is there a substitute for alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
is there a substitute for alcohol.
It's my anniversary tonight. Things have been good in my house. We don't have liquor in the house anymore. Husband doesn't drink as much and seems to be abstaining. I have quit completely.
I'm not a newcomer...been here for 3 years or so on and off. But I've recently quit drinking again due to a really bad binge I had. (Lasted 6 months at its worst) I have felt better than I have felt in a long time (but older of course
It's been about 2 weeks and today I started to have compulsive thoughts about drinking. Im planning something nice for our anniversary and it involves going to a nice restaurant. My husband and I have a romantic relationship with alcohol. And I'm considering just having a glass or 2. And it's driving me crazy.
Im thinking I should just call the whole thing off and stay home. I get so angry that I can't celebrate, so angry that alcohol has such an affect on me. I feel like I'm obsessing because I'm denying myself what I want.
How do I crush this feeling that is consuming me right now and is there a magical substitute for alcohol when going out to dinner...like bubbly water with lemon in a wine glass??!?
I think my husband will drink if we go out or get upset and feel like he cant. I know I could just talk to him about it. We've come a long way in our understanding of this condition.
I think the rational thing to do is to not put myself in this situation yet so early...is there a way to disassociate drinking from romance.... it's always haunting me, like its something we've lost and need to find something new....but I don't know what that new is yet.....
I'm not a newcomer...been here for 3 years or so on and off. But I've recently quit drinking again due to a really bad binge I had. (Lasted 6 months at its worst) I have felt better than I have felt in a long time (but older of course
It's been about 2 weeks and today I started to have compulsive thoughts about drinking. Im planning something nice for our anniversary and it involves going to a nice restaurant. My husband and I have a romantic relationship with alcohol. And I'm considering just having a glass or 2. And it's driving me crazy.
Im thinking I should just call the whole thing off and stay home. I get so angry that I can't celebrate, so angry that alcohol has such an affect on me. I feel like I'm obsessing because I'm denying myself what I want.
How do I crush this feeling that is consuming me right now and is there a magical substitute for alcohol when going out to dinner...like bubbly water with lemon in a wine glass??!?
I think my husband will drink if we go out or get upset and feel like he cant. I know I could just talk to him about it. We've come a long way in our understanding of this condition.
I think the rational thing to do is to not put myself in this situation yet so early...is there a way to disassociate drinking from romance.... it's always haunting me, like its something we've lost and need to find something new....but I don't know what that new is yet.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,776
Hey none of this is real you know. This craziness will pass if you let it and don't entertain it.
The substitute is your thinking and how you are viewing the situation you are in.
When I've felt like you I know some soul searching is needed to free myself from this desperate turmoil that is of my own making.
Go well
The substitute is your thinking and how you are viewing the situation you are in.
When I've felt like you I know some soul searching is needed to free myself from this desperate turmoil that is of my own making.
Go well
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Hampton NH
Posts: 3
Been there
I recently went to a nice restaurant with my wife and she suggested that she not drink wine because she knew how hard I've been trying (53 days sobriety).
I felt really guilty that she couldn't enjoy drinking because of me so I asked her to have a glass with her meal (unlike me, she can have just one).
She did, I didn't and we had a wonderful dinner and I felt good putting someone else before my own needs.
Hope it goes well.
I felt really guilty that she couldn't enjoy drinking because of me so I asked her to have a glass with her meal (unlike me, she can have just one).
She did, I didn't and we had a wonderful dinner and I felt good putting someone else before my own needs.
Hope it goes well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Well I have great news for you, you do not need alcohol to celebrate, I do it all the time with my better half who does not drink either, I make a special coffee for us, make a fruit blender drink and add some ginger ale to it etc. You will feel a lot better, if you are anything like me that first drink is the end.
Andrew
Andrew
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
the only romantic relationship i had with alcohol was a love hate one- it loved to help me hate myself.
11 years sober and ive celebrated a LOT of events without alcohol and they were a LOT more enjoyable.
11 years sober and ive celebrated a LOT of events without alcohol and they were a LOT more enjoyable.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
It takes the time it takes to un-narl and build new neural pathways, like the mistaken ones that lead us to see anything positive or enjoyable about alcohol consumption.
I assume you have come to realize, intellectually, that drinking will lead to damaging physical and psychological effects and those consequences are unavoidable. But emotional our estimation lags behind the realization and the AV takes advantage of this and the thoughts and feelings associated with those thoughts taunt us and ask to be bargained with.
As to your OP , a substitute for alcohol, who's asking ? the AV ? If so the answer to that is , Am I actually looking for something else to give me the pain, guilt, shame, anxiety ect ect? From that perspective you /we are not losing anything, only gaining, not depriving ourselves of anything, just saving ourselves from it.
The AV lies , it tries to trick you into asking for poison while trying to pretend it's not.
