Not posted in a while - having a tough time
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Not posted in a while - having a tough time
Hi all
I've not posted since the end of last year, mainly as I was doing so well and lapsed and couldn't swallow my pride.
I've done pretty well since in remaining sober, although I have drank recently, and last night. It's been small amounts but I've been here before, I know where it's going.
But I really need to get something off my chest...
I've had a really tough time lately as I've tried to run before I could walk. Ive been dating someone and tbh it's been too much. I couldn't handle it. Suffice to say im not dating her anymore, thankfully not the result of alcohol however (I told her I didn't drink early on). The anxiety I've been having whilst seeing her though has been borderline uncontrollable. I was getting so nervous beforehand but found myself relaxing once I was around her. Anyway last Saturday was too much. I had a panic attack prior to seeing her but didn't want to give in, so still went. It didn't go great! I was so anxious I could barely talk. Couldn't eat the food we went for but told her I just felt a bit sick. I confessed at the end that I had anxiety issues but hadn't expected it to be that bad, that I was sorry I hadn't told her earlier etc. She dropped me like a live grenade and I've not heard from her since. I knew she liked me as well which is the worst, because I feel like I ruined it and that any girl I tell I have mental health issues is going to run a mile. It's difficult as I find it difficult to relax around people who don't know me and understand me. I've not had a panic attack in nearly a year and never feel like I did with her when I'm with family etc. It was the being out of my comfort zone that got me. Most of the time I'm fine and just like everyone else!
So alas, im feeling sorry for myself atm. It's not often I get attention from a beautiful girl like that. And I know that it was my actions that ruined it.
But I need to be accountable and sort it out because I don't want to end up on a bender over it. I did drink on the Saturday and again last night. What worries me most is that I've not regretted it, I've felt so down and like everything is pointless anyway the past few days. I also need to sort out this chronic loneliness I'm feeling. Maybe make some friends rather than trying to date.
So yeah this is my owning up post. I sincerely hope you are all well.
I've not posted since the end of last year, mainly as I was doing so well and lapsed and couldn't swallow my pride.
I've done pretty well since in remaining sober, although I have drank recently, and last night. It's been small amounts but I've been here before, I know where it's going.
But I really need to get something off my chest...
I've had a really tough time lately as I've tried to run before I could walk. Ive been dating someone and tbh it's been too much. I couldn't handle it. Suffice to say im not dating her anymore, thankfully not the result of alcohol however (I told her I didn't drink early on). The anxiety I've been having whilst seeing her though has been borderline uncontrollable. I was getting so nervous beforehand but found myself relaxing once I was around her. Anyway last Saturday was too much. I had a panic attack prior to seeing her but didn't want to give in, so still went. It didn't go great! I was so anxious I could barely talk. Couldn't eat the food we went for but told her I just felt a bit sick. I confessed at the end that I had anxiety issues but hadn't expected it to be that bad, that I was sorry I hadn't told her earlier etc. She dropped me like a live grenade and I've not heard from her since. I knew she liked me as well which is the worst, because I feel like I ruined it and that any girl I tell I have mental health issues is going to run a mile. It's difficult as I find it difficult to relax around people who don't know me and understand me. I've not had a panic attack in nearly a year and never feel like I did with her when I'm with family etc. It was the being out of my comfort zone that got me. Most of the time I'm fine and just like everyone else!
So alas, im feeling sorry for myself atm. It's not often I get attention from a beautiful girl like that. And I know that it was my actions that ruined it.
But I need to be accountable and sort it out because I don't want to end up on a bender over it. I did drink on the Saturday and again last night. What worries me most is that I've not regretted it, I've felt so down and like everything is pointless anyway the past few days. I also need to sort out this chronic loneliness I'm feeling. Maybe make some friends rather than trying to date.
So yeah this is my owning up post. I sincerely hope you are all well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
prayers lad from so many corners of the world.. to help you pull around thro this.. you can you know .. its hard but then life is hard and you have to just find the good points and keep tight. hugs from an Old Mum in wiscosnin
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Sorry about your struggles BBB. I think you know, however, what you've got to do. Don't go back to the place you left behind. Drinking won't solve any problems and for people like us only brings destruction.
Be proud of your sober time and get back to that point.
You deserve it.
Be proud of your sober time and get back to that point.
You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi BBB
I know exactly what you are talking about. I was sober a year and got involved with someone. From the very start I was anxious in the relationship but I muscled through. Looonnnggg story short it ended after two years....outwardly because of alcohol. But quite honestly, he was the perfect storm of WRONG for me. I should have followed all my instincts but I didn't. I conformed to him and let all of my boundaries and values be trampled all over.
I know I'm not very good with 'feelings' and connecting. I often don't really know what I'm feeling or why. But my body always knows and anxiety and panic are huge indicators for me that I'm in the wrong situation. I won't make that mistake again.
Whether she was right or wrong for you, your anxiety is telling you that you need to take care of you. You're doing the right thing.....well except for the drinking part. I'm glad you're intervening before it gets worse.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I was sober a year and got involved with someone. From the very start I was anxious in the relationship but I muscled through. Looonnnggg story short it ended after two years....outwardly because of alcohol. But quite honestly, he was the perfect storm of WRONG for me. I should have followed all my instincts but I didn't. I conformed to him and let all of my boundaries and values be trampled all over.
I know I'm not very good with 'feelings' and connecting. I often don't really know what I'm feeling or why. But my body always knows and anxiety and panic are huge indicators for me that I'm in the wrong situation. I won't make that mistake again.
