kittycat3

Thanks guys. I'm here and doing fairly well. I'm still feeling wobbly and weak but I'm faking it as best as I can. Day is half over already so that's amazing. It's definitely not my most productive day but I am doing ok. I've seen one of the 2 guys I drank with and he thankfully did not mention the mess I was on Friday night.

I know now my job is to not forget where I've been.

I am planning on going to an AA meeting tonight, in fact going to look one up right now.

kittycat3

I found a women's group that is meeting tonight very close to my house at a convenient time for me.
I'm very much looking forward to this, I need to add to my toolbox and F2F support is the most obvious way to me to step up my game.
Still need your good thoughts going to this will require some courage. Xo

Findingtheway

Good for you. Joining a group and getting the face to face/daily support has made a MAJOR positive difference in my recovery.

I pray the same happens for you.

Saskia

You can do this, Kitty! And I know you have the courage.

Lenina

Good for you ((((kitty)))! I hope your meeting is good and I'm proud of you for finding a women's meeting!

See about getting a sponsor. And we are here for you!

Love from Lenina

Kelly12390

Aw saying a prayer for you tonight. I have been that soldier many times, I'm sure most of us have. Things will get better, you just hang on! Let people think what they will, right now you just worry about you and do not beat yourself up. You're the priority, not them. Sending love

kittycat3

I went to the meeting and I happened to get a sponsor! She's really nice and I would not normally have asked for one but they really encouraged it at this meeting.
It felt so good to be around others, it was a big group of women. I sat there in awe of how many others there are out there struggling with this just like me.
And there were a few shares from others that made me realize I don't have it so bad after all.
Lots of people dealing with a lot of bad situations.
I did ok at work today. I felt sheepish and skunked around somewhat. I tried to avoid the 2 guys I was out with on Friday night. I couldn't bare to hear a word about my antics. I am sure I will hear about it some day but hoping I can get stronger first.
I am sitting here grateful and amazed at what happened over the last few days. I was talking with another gal who said she drank this weekend and was kicked out of her house. We both remarked how just one night of drinking can wreak such havoc. One night of drinking cost me my whole weekend, lost time and a missed concert I bought tickets to months ago, and was a major blow to my psyche / spirit and my dignity.
Wow so not worth it.
Day 3 almost over.
So grateful to be sober tonight.

kittycat3

Thanks to everyone who read, posted, and thought good thoughts for me today. It's because of you I got through today with no breakdowns or tears.
God bless you all

Lenina

((((Kitty))) so happy for you! These are the first days of a new life. Stay the course and do the work. In the beginning, I thought AA was a little crazy and silly. I can tell you, as you go through the Steps, more is revealed! It all will make sense.

So happy you've found a sponsor! Follow her advice no matter how daft it might seem. It takes a lot of pressure off you to follow the program.

We will be here for you.

Love from Lenina

sleepie

Good for you, getting to a meeting. You'll be ok kittycat we are here

lovetolisten

I have been there so so many times. I am really happy for you that you are putting wants into action - too many times I have not stayed sober because I get complacent. I am so horrified 3, 4, 5 days after the event and then suddenly, it wasn't that bad. It's insanity. Let go of the embarrassment but hold on to the resolve of ending this here and now. Remind yourself that if you stick with this, you NEVER have to deal with the shame again. I know exactly how you feel when you say you can't bear hearing someone say what you did or said. Life is about so much more than agonizing about what stupid thing you said or did. I never want to spend another hour on that again. It is unproductive and fuels the self-loathing

CuteNGayYay

Happy for u Kitty :-)

kittycat3

Thx for your posts guys.
Yeah, All I'd have to do would be to parse thru my old SR posts to relive many mornings after and remind myself of the craziness I have levied upon my life because of drink. So many times I have embarrassed myself in front of coworkers, neighbors, and strangers and woken up with faded memories. I've repeatedly put myself in harms way. Some of these nights still come back to me in flashbacks of shame, I still get red faced thinking about them.
All I can do now is promise myself I'll be sober for the next 24 hours. And then tomorrow do it again. I also want to commit to a lifetime of sobriety but I've done that before and failed. For now I'm really focused on 1 day at a time.

I am working hard to forgive myself but it's so difficult when I remember I have known I have an issue with alcohol for 20 years! (I'm 38 now.). I can't change the past, can only move forward.

Day 4 today.

amazingjoy

Hi kittycat3! Glad to see you here on Day 4! Hang tough it is worth it! You can do this!

kittycat3

Hi AJ! Thanks for the note, how are you doing?

I'm well, mid day check in.
I'm working at home and struggling to concentrate. Not sure if it's working from home or my recent bender that is the culprit.

I'm starting to get antsy thinking of all that I have to do. Trying not to obsess. I'm thinking some of my obsessive thinking causes me to wear myself out and then I head for the drink to "relax".

I'm looking forward to first call with sponsor tonight. Not sure what to expect on the call since we just met. She wants me to call her each day. As I told her last night, day to day isn't a struggle, I can usually string together 7-14-21+ days, but then I go out on a tear.
One day or hour at a time today. I'm breaking my work tasks out in 60 minute segments. Helps me from getting too overwhelmed

OceanGuy

Thanks for those words, Dee. Really helped.

OceanGuy

Kitty, sounds like you have the resolve to not drink anymore. You can do this!

kittycat3

Hi OG, thanks for note. How are you doing today?

amazingjoy

I'm doing well kittycat3, thanks!

Let us know how it goes with your sponsor!

2ndhandrose

Hi Kittycat3 ! I just saw your thread and I wanted to jump on and offer my support and prayers.

I well remember being hung over and embarrassed in front of co-workers, friends, family, strangers......ugh, what a horrible feeling

I am sending you good 'one day at a time' vibes, kittycat