up to Cape Tribulation and then drove down to Sydney. Was there July/ August and saw the hump back whales at Hervey Bay, we went on a small boat not one of those great big tourist cruisers, it's a day I will never forget, along with snorkelling on the barrier reef. We stopped of at so many places and met some amazing people. It is my hope that one day I will be able to come back and show my husband how beautiful it is. When I think about those days it helps me relax and keeps my resolve not to drink..............

sweetichick

Wow I've been to Hervey Bay camping years ago and also snorkelled twice on the barrier reef. Those were awesome days for me as well. I've never been to Cairns; got as far as Townsville. My kids have been there scuba diving. I was actually born in Sydney but came to Brisbane when I was 7. Its great that you are going out on your own. I need to get out more. I'm thinking of going to a free art class tomorrow. Its not much fun getting sober and then sitting around doing nothing except cooking and cleaning. Maybe you could do another trip sometime! I actually thought of going to the Gold Coast and just staying overnight to give me some breathing space and I love the beach. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

LBrain

In response to the original post: I think many feel angst (terrified) that they can never drink again. I went through something similar as I'm sure many of us do.

Now, I am terrified of what would happen if I chose to drink again. I'm don't want to find out, and I won't.

MLD51

Sweetichick - it is completely normal to feel tired a lot at the beginning. Your brain and body need time to heal. I slept a LOT early on. Give yourself time to rest.

Zebra1275

Feel terrified that I can never drink again

I'm just the opposite. I'm terrified that I might drink again.

sweetichick

I drank again last night. I should have gone to the movies or even AA. This is so hard staying sober. I lasted till 8pm and then went to buy just one bottle. I downed that one so fast that I went out for another. Of wine that is. I don't know what to say, I have no excuse except for wanting to get rid of bad feelings. The terror is back. It didn't even really help just stayed up late watching mindless tv and trying to come up with answers to my life. So that's it back on day 1.

Caramel

We're here for you

uncorked

sweetichick, try not to let a slip get you down. Keep pushing on with your sobriety. You did 8 days in a row so you CAN do it. Your bf doesn't sound very supportive, probably because he just doesn't understand. Hope you are ok.

JG62

sweetichick don't let this get to you. You went 8 days without a drink and that is awesome. Please stay with us in June, one slip doesn't mean you can't do this. Please shout out when you feel low, you know that I do understand about being alone, you can message me anytime .... I agree that your bf does not sound supportive but now is possibly not the time to dwell on that. If he won't support you then you know we will. Maybe think about why you didn't come here and say how you felt? But most of all be gentle on yourself today.

OceanGuy

I agree Sweet. At first I kept thinking "what are all these people talking about only one day at a time? I'm going for 30 or heck, 90 day increments. Think big!"

Boy, was I wrong. After relapsing several times, I realized that part of my problem (through self-analysis) was that I was biting off too big of a bite. Now, I see what people are talking about. When you break it down into smaller, bite sized, daily victories, they begin to accumulate. What I do is say (as other have said on here): "Today, I will not drink," every morning as soon as I wake up. That, and not having a dry mouth with a tongue stuck to its roof, has worked. And the days of sobriety keep stacking up.

I hope that helps.

JG62

Day 9 - managed a 5 mile walk yesterday, when the rain finally stopped at 4 in the afternoon. Walking back, I kept seeing, in my head, a glass of wine on the table in the yard, last night was hard but still here.
All the stuff about my husband was going around my head. Feeling cross about him and the way he is behaving. Understand about the way he feels about the fight we had but he now wants us to live apart but be man and wife on a permanent basis. not a trial this isn't the first time, I wonder if he doesn't even know what he wants. I asked him to come over yesterday or today but he didn't want to, yet when I saw him the other day he had been so bored that he had gone to bed int he afternoon for a few hours. I feel like he is messing with my head and I don't feel that is fair. He knows I am totally on my own and he knows that is my absolute worst scenario. Feel like he is punishing me...........
Saw my doctor yesterday and it was productive. I have a number to call, which I will today for an alcohol advisory service.
Glad to see so many of us still here. Here's to a less stressful day

sweetichick

Hey JG, That's great that you managed a 5 mile walk. Truly awesome stuff. Its hard with the cravings. Noone understands like another alcoholic. Its even harder if you are having relationship difficulties. He doesn't sound really supportive either or I would have thought he'd be spending time with you so you are less likely to drink. I don't get men, always confusing. Glad that you are going to an alcohol advisory service. I went to one for about 3 months and they at least had a few good ideas and helped me cut down at the time. Hope you have a great day. Its nearly 6pm here so day 1 is nearly over for me.

sweetichick

Hey Oceanguy, I definitely need to keep it in the day and not start thinking too far ahead and worrying myself over problems that aren't solveable yet. Thanks for your post.

JG62

Thank you everyone. Sweetichick don't forget we are here for you. It's 10am here and my day 9. Just back from a run. 2 mile run and a 2 mile walk/ run back. Can't count how many times I have said in the past few years, I am going for a run in the morning. Never been able to as always felt to ••••! I have this. I know the sneaky voice keeps popping up but it's wasting it's time. I am not listening. Everyone has their own way to beat this. I guess mine is taking control. It's not going to win. It's having no more of my life. And it's actually sun-shining. Please don't let me fall flat on my face

sweetichick

Go for it JG. Don't listen to that voice. You can do this. That's what I'm telling myself as well. 2 miles there and back is great. I got sober walking 20-45 mins a day and started drinking again as soon as I stopped; so I'm a great believer in physical exercise. Wish I had your energy. I'm just veging watching nighttime tv. Tomorrow I'll go for my walk again.