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Do I Walk Away ???

Old 06-04-2016, 12:50 AM
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Do I Walk Away ???

I've tried everything to help my girlfriend..
Canx work, lost clients, holidays, support, moved to a new area..
Nothing has worked and I'm just watching her die..
She has been to AA for 9 years, rehab twice nothing has worked.
I've only been with her a few months but it's killing me, I've suffered from depression for about 10 years ..
Everyone is telling me to walk away..
I don't know what else to do, I can only help so much if she's not going to help herself what chance do I have :,(
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Old 06-04-2016, 01:17 AM
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Walk away before things get more complicated.
You Cannot Change Her.

I'd suggest visiting the friends and family area and asking what those ladies and gents think. Many of them have been through exactly this.
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Old 06-04-2016, 06:14 AM
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Yes, I think walking away may be the best option at this point. Not easy but you need to take care of yourself.
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Old 06-04-2016, 06:18 AM
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You cannot change her. I am married to a Heroin addict who has reached the point of recovery. However, if he slips back into addiction, I could do nothing. I am powerless over his addiction. It has nothing to do with me. I did nothing to cause it, and I cannot cure it. Same with you.

If you stay, you will be pulled down the rabbit hole with her until she decides that using/drinking is harder than sobriety. You will lose control not only of her, but yourself. She is aware sobriety is there for her. She knows there is help, you can't make her want it.

Love her from afar, pray for her, but take care of yourself now.
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Old 06-04-2016, 08:47 AM
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It's hard, isn't it..... to feel attracted to someone... to care for them.... to really, truly want to help them.... but to know in your heart that you cannot. It's hard to admit to ourselves when we have to let go.

I don't think any of us can give you your answer. You need to find it within yourself. But your words suggest to me that you already know.

I can say a couple things that I think are relevant and which I believe from my own experience;

Nobody who is caught in the throes of active addiction is in any position to be a healthy member of a meaningful relationship.

We can only care for, change, or take responsibility for ourselves, when it comes right down to it.

I feel for ya.

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Old 06-04-2016, 09:02 AM
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My experience has been our help is exactly what they don't need. She may get sober, she may not and unfortunately she may die. Whatever the outcome you will have very little to do with it .

We have a fundamental right to enjoy life and she is preventing this right. Tell her you love her and that you hope she finds her way. Then turn around and never look back.
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Old 06-04-2016, 09:39 AM
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I know the answer that makes most sense ... that answer would be yes! walk away! Run! .. but I also know it isn't that simple. After the 9 years of A.A and rehab you mentioned.. I can't say there is no hope ... some people against all odds turn their lives around .. but do you want to spend your time waiting for a miracle?

Really going to be up to you and how much more you can tolerate.. wish I had a better response for you.
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Old 06-04-2016, 10:59 AM
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I've only been with her a few months but it's killing me, I've suffered from depression for about 10 years ..

your own health and well being must be first and foremost. within a few months it's not gotten any BETTER and you are suffering from this contact. you don't have a lot of TIME invested here......and perhaps you've seen enough??? please take care of YOU!
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:25 AM
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When my alcoholic fiance started with heroin is when I hit my bottom and I ran away. I hope you get to that point before I did. I had several years invested.

Take care of yourself, and your depression. And remember self care, whether you stay with her or not
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:16 PM
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I would also advise letting her know she is loved, but that you can't watch her killing herself. It will only get worse if you stay and she won't help herself.
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Old 06-05-2016, 03:48 PM
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Wow :,(
I kinda knew the response..
But how do you walk away from someone you love ??
I've stopped her three times the longest was 10 days..
Doesn't sound much but I thought it was a huge achievement.
I look after stroke / heart patients at work so looking after people is what I do..
How can I look after strangers and turn my back on someone I wanted to marry ..
I never knew how hard this would be..
I really thought I could help :,( :,( :,(
Is there seriously no other way to help ???
Thank you so much for all your help and time :,(
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Old 06-05-2016, 04:03 PM
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Is there seriously no other way to help ???
Let her hit her 'bottom' and maybe then she'll realize what she's losing due to her drinking. You cannot save her, she has to want to save herself. I'm sorry, but that's the truth.
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Old 06-05-2016, 04:10 PM
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She has to be the one to change. Thats coming from an alcoholic. Walk. Sorry
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Old 06-05-2016, 04:12 PM
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You want to marry an someone you have only know a few months? And she is an alcoholic?

Think about that long and hard.
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Old 06-05-2016, 09:20 PM
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Well. You asked.
I suspect you are not willing to take the advise, but that's up to you.

If you decide to stay with her, I would suggest looking into a support network for yourself. AlAnon would be a good place to start.
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Old 06-06-2016, 09:05 AM
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Thank you so much your replies have maybe eased my pain a lil.
I kinda knew what was coming I guess I just hoped there was another way.
I've told her many a time I can't watch her kill herself and today I've had no contact, I think walking away is my only option. I know she has people round there now getting her alcohol and I can't stand by and watch that.
I never guessed how hard this would be and feel a failure for not being able to help . Someone replied that our help was the last thing they need and I can kinda see that. I'm still getting abuse but I've stopped contact, I don't deserve that anymore. She text this morning saying she's going into rehab but I've heard it before and don't think she has. Thank you to you all for the support and advice :,(
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Old 06-06-2016, 09:10 AM
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Many hugs and strength your way!
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Old 06-06-2016, 08:40 PM
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You are headed down a path of misery. Or I should say, you've been on that path and it's only going to get worse
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Old 06-06-2016, 11:13 PM
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Your desire and commitment to save her is both beautiful and admirable.

Alas it's futile. I tried and failed to save my alcoholic father and didn't listen to a soul who told me it couldn't be done.

He too teased me with short periods of sobriety but after a boyhood and adulthood of pain and suffering watching him drink he eventually proved me wrong by dying from alcoholism.

He then proved me a fool by my becoming an alcoholic myself.

If you stay with her, please know fully what is at stake here because you could be signing up for a lifetime of dissapointed and heartbreak......all of which can become an addiction too.

All said with love.
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Old 06-07-2016, 07:18 AM
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Tufty- thank you for your time and advice and I'm so sorry to hear your story.
I'm pretty new to this hence having no idea what I was getting into. I help people in wheelchairs walk how hard can it be to stop someone having a drink .. Or so I thought..

I understand what your saying and what everyone has said and I have stepped back and taken their advice.
But there are success story's too I've read them on here, I'm not saying I'm in denial like I said I've stepped back and given her the choice to change.
But I'm trying to stay positive the plans we made together will help her pull through :-(
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