IWalkTheLine

Last week was bad, I got some pills more than twice as strong as normal and mixed with something else, but I done my normal amount (50)
I awoke later so ill I thought i was going to die.

Manged to hide it although I was sick everytime I moved for days, said it ws a bad flu and when me girlfriend phoned the hospital even though I told her not to they said there is loads of it about just ride it out, which ws a bit of luck.

I've still been taking as even though I was that ill I could still feel withdrawls mental and physical.

work was fine as im never sick, just a very depressing episode and I still cant stop. I need to be on my own I think thats the way forward but I live in my girlfriends house, shes been through a lot with me and if I told her I was leaving id have to go that day, dont think I could afford hotels for too long and I live an area with expensive rents and a housing shortage. She has also done nothing wrong I just can't get along wirh her sober, we dont agree on much. But obviously death waits if I stay as I am. Even if I dont OD again my life's on hold, I tried tapering but anything less than 16 tabs a day i still get withdrawls. Gonna try and work a bit more and taper again. Even just reducing will give me more time to make the jump.

freshstart57

Not sure what pills you are addicted to, but withdrawals are no joke, and depending on what the substance is, they can be life threatening. This doesn't mean you need to do it alone, not by a long shot. Please see a doctor - they can help you through this.

thomas11

Do you feel comfortable sharing what pills you are taking?

Soberwolf

Having a plan & speaking to a Dr will really help can you try booking an apt ?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are stuck in a trap that many of us were. You want to do this alone but in reality you can't. In the same sentence you actually type that you cannot stop but then say that you want to be alone so you can stop on your own.

Honestly I'd consider seeking professional detox/rehab help. You are beyond the point of taking care of this yourself. A big part of getting sober is honestly - with ourselves first and foremost, but also with those around us.

Anna

I agree that talking to your dr or going to rehab might be your best option. I'm glad you are reaching out.

IWalkTheLine

It's opiates, some prescribed, some bought.

IWalkTheLine

Going to start tapering again tomorrow, had an argument this morning she just came in started about everythjng, loads of stuff came up, I could have sat all day and dwelled on it but I went gym, which was useless relaxed a littlle but my attitude stunk.

Then went and picked up 60odd pills, I am happpy, then she is doing my head in over nothing. I dont know how im gonna leave though I won't be able to tell her im going then stay till I find somewhere to live, hotels are expensive ive got money to rent, but my saving are tied up though. How do people go about doing this, plus all my stuff and our dogs. I need the freedom though.

When I stopped drinking and most drugs I sort of lost something things dont really hother me no moreI I don't get that upset or that excited, im happy to go to work go home eat see my dogs, I used to be passionate and living as a criminal brought excitement and fear, now im very emphatic just want me and everyone else to be happy and for everyone to get along.

I need to decide soon, anyone got a getting out fresh start story where the other partner owned the property but you left short notice typos because of phone, not high yet and cant get rid of this question mark!?

Hawkeye13

From her perspective, it might feel like you are emotionally checked out
of the relationship because you are--at least right now.

Even though you are lying about it to her, don't you think she may sense
your detachment?
Are you "happy and getting along" or just numb?
By the way--I did the same to my partner just using booze but
hiding how much I was drinking--so I'm not judging, just observing.

yinzer

Methinks maybe you need to get off the pills first and look at things from a sober point of view? Concentrate on getting healthy first; the others are right about making an appt with a doc and/or going to detox. You deserve better than what you're living.

IvanMike

Been there, done that.

Here's the straight up, honest truth.

Keep doing what you are doing and you are going to die and make life miserable for you and everyone else around you on the way.

Nothing else matters.

Get some guts and ask for help and quit using, or keep killing yourself slowly. Your choice. Just don't blame anyone else.

I've got news for you - withdrawal is going to suck. Get over it. Stay clean and you never have to be dopesick again.

Life is still going to be difficult, but you can get help handling it. This week I've had two friends in recovery die because they decided it was easier to run from life rather than grow up, let us know they were in trouble, and ask for help. They don't get any more chances.

Recovery is better than you can imagine. The trip there is a little rough at first, but it's nothing like being strung out and unable to look yourself in the mirror.

Your move.

IWalkTheLine

Ive done it twice before, came of heroin when I was 20, and alchohol a few years back. I dont know why I cant do it this time.

IvanMike

Do you go to NA?

It sure made the difference for me.