Whether she was right or wrong for you, your anxiety is telling you that you need to take care of you. You're doing the right thing.....well except for the drinking part. I'm glad you're intervening before it gets worse.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
So glad to see you back, BBB. I have often thought of you and hoped that you were doing well.
It certainly seems that alcohol and anxiety are well-connected, and that one fuels the other.
Hopefully, you can schedule a visit with your GP to discuss your anxiety. In the meantime, practicing deep breathing and meditating could be of some good help.
So glad that you are back, BBB. I remain ever-impressed by you.
It certainly seems that alcohol and anxiety are well-connected, and that one fuels the other.
Hopefully, you can schedule a visit with your GP to discuss your anxiety. In the meantime, practicing deep breathing and meditating could be of some good help.
So glad that you are back, BBB. I remain ever-impressed by you.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Glad you're back. I also suffer from anxiety so can relate. Hopefully you will concentrate on you and getting yourself better, Relationships can maybe wait. My anxiety has reduced hugely since getting sober. It's still there a bit but nowhere near as bad and is manageable.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I had to really work on myself before I got into a relationship.
That suggestion about waiting a year is not as draconian as some might think
In any case I'm glad you're back B - best to nip this in the bud.
D
That suggestion about waiting a year is not as draconian as some might think
In any case I'm glad you're back B - best to nip this in the bud.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
First off it's good to see you back, BBB! I suppose people often think that no one notices they're gone but we do! Next you can't really control other people's reactions. And while it sounds trite and cliched if someone can't accept you as you are, maybe you're better off cutting ties with them. It still hurts but better now than later, when you're both in deeper.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Thanks so much all. I really needed it as I've been so down the past few days. It's really nice to hear from you all.
One thing I've learned is that I'm not good at putting things in perspective. I'm also terribly hard on myself. If she can't deal with someone with anxiety it's better it ends now. I honestly didn't think it would be so bad though or I'd have told her up front instead of trying to hide it and come across normal. But drinking on top will only make it worse, so I'm back on the wagon.
One thing I've learned is that I'm not good at putting things in perspective. I'm also terribly hard on myself. If she can't deal with someone with anxiety it's better it ends now. I honestly didn't think it would be so bad though or I'd have told her up front instead of trying to hide it and come across normal. But drinking on top will only make it worse, so I'm back on the wagon.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome Back BBB. I can completely relate to the anxiety, and I know that mine was worse when I was drinking. Lots of great advice above, I just wanted to send some hugs your way and say I am glad you are back.
❤️ Delilah
❤️ Delilah
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
It's really good to see you back. I also began drinking due to anxiety/depression. As Leigh said, anxiety/alcohol often go hand-in-hand. I am sure that, when the time is right, you will find a woman who loves you for yourself. Take the time you need to deal with your alcoholism and getting to know and love yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Good to see you again BBB. I'm sorry to hear what happened but I believe you'll get it figured out. The number one priority is not slipping back into drunkenness.
Just an idea, but I read about so many folks on this site who have anxiety. I know here in the U.S. we have people that are called Life Coaches, and when I first heard it I thought they were crazy. But I've come to learn from a few folks who hired them that it helped them tremendously organize their life and provide excellent perspective on things and give them the confidence they were looking for.
Just an idea, but I read about so many folks on this site who have anxiety. I know here in the U.S. we have people that are called Life Coaches, and when I first heard it I thought they were crazy. But I've come to learn from a few folks who hired them that it helped them tremendously organize their life and provide excellent perspective on things and give them the confidence they were looking for.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
HI BBB, Good to see you back here. I am sorry about the situation with the girl.
As others have mentioned the anxiety and alcohol go hand and hand. Both need to be looked at and health with in order to succeed but it could be helpful to make one a priority right now. I know that when my mom first met with her psychologist some 35 years ago she said "I cannot work with you if you continue to drink, we will not make any progress" so my mom stopped that day.
I was just in rehab with this really interesting guy. It was his second visit to the same place. The first time was almost a year ago when he can to get sober. He went through the standard 28 days of rehab and remained sober and doing outpatient therapy, and then he returned recently to do a 28 day stay for anxiety. He had to get his alcoholism under control first before he could successfully deal with the anxiety problem.
I'm not suggesting such an intensive program for you, but maybe it will hit home the idea of getting sober for good, clearing your mind in order to deal deeply with the underlying anxiety.
As others have mentioned the anxiety and alcohol go hand and hand. Both need to be looked at and health with in order to succeed but it could be helpful to make one a priority right now. I know that when my mom first met with her psychologist some 35 years ago she said "I cannot work with you if you continue to drink, we will not make any progress" so my mom stopped that day.
I was just in rehab with this really interesting guy. It was his second visit to the same place. The first time was almost a year ago when he can to get sober. He went through the standard 28 days of rehab and remained sober and doing outpatient therapy, and then he returned recently to do a 28 day stay for anxiety. He had to get his alcoholism under control first before he could successfully deal with the anxiety problem.
I'm not suggesting such an intensive program for you, but maybe it will hit home the idea of getting sober for good, clearing your mind in order to deal deeply with the underlying anxiety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
It great to see you back, anxiety can be a tough one to get through, aside from medications I learned Yoga and Meditation in detox which made a very big difference for me, I also walk my dog, a lot at the start which made a difference.
I am going to assume this was a new relationship, for what it's worth it is really hammered home in detox here to take a year and get our feet under ourselves prior to starting a new relationship, as tough as that may be I can see where they are coming from.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
I am going to assume this was a new relationship, for what it's worth it is really hammered home in detox here to take a year and get our feet under ourselves prior to starting a new relationship, as tough as that may be I can see where they are coming from.
Wishing you the best
Andrew
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