Raise a glass of sparkling water with ice and a big fat wedge of citrus and toast to not picking poison , on purpose.
Wishing you a happy anniversary and better days (sooner than latter)
I assume you have come to realize, intellectually, that drinking will lead to damaging physical and psychological effects and those consequences are unavoidable. But emotional our estimation lags behind the realization and the AV takes advantage of this and the thoughts and feelings associated with those thoughts taunt us and ask to be bargained with.
As to your OP , a substitute for alcohol, who's asking ? the AV ? If so the answer to that is , Am I actually looking for something else to give me the pain, guilt, shame, anxiety ect ect? From that perspective you /we are not losing anything, only gaining, not depriving ourselves of anything, just saving ourselves from it.
The AV lies , it tries to trick you into asking for poison while trying to pretend it's not.
Raise a glass of sparkling water with ice and a big fat wedge of citrus and toast to not picking poison , on purpose.
Wishing you a happy anniversary and better days (sooner than latter)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
Trees...thank you..perhaps some soul searching would do me some good right now.
Bell...congrats on your sobriety. And thank you for the post. Have you noticed a significant change in your life and or family dynamic. It's very good that you have such a supportive wife.
Alinns...you are right. I can celebrate! The first drink for me is a slow process but usually ends the same each time. It's a weird situation I have because my husband is an alcoholic too. But is trying the controlled method right now and is being supportive by understanding that having alcohol in the house and consuming it was hurting me. I know I can't make him.. stop completely if he doesn't want to. Been down that road...it's very confusing but I always wanted us to be on the same page as far as not drinking and getting sober together but life isn't like that. I made a choice to stay in my marriage. I know a lot more now than I did before, but still have soooooo much to learn.
Bell...congrats on your sobriety. And thank you for the post. Have you noticed a significant change in your life and or family dynamic. It's very good that you have such a supportive wife.
Alinns...you are right. I can celebrate! The first drink for me is a slow process but usually ends the same each time. It's a weird situation I have because my husband is an alcoholic too. But is trying the controlled method right now and is being supportive by understanding that having alcohol in the house and consuming it was hurting me. I know I can't make him.. stop completely if he doesn't want to. Been down that road...it's very confusing but I always wanted us to be on the same page as far as not drinking and getting sober together but life isn't like that. I made a choice to stay in my marriage. I know a lot more now than I did before, but still have soooooo much to learn.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
I am going to be blunt. Supportive, I hope. But blunt.
I have been reading these forums for nearly 3 years now. I have read thousands (maybe tens of thousands) of posts from people like you and me - people who have some sobriety under our belts and are considering having "one or two" drinks. Some of us have foolishly given in to the strong, but irrational, urge to begin drinking again.
NOT ONCE has someone posted that their return to alcohol has made their life better. Instead, the member usually returns, days or months later, and recounts what a terrible decision it was to return to drinking - how those "one or two drinks" led them right back to where they had been with alcohol - or worse.
So, if you want to start drinking again, that is obviously your choice. But let's not disguise it as "one or two drinks" to celebrate an anniversary. If you start drinking again, you will start drinking again. Period. Given the experience of virtually every other SR member, saying that you are going to have "one or two drinks" is like saying you are only going to get a little bit pregnant. If just doesn't work that way.
I don't think you are going to drink. I think you are stronger than your AV. I think you recognize that things are going well for you, and that you don't want to go back to where you were. The urge to drink will pass, you will play the tape forward, and you will realize that your sobriety is too important to let go of.
Be strong, Sharpy. You can do this.
I have been reading these forums for nearly 3 years now. I have read thousands (maybe tens of thousands) of posts from people like you and me - people who have some sobriety under our belts and are considering having "one or two" drinks. Some of us have foolishly given in to the strong, but irrational, urge to begin drinking again.
NOT ONCE has someone posted that their return to alcohol has made their life better. Instead, the member usually returns, days or months later, and recounts what a terrible decision it was to return to drinking - how those "one or two drinks" led them right back to where they had been with alcohol - or worse.
So, if you want to start drinking again, that is obviously your choice. But let's not disguise it as "one or two drinks" to celebrate an anniversary. If you start drinking again, you will start drinking again. Period. Given the experience of virtually every other SR member, saying that you are going to have "one or two drinks" is like saying you are only going to get a little bit pregnant. If just doesn't work that way.
I don't think you are going to drink. I think you are stronger than your AV. I think you recognize that things are going well for you, and that you don't want to go back to where you were. The urge to drink will pass, you will play the tape forward, and you will realize that your sobriety is too important to let go of.
Be strong, Sharpy. You can do this.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Oh what a hard situation. 
I do think you should talk honestly with your husband. That will be more complicated given his own problems with alcohol, but maybe he will be receptive.
