Weasel1966

Oh... Oscar was adopted yesterday. He was it. But I was slow on the draw. My baby chuckster is next to me... Smelling the air (corned beef) and we are all set.

Jsbodhi

Hi everyone, been sleeping all day again
No fun!! I want to go outside, hope I feel better later cause I gotta work.
Actually kinda looking forward to it so I can get outta here.
Going back to sleep- living vicariously through all of you today xo

saoutchik

Glad the situation didn't develop into anything ugly Ken.

We have so many more homeless people now than 6 or 7 years ago. It was like this in the early 1990's.

Upward2Enlightenment

I think I know how you feel jen, after a full night's sleep I woke up feeling like I had been on a few day bender. I have slept most of the day. I don't really feel sick, just achy.

Ruby2

SoberP, I'm sorry about your kitty. I was looking at old kitty pictures today. It's sad when they are gone.

Weas, sounds like a tense situation. I'm glad that no action was needed. There are a ton of homeless people downtown in Chicago. Each of them has staked out their own corner to panhandle on. Same people there every day.

The corned beef is coming along. I just added potatoes and carrots. I'm doing stove top prep.

It's still raining here. You're lucky Brynn that it's dry.

Jsbodhi

Oddly that's exactly how I felt when it started, dizzy and light headed, weak, and my joints really hurt- especially my knees and ankles.
Then I started throwing up- good times....
I hope you feel better! Xoxo
Still can't really eat- I had a popsicle all day, and that was pushing it.

Ruby2

My two superheroes on their way to the parade. The rain ponchos were a little big for them.

Ruby2

Jen, it sounds like the flu. Get as much rest as you can and push fluids. Ugh. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.

Jsbodhi

Thanks ruby xoxo
Love the pic too!

saoutchik

Hope you feel better soon Jen

This vid was shot on the bottom right hand corner of that Google Earth screen shot. It also features my baby sister for about half a second

Upward2Enlightenment

Love the pic ruby and the superhero comment is perfect, they look like they are wearing capes.

Ruby2

Your sister's half second of fame? Cool!

I'm watching Robin Hood: men in tights. I never saw the whole thing. It's pretty funny.

Tetra

I would like to confess some things, and here is the only place I can do that without fear of judgement.

First off, I tell a huge amount of lies. To my parents. I tried telling them the truth a while ago, because I felt bad about lying and it is what alcoholics do. But they didn't want to know and I felt judged and ashamed.

The thing is that I am staring down the barrel of 36 this year. At my age I won't be getting married, but I do enjoy the company of men. For a while in my 20s I had such a hard time. I did wonder briefly if I might be gay, but I am not. Not that there is anything wrong with that by the way.

So I meet men online. My best friend warned be to be careful and I try to be.

The other thing is that I am very odd. My sister was married to a guy from Romania and my mother made it very clear to me the morning of the wedding that "one foreigner in the family is quite enough thank you". So I like foreign men.

So last November (before I met the Iranian guy) I was chatting to a guy from Bangladesh who lives and works here. He worked in a restaurant for many years here, before he saved enough to go to university. Now he works in IT.

So we met a couple of times for dinner and that. And this weekend he asked me if I would like to go away for the weekend. So I said I would love to. But I knew my parents (mother) would FREAK OUT so I told them I was meeting friends.

So we did go to Kerry, the two of us. We had a nice time. To be truthful he is a peaceful person and I felt comfortable. I never felt like I had to put on this big act which is what I usually feel like.

I know that I am not ready for a relationship at this moment. And that's fine. But I do enjoy sex. I am not a robot.

Meanwhile the Iranian was messaging me this week. Broke it off again on Tuesday, Thursday he wanted to get back together. Wanted to see me this weekend. I told him I was busy. He called me on Saturday and when I didn't bother to pick up, he left me another message asking if I was enjoying "my date". I have blocked his number now.

So my "new friend" said he would give me a lift back to the village where I am stuck. There are no buses on Sunday evening and I thought it would save my dad a journey. So I told my parents that my friends husband dropped me off. His parents are from around here so that was fine.

