Day 3 and scared
 

I relapsed Friday night in a terrible way at a coworkers house. It was horrible, left my keys in an uber and had to have a locksmith let me in my house...etc. Anyway I am too shaky right now to rehash all of it. But I'm alive and sober 3 days now and just getting up to go to work. I'm so scared about facing the 2 guys I drank with as well as the rest of my days sober. I feel like such a failure to be here yet again. I spent most of the weekend nursing a hangover and my shame and regret. I also missed plans on Saturday night that I had really been looking forward to.
I'm glad to be facing the day since it will be good for me to get up and out of the house. And I know it will be not as bad as I fear, but I am still terrified. If you are reading this could you please say a prayer or think some good thoughts for me today? I certainly can use them. Thank you.
I'll check in here later, I thought I'd start a thread to be accountable this time. I'm going to focus on my sobriety one day at a time and check in here more often. Xo, kitty

I know I can stay sober today no matter what happens.

kitty- here's to both of us having a great, sober, productive day! blessings to you~ you got this!

Thank you ladyboo! Much appreciated :)

Journal away Kittycat :)
as for today - you've got this.

Change comes from making change.
Everytime I relapsed I got a little closer to making those changes I knew I had to make.

I hope you're there too :)

Oh kitty cat.. I feel your plain. Well done on day 3. Hugs for you to feel better

Thanks ever wise Dee. With you behind me who knows what I can do ;). I'm sure today won't be much fun but it can't be worse than where I've been, I know that for sure.

Hi trees :) thanks for your support. Hope you are well today.

Praying for you, KittyCat <3

I hope you soon get to the point of wanting to be sober more than you want to drink. :hug:

Thanks optimist and least.
I believe I am there now least, I want to be sober. More than anything. More than the feeling of being left out or not being able to enjoy a buzz. More than feeling ostracized or unable to attend celebrations or parties. I don't care if I have to decline every party invite for the next year, I will do it if it means I can start living true to myself.

Kitty, be kind to yourself today.

I know that you can do this.

(((Kittycat)))!

We are here to help in whatever way we can. This is a brain condition, not a moral failing. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could stay sober more than a month. I finally did a 3-month intensive outpatient program, AA, psychotherapy and short-term meds. It is hard as we all know. Please don't give up and keep coming here!

Sassy

Oh bless you. I know that feeling well of dreading going back to work after "an episode " Once I cried off with chicken pots as couldn't face going in and thought the false illness would give people time to forget!
Hope the day goes better than you think and remember its not your fault x

You can do this, take it one minute at a time if you have to. We all have been there, and you got this!

Remember your not doing this alone x

I remember feeling JUST like you describe...*wipes away tear*....You're NOT ALONE! I certainly know what that was like...

Glad you're up and facing the day...All you have to do is get through the day in front of you. You can't undo the past.

I'll say a prayer for you. And i'll send you my positive vibes throughout the day.

So very glad you're here, and that you posted today.

Your friend, Findingtheway :wave:

Ahh, my sweet friend, you are most certainly not alone. I was in that pit of despair just a few short months ago. I really felt I had run out of chances and there was no hope left for me.

I've had to really shake things up a bit this time, and have reached a new level of honesty with myself and those around me. Drinking is no longer an option. It has completely gone off my list of things to do in crisis, in celebration, when I'm happy, anxious or sad...I drank for any reason.
No more.

What are you prepared to do to claim your life back Kitty? Try something you haven't done before to break free of this deadly cycle. I think the more we relapse the harder it is to get back up. You need a new experience...

Love you sweet friend. Come join me on this sober path. I'm 77 days and counting 😊

Hi Kitty,

Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way today, you can do this. I joined the same year as you and Jeni, and it took me until this past January 1st to get it right.

I knew I needed to stick with it this time, I have been on here daily, journaling, reading, and making plans for the evenings when I would normally have popped open some wine. I have 109 days today, which is the longest I have been sober other than pregnancy, and SR and the January class are two of my biggest supports. I also feel like Least's words that you need to want to be sober more than you want to drink have finally stuck.

I know you can do this!!!

❤️ Delilah

Hell to the yeah. You can do this!

One thing that helped me was realizing that all those things were already true. I can't enjoy a buzz. I am left out. There are certain kinds of partying that I cannot do any more, even though I love to. I can't change that. The only choice I get is whether I want to respond to those moments by drinking and harming/embarassing myself, or abstaining. Kind of like if my friends were all expert skiers... do I choose to follow them, crash into a tree, and get helicoptered out? Or do I just say, "I'll be here with my book, see you after"?

Hope your day at work is going well. You got this!