Not posted in a while - having a tough time
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Hi all thanks for the responses
I'm really struggling with my anxiety atm. On top of last week I discovered my family are going behind my back and telling others what I tell them
I get that it's because they want me to get better etc but I literally stumbled on a text on one of their phones (it was still locked and came up on the screen as I picked it up) listing all the things I'd told her that day when I drove over to see her, and how I hadn't told her things I'd told other people.
I just feel crap, I need some space. I don't have to tell everyone bloody everything. I don't want my family to know everything, it's private. This is my life not a soap opera in which everyone gets to watch and judge what I do. This also isn't a situation they're going to 'manage' their way out of. I suspected it was happening but now I know. I won't be telling them any more I haven't said anything said, but I'm gonna have to as I've been bottling it up!
Last week was really tough at work, I almost had a panic attack as it's all just too much right now. I need to get to the docs next week and ask for some more help.
I'm really struggling with my anxiety atm. On top of last week I discovered my family are going behind my back and telling others what I tell them
I get that it's because they want me to get better etc but I literally stumbled on a text on one of their phones (it was still locked and came up on the screen as I picked it up) listing all the things I'd told her that day when I drove over to see her, and how I hadn't told her things I'd told other people.I just feel crap, I need some space. I don't have to tell everyone bloody everything. I don't want my family to know everything, it's private. This is my life not a soap opera in which everyone gets to watch and judge what I do. This also isn't a situation they're going to 'manage' their way out of. I suspected it was happening but now I know. I won't be telling them any more
I haven't said anything said, but I'm gonna have to as I've been bottling it up!Last week was really tough at work, I almost had a panic attack as it's all just too much right now. I need to get to the docs next week and ask for some more help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think your family are just worried about you BBB.
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think your family are just worried about you BBB.
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
So glad that you have come back to us. You can always use us as your sounding board, BBB; we are solidly in your corner and want nothing more than to see you succeed and lead a rewarding, healthy and fulfilling life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I don't know if this will help you BBB, but when I made my decision on alcohol, I made it my number one priority in my life. I did not tell anyone but my wife and the folks on SR. I also did not tell anyone how bad it had gotten, except my wife and SR. This is your problem, and your journey, and it can be private.
I also recognized that telling others my "secrets" wasn't going to get me sober, the focus had to solely be on sobriety. It was a requirement, not an option.
I also recognized that telling others my "secrets" wasn't going to get me sober, the focus had to solely be on sobriety. It was a requirement, not an option.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think your family are just worried about you BBB.
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
They may not know the most healthy way to react to that fear.
I know I had to prove to my family and my loved ones I was trustworthy.
That hurt - but honestly I hadn't been trustworthy in a very long time, so I understood I had to earn that trust back.
That doesn't make their actions right of course - but it's pretty common from families of an alcoholic to react in dysfunctional ways.
You may have to institute some boundaries like I did because, you're right - in the end it's your life and your business.
Are you staying sober through all this?
D
Regarding the sobriety, im on day 6, so it's a start
Work went much better today, I've felt pretty calm even though I've been busy. The sunshine is helping too
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by BringingBackB
So alas, im feeling sorry for myself atm. It's not often I get attention from a beautiful girl like that. And I know that it was my actions that ruined it.
This one below I worked on very hard in my early sobriety.
e·qua·nim·i·ty
/ˌekwəˈnimədē/
noun
noun: equanimity
mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
"she accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity"
synonyms: composure, calm, level-headedness, self-possession, coolheadedness, presence of mind; serenity, tranquility, phlegm, imperturbability, equilibrium; poise, assurance, self-confidence, aplomb, sangfroid, nerve; informalcool
"she confronted the daily crises with equanimity"
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Thanks Bob, I really like that word. I think you are right about the dating. Truth be told I've felt so much better since. My anxiety has lessened significantly and I'm feeling more like my usual self. Maybe it was just a case of too much too soon.
I'm happy to report that I'm still sober so that's a week and a half now. I've actually had a really good week at work. I've been really bored the past few months but volunteered myself for some additional analysis work and I'm really enjoying it. There are some big changes going on in the company which I'm now working on directly and it feels good to be participating to soemethig so big. So that's definitely improved my mood.
Apart from that I've been enjoying relaxing in the evening, watching TV, playing the PlayStation, whatever I feel like. Simple pleasures like that make me happier than I originally thought and I know that I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. If something happens, great but it's pointless stressing and feeling like I MUST have it.
I'll keep working on the equanimity
I'm happy to report that I'm still sober so that's a week and a half now. I've actually had a really good week at work. I've been really bored the past few months but volunteered myself for some additional analysis work and I'm really enjoying it. There are some big changes going on in the company which I'm now working on directly and it feels good to be participating to soemethig so big. So that's definitely improved my mood.
Apart from that I've been enjoying relaxing in the evening, watching TV, playing the PlayStation, whatever I feel like. Simple pleasures like that make me happier than I originally thought and I know that I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. If something happens, great but it's pointless stressing and feeling like I MUST have it.
I'll keep working on the equanimity
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
SoberLeigh- you are in luck. I am back! I have only really been posting in the December class for now, still finding my feet.
Thanks to all of you for thinking of me. This is such a special place.
Thanks to all of you for thinking of me. This is such a special place.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by BringingBackB
SoberLeigh- you are in luck. I am back! I have only really been posting in the December class for now, still finding my feet.
Thanks to all of you for thinking of me. This is such a special place.
Thanks to all of you for thinking of me. This is such a special place.
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