Until now. My mom is downstairs having a major freak out that "Paddy" gave me a lift, Ranting on and on that he was only looking for gossip about us. Giving us all an earful. Making life hell.

I have to get out of here. I feel like I want a drink tonight but I just want my freedom really.

I would like a life. I need my own place where I can go without fear of being attacked.

I know I shouldn't be meeting people but I enjoy having a little fun. If we agree I don't see the harm in that.

So I just needed to get some things off my chest.

Please don't judge me. I am only human and I am doing the best I can.

learningagain

Tetra - meeting people online is fine, you are a grown woman and can do whatever you want to do. I am 36 too. Trust me, if we worry what everyone thinks no one would ever be leaving their houses.

You need to start trusting yourself, and trusting you know what is best for you, until you do that, you are not going to get anywhere as you will be filled with self loathing. I have been there, and only in the last year have I begun to live my life for me, making my own decisions and owning them. You know what? Some people judged initially, but when I refused to back down and continued the path that I knew was right, they stopped judging and came to accept me for who I am. When I am confident in my decisions, others do not feel the need to step in and try and parent me. I am by no means there yet, and certainly have a ways to go on this journey, but it started with me. Me changing my thought patterns. In fact, what I really discovered is that most people do not even care. And, when I am open, people divulge the craziness of their lives to me. I do not mean I share everything with everyone, but I will share some of me, and people do the same back. It has been quite a revelation!

Just live for you, people will either support your journey or not. It sounds from your post like your mom has lived a lot of her life worrying about appearances, and now she is transferring that fear to you. You can stop that.

I am glad you had a lovely weekend, keep making plans, keep enjoying yourself!

Upward2Enlightenment

No judgment from me tetra, I'm glad you had a good time.
Sorry that you are going through all that at home, hopefully you will be able to get your own place soon.

Best wishes.

Tetra

Ironically I haven't slept more than about 4 hours a night for a long time now.

Last night I fell asleep at midnight and didn't wake up until 9 am. No bad dreams/getting up for water whatever.

Sometimes it's just nice to feel the warmth of someone next to you.

And even if it doesn't last, I will look back fondly and be glad that I was happy for a short while.

bigsombrero

Don't beat yourself up, Tetra - there is nothing weird at all about your story. I live abroad and it wasn't easy meeting women when I first moved here, and I also met some dates online.

I didn't feel guilty about it and neither should you. The reason you're beating yourself up is because your mom is giving you grief. I know you'd mentioned that you don't make great wages, but at this point maybe it's okay to get into a flat-sharing situation or something? Sometimes getting out of a bad place is the most important thing. It's hard to make changes, but there are times when choosing not to make them is worse. I can only sympathize because I've been there and it's not fun! Just don't worry or fret about your dating situation - as long as you are comfortable with your lifestyle, and not hurting anyone or drinking, there is nothing wrong with it and again many of us have been there.

Venecia

Tetra,

Your father sounds like a loving man, one I suspect feels torn on a daily basis. And I believe your mother loves you, too. But she's just not going to change.

Maybe this week is the week to start looking for a place of your own, even if it is a very modest studio apartment, something affordable. It's not going to be your forever dwelling, just like your job won't be your forever job.

But it would open the door to your own autonomy. How 'bout starting with some online searching to see what is out there? Start taking some steps to claim your independence?

Ruby2

Tetra, I'm not going to judge you or blame you. Take care of yourself. I also want to repeat that if you want marriage and children you can have both of those things. 36 isn't the end of the universe. I was 40 when I married and when I had my first child. Second kid at 43, staring at 44. If you want that, you can work to have that. But take care of yourself. If you stay at your parents then chances are you aren't going to be happy. Find a small place. Date whom you want. find happiness within because it isn't going to come from other people. I'm still learning that.

Weasel1966

Have good night!!! Need to be at work at 4am.

Take care tetra. No judgements. Most important don't judge ourselves. We are only human.

K