If not, could you change your plans to a celebration that doesn't have such strong associations with alcohol? Like going to a concert/play, or trying something new like rock climbing together?
Actually I realize it's probably now a little late in the game so I'll just offer you my support. Remember that as soon as you drink your obsession will go from wanting a drink to tearing yourself apart for having one. There is no winning that way.
I do think you should talk honestly with your husband. That will be more complicated given his own problems with alcohol, but maybe he will be receptive.
If not, could you change your plans to a celebration that doesn't have such strong associations with alcohol? Like going to a concert/play, or trying something new like rock climbing together?
Actually I realize it's probably now a little late in the game so I'll just offer you my support. Remember that as soon as you drink your obsession will go from wanting a drink to tearing yourself apart for having one. There is no winning that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Yeah, you just need to change your perception of what a celebration involves. And, I think that's a big part of successful recovery. I needed to shift my perception about many things. It's not easy at first, but you will get more comfortable as time goes by. If you feel like it's too soon to be out for dinner, then try something different. I hope you enjoy your anniversary.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I suggest you stop saying to yourself, 'I can't drink. I want to, but I simply can't'. This leads ultimately to failure, I think.
Intead, start saying this: ' I have looked at this carefully, and I know I can drink OR I can have my life the way I want it to be. I have made my decision, and its a permanent one. I choose to not drink anymore. I choose to have a good life, the one I deserve to have.'
Now THAT is an event worth celebrating!
Intead, start saying this: ' I have looked at this carefully, and I know I can drink OR I can have my life the way I want it to be. I have made my decision, and its a permanent one. I choose to not drink anymore. I choose to have a good life, the one I deserve to have.'
Now THAT is an event worth celebrating!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I have quit completely.
a really bad binge I had. (Lasted 6 months at its worst)
I'm considering just having a glass or 2
It's my anniversary tonight.
do you REALLY think you cannot celebrate your wedding anniversary with your husband WITHOUT booze??? or do you think that is just the latest con your Addict Voice is running........you were very sick during the binge, i'm sure, and are just now two weeks sober.....you STATE you have QUIT drinking NOW.
so....either you HAVE or you have NOT. it's that simple. don't complicate it, don't fall for the debate.....the EXCUSE. you have either quit for good or there will always be another EXCUSE for just a couple more............until there is nothing left of you.
a really bad binge I had. (Lasted 6 months at its worst)
I'm considering just having a glass or 2
It's my anniversary tonight.
do you REALLY think you cannot celebrate your wedding anniversary with your husband WITHOUT booze??? or do you think that is just the latest con your Addict Voice is running........you were very sick during the binge, i'm sure, and are just now two weeks sober.....you STATE you have QUIT drinking NOW.
so....either you HAVE or you have NOT. it's that simple. don't complicate it, don't fall for the debate.....the EXCUSE. you have either quit for good or there will always be another EXCUSE for just a couple more............until there is nothing left of you.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
For the addict, booze does not equal celebration anymore.
It equals minutes of euphoria followed by days and days of guilt, depression, anxiety, and paranoia.
Celebrate your anniversary sober and have 0 regrets.
It equals minutes of euphoria followed by days and days of guilt, depression, anxiety, and paranoia.
Celebrate your anniversary sober and have 0 regrets.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
Thank you guys for the advice. I like blunt advice. Sometimes I need to hear the truth to wake myself up. Funny thing. When I was dropping off my son my sitter offered me a bottle of champagne to bring with me for later...she doesn't know me like that. I had to say thank you but no thank you. She happens to be my mother in law. Only a select few people know my struggles. I felt better declining the drink even though she pushed and was a little offended. Told her we couldn't keep liquor in the house trying a new clean diet....that's all in could think of.
I still feel icky but I will get past this feeling. Thanks again for your honesty and support. ♡♡♡
I still feel icky but I will get past this feeling. Thanks again for your honesty and support. ♡♡♡
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 394
Happy to say my husband was very receptive to my feelings. Seems he has been more understanding over time. I was a mess so we stayed home, and worked on a new art project, went grocery shopping had cheese cake and ice cream and before bed made some hot tea and listened to music.
Stayed up way to late and woke up with a horrible headach and sinus pressure, missed my (head) doctor appointment but I feel ok. Rescheduled and got to relax in the morning and sleep.in a bit. Glad I do not have a hangover glad I don't feel guilt. .Happy that I decided to share my feelings rather than bottle them up. Thanks again. Yesterday was rough, you all helped me more than I can say.
Stayed up way to late and woke up with a horrible headach and sinus pressure, missed my (head) doctor appointment but I feel ok. Rescheduled and got to relax in the morning and sleep.in a bit. Glad I do not have a hangover glad I don't feel guilt. .Happy that I decided to share my feelings rather than bottle them up. Thanks again. Yesterday was rough, you all helped me more than I can say.
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