Feel terrified that I can never drink again
 

I'm finishing up day 3 on which I had major panic attacks and cravings. A few people have noticed that my skin has turned a bit yellow. I know I can never drink again but feel terrified that it is out of the question. I am also afraid that I will go back to it and end up in a coffin. Has anyone else had these feelings?

I think most of us have had that feeling sweetichick. I couldn;t fathom 'forever' when I first quit so I made a commitment for the next 24 hours and then the next 24 after that...after a while forever didn't seem so daunting cos,basically, I was already doing it...

If you're worried about yellow skin or anything else it really is best to see your Dr. Don't put it off.

D

Hi sweetichick,

What Dee said is exactly what worked for me in early sobriety.

In fact, I would close my eyes and take a deep breath and then say "I'm not going to drink, just for today".

It helped me get through that day. Then the next day I would repeat. It helps to get you out of the moment.

Hang in there, better days are coming.

Thanks for the replies, I guess I need to just keep it in the day. A day at a time. It took a lot of effort not to drink today but I'm probably still withdrawing which doesn't help. The day is practically over now so I'm feeling a bit better.

Well done to you.

It gets easier over time. I remember sometimes taking one minute at a time, 5 minutes, etc., until the craving passed. They were the longest 5 minutes of my life. Just hang in there, it will get better.

As others have said, don't think of never drinking again in early sobriety. Just don't drink today. And then start to not think that you can never drink again but think of it as never having to drink again. If you're like me drinking never really helped anything but only caused problems in my life.

Soon you will not be able to truly imagine having a drink AGAIN. I am only on day 116 (which I know, sounds a lot to you), and I have been craving-free for at least a month, if not more. The first 30 (I know that seems long right now) are when, in my opinion you get your "sea legs", the next 60 are when you are far less wobbly, and it just keeps on improving (not that you won't have some tough days--I had one yesterday), but they become infrequent and the intensity is much less.
Hope this helps. I know it seems impossible right now, but I noticed a great deal of changes just after 11 or so days. The first two weeks are the hardest, but YOU CAN DO IT. I drank 9 beers a day for over 20 years.

Yes, it can be overwhelming to focus on forever, so carry on getting through each day.

Good morning Sweetichick,

By the time you read this you will have four days, which is more than halfway through week one. I promise the cravings get easier. I am getting close to six months and the thought of drinking is rare, and I am able to distract myself while the thought passes.

I would definitely follow up with the doctor about your skin. Let us know what they say.

This! You can and will get to this point, I promise. It is a big relief when you can think of it just this way - you never have to drink, you will never have to wonder if people think you look yellow, wonder what you did last night, regret something you said when you were drunk- you will never....Those are wonderful things to "never" have.

Keep going!

One day at a time. That's far less scary than forever. I couldn't wrap my head around the finality of it all until I broke it down into one day increments.

It does get better. Give it some time

The first week is so hard. I've been there more than a few times.
The thought of never having a glass of wine again used to terrify me as well. But I finally got so sick emotionally and physically that I just don't want it anymore.
I had a long sober stretch recently. Then a slip, then last Sunday I had two glasses. It made me gag.....I think it was a visceral,emotional response. I poured out the rest of the bottle.
I'm not saying the cravings aren't there, they are. But somehow just surrendering
to the reality that this was going to kill me finally sunk in.
But it was true for me in my first real attempt that I could only think one day at a time, sometimes just one hour! But now it is so much easier to see the big picture. And I'm not someone who has had years of sobriety. Although I know I will now.
I guess I just want you to know that with time, it does get easier.

Just commit to never drinking now? You wouldn't drink now, would you? Of course not, that seems pretty simple. How about now? Good? OK then.

How about now? Nah, me neither. Now lets pick something to do, to make, to try, and go do it.

It really doesnt't have to be more complicated than this.

Oh, I was terrified at first, too! I kept thinking I would lose all of my friends because they all drink, that life would be boring and I'd be a hermit, that I'd never find other things to do to fill the time, that I didn't know how to "be" without alcohol. But I also knew I really needed to change almost everything about my life, because I was so out of control and the anxiety and suicidal thoughts had gotten really bad. I knew anything was ultimately better than feeling that way every day.

I did "one day at a time"thinking at the beginning. I also went to AA meetings where I saw lots of people doing all sorts of fun and great things in sobriety. They helped me see there is a good life out there without drinking. Eventually it all got easier and My thoughts shifted from "oh, woe is me, I can never drink again" to "how great it is I don't have to drink any more." That's when I started feeling free.

It is a serious thing when our bodies are telling us
that they have had enough (or too much) booze.

Best to heed the warning signs and add years to your life.

True fact -- many will die from this disease.

Have a nice sober day,
M-Bob

The terror is the anxiety, withdrawals, and craving all rolled up into ball in your toxic mind and body.

Right now you are physically and mentally addicted. You are a sick kid.

Stay hydrated, eat clean. Sleep, sleep, sleep.

The major physical addiction goes away in a week, the less painful took me a month. The mental last for a long time. I am still a bit jacked.

If you drink, it is a relapse.

We have crossed the line, we are addicts. If you keep that thought in your mind, I am an addict, it helps in the battle.

No more nice glass of red, or a cold one. Booze is our kryptonite.

We are in a fight for our lives.

I started 1 day at a time. Now...I don't drink. I am a proud sober man.

Pray if you can. Give in to your higher power. He can help. That is step 1 of AA.

Keep posting.

Thanks.

Sweetichick, I'm just a few days ahead of you. One of my most ingrained drinking associations is having a cold beer while grilling out on summer weekends. (Of course, nowadays, after that beer I inevitably go to the bottle and keep hitting it until Sunday night). But having that beer on the patio while the burgers are sizzling on the grill is something I'm going to miss a lot. It's hard to think that I'll never be able to do that again.

But I have to. It's worth it. Right now, I'm following the great advice above--one day or hour at a time. Let's get through the weekend together.

Like others, framed my drinking as "no drinking today", and it seems to work pretty well. If I looked in the mirror and said I could never have a drink again for the rest of my life, it would scare me as well. Just today works pretty well for many.

I agree with the other posters. I remember being terrified of not drinking again. I thought wine was my savior -- from emotions, from boredom, from making hard decisions about my life. Now I feel free from alcohol and its chains. No more worrying if I have enough for tonight or if the grocery clerks will remember me or if my kid has practice. Not drinking is truly liberating.

You're in the hardest part -- the first week or so. And you've done great so far! Just keep going, it DOES get easier.